• If you were supposed to get an email from the forum but didn't (e.g. to verify your account for registration), email Wes at [email protected] or talk to me on Discord for help. Sometimes the server hits our limit of emails we can send per hour.
  • Get in our Discord chat! Discord.gg/stararmy
  • 📅 February and March 2024 are YE 46.2 in the RP.

RP: Lazarus A walk in weltschmerz

OsakanOne

Retired Member
upload_2016-4-21_10-50-19.png


The sun was good. Clouds few and rolling, brighter than the sky.
The smell of wild berries. The grass was warm.
A feeling.



“But… What do you…? I mean…”

.


..


...

A voice. Softer than her own.

Tingling.

It hurt just to hear it.

...

..

.


“How can you…? Be by yourself all the time?”


.

.

.

“Don’t you get lonely sometimes?”


.

.

.

“Sorry if I’m being intrusive. I find it hard to imagine spending all my time alone.”


.

.

.

“Hey listen, can I give you my number? Here, give me your phone.”


.

.

.

“I don’t want to be annoying or anything but if you ever want to hang out with me, just call or text me okay?”

.

.

.


“I feel like there’s a lot to you and I really, really appreciate the chance to get to be the person who gets to know you.”




 
Last edited:
Bokeh danced in Aiesu's sleep filled eyes. The real Aiesu. Every morning she woke, before any kind of movement, that was the one time she didn't feel any kind of pain. Not in her joints, not in her bones, her muscle or her back. Just that perfect moment of stillness.

She felt like a drawing, rather than a living breathing creature. The tried to conjure herself emotionally but very little came. Her memory of herself all but theoretical. There was fear but it wasn't where she was. Or her circumstance. Which was?

The hum of a starship, the faint unmistakable rattle of its hull sub-sonic that you felt, not heard. She waited, listening for footsteps or talking. The hull ticked over. The soft rumble of large slow electric fans, banks of computers at her side in a room with a grilled floor and a mattress.

The bokeh flickered in pattern - a server-farm. Inadequately cooled.
No air conditioned. Sweat down her neck.

It was a perceptual fear. Of something she knew not what.

Her mind was seeing the world through a sheet of cloudy ice. A wall of skin. Window of eyes.

If there were a street, she'd stand in the middle of it and scream at the top of her voice, but she couldn't fathhom why.

It was like wanting to be sick but having no mouth. The heaviness in her chest, too.

It was only then that she realized she wasn't quite so acutely alone.

There was something warm against her neck. Something blowing through her hair.

Breath. The smell of wild fruit. Arms about her.

It was a sacrifice, the ache dancing down her back with the day's first movement as she glanced skyward. Laid on the deck of the ship. Dark skin against her nearly translucent pale cheeks. Above her slept someone with hair like pale sunset gold. Horns, like tree branches.

Their new guest was fast asleep.

White eyelashes, like her own. Closed, unlike her own.

She watched this person's chest rise and fall slowly.

Then eyes down. A blanket over both of them.

Aiesu couldn't remember how she got here. She didn't try to remember, either.

She settled her cheek against Lalah's shoulder. It made things less bad.

Enough so that remembering could wait.
 
Last edited:
It was hard to tell whether it was day or night in space, something Aiesu with her short time in the outer darkness had yet to get used to.

She slapped her palm against a repurposed cellular computer - the little palm sized slate - tipping it slowly with her thumb to sneer at the numbers staring her back.

05:00, Lor standard time.

Soon, she was sat upright in a white kigurumi, a curious gift from Miles: a bizzare full body one piece pajama set with a hood and long ears like those of a rabbit.

Rubbing the dark circles around her eyes, she spotted a figure sat typing at the far side of her designated room -- a cramped chamber full of switches, banks of hardware, pelts, posters and unashamed statues of foreign cartoon characters.


She made out wings on the person's back, then thought for a moment but soon dismissed this nonsense, dragging herself from the chained hanging bedpit the Nepleslians called a hammock.

Picking mint from the toothpaste she hadn’t rinsed on the way back, she returned to see the strange person was still there.

“I don’t remember taking you out of storage.”

“That’s perfectly fine. Miles decided you needed a helping hand.”

