What's new
  • If you were supposed to get an email from the forum but didn't (e.g. to verify your account for registration), email Wes at [email protected] or talk to me on Discord for help. Sometimes the server hits our limit of emails we can send per hour.
  • Get in our Discord chat! Discord.gg/stararmy
  • 📅 April 2024 is YE 46.3 in the RP.

Abandoned Character [YSS Kaiyo] Arfelios Reol

This suggestion has been closed. Votes are no longer accepted.
I edited up some things and it looks good. I'd like @Wes to look him over, too, though!
 
When did he actually join the Star Army?
 
Oh no, we go off of the assumption your character joined and trained with the Star Army of Yamatai before they RP in most instances.

So he was accepted into the military, but you still need to add that he went through training this year and is slotted to begin his first assignment on the Kaiyō!

His age is fine if he joined this year. He would have turned twenty this year.
 
@Arkovic - Here's my review of Arfelios Reol.
  • Would you mind adding another sentence or two to the Physical Description section, please? What's his facial appearance like, for instance? Does he have any unique or defining features?
  • What influences/events/etc. led to Arfelios's Personality becoming the way it is now? Strict parents, perhaps? What motivated him to be such a hard-working individual and be so friendly to others?
  • Skills Learned
    • "Advanced Engineering," "Microtechnology," and "Kendo (Basic)" aren't character skill areas, unfortunately - but worry not, because there are several skills that are fairly close.
      • "Advanced Engineering" would be Engineering - and would you mind writing two or three sentences describing Arfelios' talents in this area, please? I'd consult the Star Army Technician/Engineer article and the Engineering Tactics Manual - as both have plenty of useful information about the field.
      • "Microtechnology" would probably fall under Construction; similar to the above, you mind writing two or three sentences describing Arfelios' talents in this area, please?
      • As a martial art, "Kendo (Basic)" would fall under Fighting - and is something that in my humble opinion should be mentioned in the History section. When and where, for instance, did Arfelios begin studying it? Did he make any friends in the process?
    • Given that the above only adds up to six skills, what else would you be interested in having Arfelios be knowledgable of, @Arkovic?
I know it seems like a lot, and I apologize if it seems...overly inquisitive or overwhelming or anything - I'm merely curious about what forged Arfelios into what he is today. I also typed the first three-quarters of this review an hour before I had to leave for the airport, then finished the rest while waiting in one the aforementioned airport's lounges - hence it's not as "polished" as I'd like it to be. :oops:
 
Last edited:
I just checked the wiki page, and I still see that @Arkovic is still working on this.

So my suggestions for improving this character sheet are:
Physical description:
I am assuming that Arfelios is a Plebian rather than just a "man"?

History:
I just see a couple minor spelling errors. Frost already highlighted the history details that should be considered for addition, I know there is a lot to take in but I hope to see you complete this so you can join the Kaiyo. =)
 
Any updates on this? I see @Arkovic hasn't been on in about a month. I will give it another week before I move this to the shelved forum.
 
All righty, my deadline has passed so I will move this to Abandoned for now. If you want to re-submit this, please let me know and I will move it back!
 
RPG-D RPGfix
Back
Top