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Approved Submission [Yamatai] Ke-M2/12-W3903 Coherent Aether Rifle

Immortal Cyan

The Cyan Neko
Submission Type: Weapon
Template Used: Weapon Template Update
Submission WIP URL: https://wiki.stararmy.com/doku.php?id=wip:stararmy:weapons:ke-m2:12-w3903_coherent_aether_rifle
Submission Destination URL: https://wiki.stararmy.com/doku.php?id=stararmy:weapons:ke-m2:12-w3903_coherent_aether_rifle

Faction: Yamatai
FM Approved Yet? No, @Wes
Faction requires art? No

For Reviewers:
Contains Unapproved Sub-Articles? No
Contains New art? Yes
Previously Submitted? Yes, in a completely different form, although with the same art. This is effectively a different submission.

Notes: Template is technically unapproved for usage, but it should become legitimate tomorrow. Tagging @FrostJaeger here if he has any concerns regarding the format.
 
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This suggestion has been implemented. Votes are no longer accepted.
I'll take this one, haven't done a handheld weapon in a while.



This review is for: The Coherent Aether Rifle

The submitted article is/has…
[Y ] A very high level of overall quality
[Y ] A general topic sentence under the title header
[Y ] Artwork (Required for new species; Strongly recommended for vehicles and hand weapons)\\
[Y ] Needed and/or useful to the setting
[Y ] In the proper format/template
[Y ] Proofread for spelling and grammar
[N ] Easy to read and understand (not a lengthy mass of technobabble)
[Y ] Wikified (terms that could be a link should be a link)
[Y ] No red and/or broken links
[Y ] Reasonably scientifically plausible
[Y ] Reasonably neutral point of view

The submitted article is/does not…
[N ] Overpowered (or cutting tech for a faction with little or no roleplay)
[N ] Obtusely redundant
[N ] Contain copy pasta descriptions of systems or interior compartments
[Y ] Unauthorized by faction managers or player-controlled corporation @Wes
[N ] Contain references to IC events that have not occurred (SM must authorize retcons)
[N ] Use second-person language (“you” or “your”) unless it is an instructional guide aimed at players.
[N ] Use bombastic language (“virtually immune,” “nearly indestructible,” “insanely powerful,” “horrible effects”)
[N ] Use an unbalanced header/text ratio (many headers but sections are one-liners)
[N ] Use major unapproved sub-articles that should be submitted separately
[N ] Lacking Detail
[N ] Images hosted on sites other than stararmy.com (Photobucket, Imageshack, etc are not allowed)

The article has…
[N/A ] Speeds in compliance with the Starship Speed Standard, if applicable
[Y ] Damage Capacity and Damage Ratings in compliance with the DR Guidelines
[N ] The in-character year of creation/manufacture. (Should be current year. Future years not allowed).
[Y ] The Standard Product Nomenclature System, if applicable.


Summary
A large amount of the article seems focused unnecessarily on the firing/cooling time of the weapon, which make the article feel just... Messier than it should be. There shouldn't be several moderate-sized paragraphs and then various equations in order to explain the rifle's rate of cooling, when 1-2 moderate length paragraphs should suffice.

The weight seems a touch excessive for the M2 rifle (the smaller one). It weighs almost as much as Arbitrated, which seems really odd for a rifle that is two feet long (especially compared to the significantly longer M12, which only weighs slightly more).

You mostly followed the template, but I think you forgot to add information about firing underwater.


It is intended to be powered by an armor connected to it, but can you either say how much time its internal capacitor allows it to fire when disconnected or state there is no internal capacitor at all?

Status: Pending

Notes
The sentence "The top of the weapon has a mounting weapon for the standard-issue Ke-W1-1A 30x Multi-spectrum Variable Zoom AIES-linking scope, which has a boxy shape and a predominately blue color profile." It needs another pass-over in the grammar department, I don't think weapons have mounting weapons :p

Lastly, IDK if Yamland would have cyan-colored Aether, but that's really pretty minor and can be hashed-out with @Wes easily in DMs or something.