Aiesu took a moment to gauge the taller woman’s idealised form, long white hair tied into a high bun, temples down in two long streams in a curiously Yamataian style. Beneath spats sat pantyhose and her shoes were very sensible. She also had on what appeared to be a sports jersey in red with white arms that clearly wasn’t her’s, her shirt buttoned up loosely and her tie folded in one of the pockets.

She pulled a pair of sunglasses from her forehead that pinned her fringe back briefly as she began to use some sort of pen-like tool, sparks and crackling metal meeting Aiesu’s senses which flinched still in their early state.

“You mean Miles needed a helping hand." she gestured, tonguing the inside of her cheek while making an obscene motion with her hand on the opposite side. "And an assistant.”

“If you have any problems with my design, take it up with the management.”

“Why, is something wrong with the lizard or Sana?”

“No clue. I half expected I’d be waiting hand and foot for her, which was the original purpose of my activation but apparently I’m meant to babysit you.”

“Charming. How recent is your ROM?”

“The read is four months and twenty days old.”

“Right and… What do you know about Lalah?”

“You mean the he-she Miles brought home?”

Aiesu tried not to laugh but there was a bitter feeling of discomfort. She thought of Lalah’s breath against her lips and the warmth they’d shared, as much as it hadn’t amounted to anything.

“So your purpose is theraputic. He’s using you to try to make me feel good about how much I’ve grown as a person, is that it?”

“Or to annoy you.”

“Same thing.”

“I only work here, lady.”

“Mind getting me some breakfast?”

“Get it yourself.”

For a few moments the construct sat smugly before both having the same thought.
 
They soon sat together on the sofa, a bowl of cereal each - passing the milk and pouring for one another. In big red marker pen in Yamataian, Trade and several flavors of Go were “Do not eat on pain of death” with a simple doodle of a panda.

“Do you know anything about the new stiff the slut brought with her?”

“Some kind of bodyguard, they said. What’s your issued designation?”

“99.”

“Then your name is flake.”

“Why?”

Aiesu was already making a unicorn horn with her index finger, spelling an L with her thumb.

“The chocolate stick Seiren put in the gelato, you remember that?”

“I’m starting to see why everybody hates me now.”
 
Content that she knew what Flake was or what it was capable of, Aiesu marched through the deck. She needed clarification.

“Did you carry me back?” Aiesu spoke, watching Lalah carefully.

On some level, she still thought of Lalah as male - and with it, the impulses a man had.

The young woman stat with her legs crossed, outstretched: dark fingertips slowly pulling silky white stockings along her long chocolate brown legs.

“I did, yes. You passed out in the engine room. Nice evening-wear, by the way.”

She was half in her work uniform. Aiesu recalled the last time she’d seen it: Trying to push it to the back of her mind, the brief visuals and the sound of Lalah’s voice beneath Miles pulled like long strings down through Aiesu’s belly - making her tighten the two straps about her collar-bones on the kigu.

She swallowed audibly, unable to meet eyes.

“You didn’t do anything to me, did you? After the way you and Mi—”

“I didn’t, no” Lalah hushed the smaller girl with soft words, sensing her insecurity or perhaps her fancifulness in the moment.

“Then why didn’t you just wake me up?” Aiesu muttered.


“You talk in your sleep.” Lalah smiled, drawing a slender digit over her index finger.

Aiesu felt her blood run cold.

Across the room, the air broke as Lalah turned about, revealing her back to Aiesu who immediately felt her hands tighten with worry, wondering what she’d done wrong.

“Could you strap me up?”

“A-Ah.”

Aiesu’s artificial feet felt curiously tingly with pins and needles as she slowly advanced on Lalah who sat in quiet serenity.

Cerise eyes were fixed now on the corset that sat upon Lalah’s body - prying pale hands pulling at the knots.

“From the bottom.”

“Right,” Aiesu started, the two in perfect silence. She watched Lalah’s eyes through the mirror she faced, stood behind her trying to read the other l’manel’s expression but her eyelids were closed. Her face was dream-like.

“You’re probably thinking I’m taking this little agreement between me and him rather seriously, aren’t you? Me, the heir to my family?”

