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Approved Submission [Religion] Church of the Risen Savior

Bullroarer

Bullroarer

Inactive Member
Submission Type: Religion
Template Used:None
Submission WIP URL: https://wiki.stararmy.com/doku.php?id=wip:religion:the_church_of_the_risen_savior
Submission Destination URL: https://wiki.stararmy.com/doku.php?id=religion:the_church_of_the_risen_savior

Faction: Asteria
FM Approved Yet? (No; @CadetNewb ,@Gallant )
Faction requires art? (Yes/No) No

For Reviewers:
Contains Unapproved Sub-Articles? (No)
Contains New art? (No)
Previously Submitted? (No)

Notes: Felt this was an appropriate time of the year to submit this article in light of the holiday season.
 
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This is clearly a form of Christianity, specifically reading like the origin of the Mormon sect with its golden tablets. It even has a Younge family that succeeded a martyred prophet, mirroring Brigham Young. There are also provisions for males to marry many wives, and not the reverse.

Articles of Belief #10 makes a reference to "the earth". Is that a generic reference to soil, or was that written on the golden tablets as the name of the world? If the latter, it may not sit well with precedent.
 
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Actually, the whole "Younge" thing is a joke on my name. I made the joke "Name the guy after me" so they changed my name a little to fit... If that adds any context. I'm even playing the character named after me, and they just built all the other names after people in my family.
 
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This is a particularly tricky thing to deal with since it touches on something that honestly isn't fleshed out on the wiki; the Lorath's religion. Though people might think having a blank slate is the easiest thing in the world, it's more a double edged sword considering the circumstances. Because DocTomoe never did flesh that part of them out, this effectively sets the tone for all others to come after it, including the original 'mainstream' version of the religion. For that reason, I think we need to make it a bit more vague.
  • Change or remove the sentence; "According to traditional Lorath religious dogma, the male god aspect of the twin-deity system has been assigned to represent matters of academics, ruthlessness, and death through absence of compassion, with the intent of portraying a deity which functions through the execution of actions with pure intelligence without the temperance of wisdom"
  • Change Kolob to Kobol or something
  • Change Golden Tablets to Zesuaium Tablets or something
  • Remove references to earth in the cases where it's not referring to soil and replace with Lor - if it's an adjective like 'earthly', go ahead and invent a new word, like 'Lorly' or something
It's ok to have 'Space Mormons', however, I'm no expert on the Book of Mormon, so I won't see anything that's too direct a reference. Regarding this version here though, since it's a derivative of the mainstream Lorath religion, is this more accurately referred to as a cult? I'm not sure how that works out, though I would think the mainstream ones would think of them in such a manner; that would be worth noting in the article.
 
Alright, so far it's looking good. Though, you'll also have to get the language correct. Though DocTomoe had stated in the past that the Lorath speak a language that sounds Russian/Ukrainian or something along those lines, I've found it's actually Al Bhed - go ahead and use this translator thing. The Lorath word 'Xiaah' for an example, is just the word 'Queen' run through the translator.

Additionally, I highly recommend you take the "Relationship with Asteria" and expand it to discuss not only how this group views other groups, but just as importantly, how other groups view them. For an example, the remnants of the mainstream Lorath in both Nepleslia and Asteria would likely view them as a cult at the very least. I can't speak much for the ones in Nepleslia, but the ones in Asteria would certainly look at those of this group with disdain/distaste, but not outright hostility due to being an endangered species.

Also, you can also use the 'ordered list item' feature on the "Articles of Belief" to make it look nicer
 
Alright, that's a bit better. I also realize that it needs the opening paragraph at the very top to quickly note that it's considered a cult by some, because that info is currently at the very bottom of the article. The reason for this is to clarify that it isn't the original faith, and avoid confusion. Once that's done, I think it's good to go.

Cosmetic wise, do you want to use Al Bhed, or stick with the Serbian you currently have? I'm fine with either.
 
Let's stick with Slavic that The original Lorath preferred. Part added to the intro.

Edit: when FM approved, can I get one of those shiny Approved stamps? They look awesome!
 
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