Other than the things I've pointed out this looks pretty good!

I intend to finish this review by: Friday, November 10th.
 
Regarding the weight of the weapon, I referenced the Ke-M4-W2901 Light Armor Service Rifle Mk. I, which weighs 30 kg (66.1387 lbs.) empty and 40 kg (88.19 lbs.) loaded. I believe that I did the same when I submitted the Ke-W1-1A Light Armor Tactical Rifle. However, I will spend some time adjusting the length of the weapon so that it better balances with the mass.

As for the paragraphs and the math, I wrote that section so that there would be multiple ways for people to understand the heating and cooling system. For example, if a reader did not understand the heating and cooling system through written explanation, then they could possibly understand the system through written quantification (and vise versa). However, I do agree that it is somewhat messy. I will find a way to divide the sections into something more readable.

I changed "The top of the weapon has a mounting weapon for the standard-issue Ke-W1-1A 30x Multi-spectrum Variable Zoom AIES-linking scope, which has a boxy shape and a predominately blue color profile." to "The top of the weapon has a mounting hardpoint for the standard-issue Ke-W1-1A 30x Multi-spectrum Variable Zoom AIES-linking scope, which has a boxy shape and a predominately blue color profile."

Thanks for the review!
 
Whoops, I meant to say this the first time around but forgot because Derpbitrated, the thing's gotta be built in YE 39 not 40 : P
Derpbitrated squared, it's already got stuff about the YE 39 bits.

I removed a couple of commas that weren't needed in the firing cycle information bits for you ^^

I like the separation with the headers for the firing/cooling explanations, that helps significantly with making the whole thing seem neater. The only thing really that I think might improve it is if the headers were underlined just to make them stand out a teensie bit more, but that's not major!


Other than that though, this looks ready to be approved! So uh, I APPROVE this rifle for use in RP! (As soon as it gets approval from Wes)
 
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Where and when would this weapon be used in the Star Army, and by who? Is this supposed to become issued to everyone, or certain units? Will it replace some existing weapon? How does it fit into the existing setup of the Star Army? Can you explain why I need this?
 
If I had to guess, this would be an anti-vehicle weapon. The only problem I see, assuming I didn't miss anything, is that RP/game mechanics wise, it doesn't really need to stop besides the brief pauses for cooldown. Usually, anti-vehicle/frame stuff for infantry (even power armor) is a consumable item, necessitating some decision making on when and where to use.
 
Where and when would this weapon be used in the Star Army, and by who? Is this supposed to become issued to everyone, or certain units? Will it replace some existing weapon? How does it fit into the existing setup of the Star Army? Can you explain why I need this?
The wiki page and submission thread for the old concept is still up. That concept serves in a more distinctive anti-mecha and anti-fighter role, an option which is sorely lacking for the Mindy, Kirie, and Keiko power armors.

To answer your questions, no I don't think this would replace an existing weapon. It would serve to amplify the arsenal on the Kirie and Keiko and it would also properly scale up (and down) for both THOUGHT and Mindy armors.

I think that this would also find usage in space battles, although it's distinctive and conspicuous firing profile may make that a somewhat leery option. However, it's good at sustained damage output (DPS), so perhaps it could serve in a squad support/suppressive fire role.
 
Possible nomenclature redundancy with the Scalar Shoulder-Mounted Machine Gun that is also being reviewed. Searching for "m2-w3900" in the wiki also turned up unrelated redundancies. I worry this may become a trend. As things go, this might need to be W3903, and others similarly adjusted. Though the Kirie/Keiko lack a W3900, W3901, or W3902 weapon at this time, I am willing to have some skipped to ensure the same designation for an M2/12-W3903 for IC and OOC ease of reference.

I also like the design, though I have to wonder. If the cooling time is equal to the firing time, does that mean it could be used in a semi-auto pulse mode of one second on, one second off, or something? Or is there something preventing that?
 
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