“Well… I mean, you like Miles. Everybody likes Miles. They shouldn’t, but they do because he’s the only one of us who’s been in this kind of situation before.”

“I don’t like Miles.”

“Why, because he’s married? Give me a break. I’ve come so close to fucking him so many times that—”

“Stop fibbing. He sees you more as a child, I think”

“Pfft. Everybody does.”

“And why do you think that is?”

“I’m small. I’m…” she found her eyes staring at Lalah’s reflection. It was odd, to have a moment where Lalah couldn’t look back at her, letting Aiesu look at whatever part of her she wanted to for however long. It took Aiesu a moment to understand just what kind of confidence a person must have had, to allow someone else to do that — or what level of comfort.

“I don’t see you as a child.”

Instead of trying to lie this time, Aiesu tried not to laugh.

“I really don’t. You’re my senior.”

“Like that changes anything.”

“As my senior, I’ll depend on you. Take care of me, okay?”

Aiesu’s mind was already taking this to strange places.

“Butterfly knot, please.”

Aiesu didn’t reply at first.

“I can’t do it.”

“What, a butterfly knot?”

“Any kind.”

“Why not? You turn fifty next year, don’t you?”

“Well yeah…”

“And you wear that tie pretty much constantly.”

“Yes.”

Lalah thought for a moment. Since they’d gone into space, Aiesu hadn’t worn it once.

“Does somebody do it for you?”

“…Yes.”

“Who?”

“The um. Head of my department.”

“He must really like you.”

“We’re family.”

“Oh. That explains why they’re so kind to you.”

“He doesn’t like me, its just obligation.”

“Well, if he doesn’t want to deal with you, hasn’t he ever tried to teach you? I mean, you could start with something as simple as doing up your shoelaces.”

“My shoelaces?”

An awkward silence sat between them.

Lalah’s hands went back slowly, hunching forward as she peeked over her shoulder: amber eyes meeting the doctor’s before she started.

“Here. Watch my fingers…” her voice had softened quite remarkably. ”Over… Under… Over… Through… Now pull those two that aren’t looped.”

“A-Ah… It came undone…”

“Now you try.”

“Um…”

“Like I showed you.”

“Over… Un…der… Over… and… And…?” Aiesu panicked, though muted. Her hands were trembling. “And…”

“Through.”

“Through.”

“There we go. Nice and tight.”

Slowly, Lalah turned about, placing her hand on Aiesu’s weakly smiling head. Bashful, actually.

“See? You can do it. Good girl.”

Her smile was disappearing.

It took Lalah a moment to realize she’d been baby-talking Aiesu, like one might a small animal.

“Did he pat your head the same way?” Aiesu said, anger in her voice and stinging disappointment inside her.

Lalah reached for her own head after letting go of Aiesu, feeling where it must have happened.

“And he called you a good girl too, did he?”

Lalah’s lips tightened.

“Nice and tight.” the albino L’manel spat bitterly, turning about and running from the chamber.

The remaining l’manel sighed bitterly, running a fingernail along one of her long horns, listening to the rasping sound running down through her skull.
 
Last edited:
Aiesu stared in silence. Watching Flake

“You look mad about something” Flake shifted, eyeing Aiesu. She reclined in a hammock, a long leg dangling from its three sizes too small — the book over her chest.

“Dragon shoot you down again?”

"He's given you to me as a therapy tool. I'm not interested in your pairings among the crew."

"Surprise me."

“Its worse.”

“So you do have a thing for Lalah.”

“Hah."

“Actually, if you were my height, you probably would have taken her by force...”

Aiesu stared in silence. Watching Flake, she'd never seen herself make a perverted expression before. The way she bit her lower lip made Aiesu feel quite self-aware.

"Don't do that."

"Okay, okay, okay, look: You’re lonely. You are in space. Lalah looks good. Lalah dresses good. Lalah speaks good. Lalah smells good."

“REALLY good…” Aiesu sighed.

Flake watched Albert shift from a sack of potatoes, lifting himself from it to push his head against Aiesu’s hand.

“Speaking of really good, guess who we finally got out of quarantine."

