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Rejected Submission Aetheric Particle Drive, "APD"

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Jack Pine

Well-Known Member
Submission Type: drive system
Template Used:none
Submission WIP URL:https://wiki.stararmy.com/doku.php?id=faction:uso:section-6:apd#components
Submission Destination URL:https://wiki.stararmy.com/doku.php?id=faction:uso:section-6:apd#components

Faction: USO
FM Approved Yet? (Me, today)
Faction requires art? (No)

For Reviewers:
Contains Unapproved Sub-Articles? (No)
Contains New art? (No)
Previously Submitted? (No)

Notes: sorry about the namespace URL, I can't change it on mobile but I have marked it as a WIP in an OOC section at the bottom of the page.
 
This suggestion has been closed. Votes are no longer accepted.
This review is for: Place submission title here

The submitted article is/has…
[Y] A very high level of overall quality
[Y] A general topic sentence under the title header
[N] Artwork (Required for new species; Strongly recommended for vehicles and hand weapons)
[N] Needed and/or useful to the setting
[N/A] In the proper format/template
[Mostly] Proofread for spelling and grammar
[Y] Easy to read and understand (not a lengthy mass of technobabble)
[N] Wikified (terms that could be a link should be a link)
[Y] No red and/or broken links
[Y] Reasonably scientifically plausible
[Y] Reasonably neutral point of view

The submitted article is/does not…
[Maybe] Overpowered (or cutting tech for a faction with little or no roleplay)
[Y] Obtusely redundant
[Y] Contain copy pasta descriptions of systems or interior compartments
[Y] Unauthorized by faction managers or player-controlled corporation @Wes This device relies on the use of Aether.
[N] Contain references to IC events that have not occurred (SM must authorize retcons)
[N] Use second-person language (“you” or “your”) unless it is an instructional guide aimed at players.
[Y] Use bombastic language (“virtually immune,” “nearly indestructible,” “insanely powerful,” “horrible effects”)
[N] Use an unbalanced header/text ratio (many headers but sections are one-liners)
[N] Use major unapproved sub-articles that should be submitted separately
[N] Lacking Detail
[N/A] Images hosted on sites other than stararmy.com (Photobucket, Imageshack, etc are not allowed)

The article has…
[N/A] Speeds in compliance with the Starship Speed Standard, if applicable
[N/A] Damage Capacity and Damage Ratings in compliance with the DR Guidelines
[Y] The in-character year of creation/manufacture. (Should be current year. Future years not allowed).
[N] The Standard Product Nomenclature System, if applicable.


Summary
This device relies on the use of Aether, which is only usable by the Star Army faction.

Aren't there already plenty of other methods to generate effectively unlimited amounts of power, anyways? Such as the Hyperspace Tap, which appears to be the primary, direct source of a portion of this device's descriptions? (It is also smaller.)

How much does the device weigh, and how tall is it? This is important basic information.

Status: Not Approved, due to the attempted use of Aether-based technology, being redundant, using copied and pasted descriptions, and failing to provide basic, important information regarding the device's description.

Notes
There are occasional grammatical errors throughout the article, such as a sentence that lacks a capital letter.

There is a part where it is said that the device is capable of "generating exponential amounts of power.". This is bombastic language, and also has the capability of being overpowered depending on the person using it.

It would have been preferable if examples of vehicles or starships could be used in regards to what the device could provide sufficient power to.

The "About the size of a coffin..." line that you copied does not make sense with the supplied measurements, as an eighteen-square-meter (six times three) coffin could comfortably contain almost ten human corpses.

I intend to finish this review by: Saturday, January 27th
 
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Iirc there is an Aether powered candy maker, and Aether power is used by just about every faction on the site.
 
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