“Hey there Al... Did you sleep well?"

The small ey'tis - equal parts samoyed to bunnyrabbit to the eyes barked enthusiastically. He approved of her pajamas.

“For the record or whatever bullshit reason Miles compiled and established you, you’re not going to baby me, are you?”

“What, like they do? Get bent. I’m not as self-loathing as everybody wants to think we are. I am hurting apparently, though: you should be thrilled that Bertie's here. What did Lalah actually say to you?”

“Shoelaces.”

Flake hissed through her teeth.


“Aaah… Well, its not like they can help themselves. You’re small and you have big bright eyes and… In those pajamas, what were you honestly expecting?”


Aiesu’s backside met the sack, rubbing her nose up against Albert’s who soon had his head on her belly as she ran her hands through his fur.


“Well, she did pat my head and call me a good girl," Aiesu mimed where Lalah's hand had been.


"Lucky..." The two sighed together.


"Anyway, what's wrong with these Albert’s always REALLY liked anything like this…”

“But Albert has taste. But then, Lalah is not Albert. Lalah knows about things like style and context, pretense and airs. She has has table-manners. Lalah doesn’t suck herself off in front of company if she’s frustrated and her owner is ignoring her.”

“If Miles asked…”

"You'd watch."

Aiesu and Flake thought for a moment, eyes skyward and they snorted in unison with a nod.

“As a construct, I’ve got the benefit of personality libraries. You have to learn how to function...”

“What, how to suck myself off?” Aiesu cheekily mushed Albert’s cheeks in her hands, watching all the funny faces he made.

Aiesu laughed. Flake did not.

"No. How to conduct yourself as an adult."

"Pffft."

"You're not hiding behind computers anymore. Its time to grow up."
 
Last edited:
♫ Beck - "Everyone's gotta learn, sometimes..."

Now, the hour had grown even stranger, days had blended into eachother and outside of brief spats of assignment and problem solving she'd been almost entirely insular from the crew she was stuck with.

Flake lay in an improvised hammock, legs dangling - snoring in much the same way Sana did, making Aiesu question her purity as a construct. Breasts hanging out as if to gloat in the cold air. Boondoggle, she thought. Miles was mocking her - reminding her of what she wasn't. It happened with every breath; in and out -- a feat Aiesu struggled not to stare at.

Dim lights. Servers warm and humming but the room cold enough to be wrapped up in sheets and still see breath hazed.

Still alone, and left alone with those words.

Her feet made the deck grate thump softly, a quiet sound as she walked on the cold painted metal with teeth grit tightly and ice in her belly where opium should have been fire - instead, nails raking through her veins like strings on a puppet, winding her back into tightness and her body into a pain all too familiar.

She thanked herself for little things, briefly admiring her artificial toes and the numbness that came with selective sensory control.

Hissing sharply through her teeth - wrapped up in furred pajamas and a bedsheet poncho, she waded through the halls - sweat matting her browline, running down her chin as she stumbled quietly in the eerilee quiet vessel until she stood before Miles workshop. The exception was the faint thundering every few minutes as the hypercapacitors lining the deck would discharge through the conduits lining the floor beneath her - rumbling like muted thunder. The sound had been like shoring waves in her chambers but now the rumble was enough to put something in her -- not fear, not anxiety -- but something.

Eyeing a knuckle that was not her's on her hand that also wasn't her's. Asking what brought her here.

It was a good knuckle. A good hand. Good fingers. Amazing for all the years lost with simpler -- but they didn't come close. So much of her was machine now. Miles work but also his gift.

She felt the cavitation of cold inside herself, wondering how much more of her was left. What was left to give. How long any of it would last.

Anechoically, the last meaningful words of her replica - Flake - screamed between missing ears. Bee-stings against lips where she bit herself for mindfulness away from it, soreness to remind herself where she was to clear the fog in her thoughts.

Wrist to lip, red smear away with palm and quilting.

It was now or never.

Aiesu slowly wrapped it on the door and awaited a response - shivering quietly to herself up on the tips of her toes.

Afterall.

Everyone's gotta learn, some time.
 
RPG-D RPGfix
Back
Top