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Approved Submission LEWD Armor

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Thank you for your submission!

Some immediate concerns, most of which are formatting issues:
  • The headings in the article are not properly nested. (If you need some help with this, I think its a bit easier to explain in chat)
  • Keywords need to be linked to other SARP wiki articles, for example, things like: Section Six, etc should have their keywords linked to their respective articles.
  • I'd suggest utilizing the new component template for this: Component Template
  • I think the warnings are a good idea when used in moderation, but I think it might work better if you make a heading under which to explain in proper paragraphs what the dangers of various misuses of the product are.

Overall, I like the concept of your design, it would be interesting to see this deployed in actual RP. Hope it gets some screentime, once it reaches the approval stage.
 
@Andrew While I appreciate the thought on the warnings, I didn't feel full paragraphs were prudent, necessary, or a good stylistic choice for this particular application. Army TM style warning labels shall remain as is.
 
With andrew currently on a medical hiatus for his own personal health i will be taking over this submission.

Lets dust off the old checklist~


[ ✅ ] 1. The destination URL should be a page in the appropriate namespace and titled lower_case_with_underscores
[ ✅ ] 2. The article is in the appropriate format and article template
[ ❌ ] 3. The article follows our wiki style guidelines, including: No forced line breaks, text after each section header, etc.
[ ❌ ] 4. The article is easily read and free of errors in spelling and grammar
[ ✅ ] 5. Links to other wiki articles are present as appropriate and are not broken
[ ✅ ] 6. The article fits into the Star Army universe's space opera theme and technology levels
[ / ] 7. Images in the article are hosted on Star Army's wiki and sourced responsibly (contact Wes privately if there's a concern)
[ ✅ ] 8. The article is original and doesn't contain copy-pasted content from other articles.
[ ❌ ] 9. The article complies with Star Army's rules in terms of damage ratings, speed limits, etc.
[ ✅ ] 10. The Faction Manager(s), if applicable, have posted approval for this article in this thread.

Here's some fixes this article still needs:

While not required, the namespace should end as lewd_armor. Instead of just lewd for convenience sake.

The article is not particularly easy to read. The information is all over the place, with skub sections being too bare as compared to the function and design, with a lot of prose left bare and the original placeholder text still present and not replaced at all with an alternative.

Some of the grammer is lacking in regards to running sentences in the descriptive prose under the articles title header. If you need help on understanding this give ame's Sentence Guide a glance.

The Nomenclature is there for marking and searching sake and convenience. It would look closer to something like s6-xx-xx .

This system is clearly a form of vehicular armor but is only mentioned this once and in very little detail. Until that point i was under the impression it was possibly an armored vest. Please make it clear in the opening sentences of the article exactly what this armor is meant to be used with.

This system has no descriptive scale in regards to its size or armor class. Such a system will need to be categorized in the DRv3 scale as all armors must. Otherwise its just staple-on plot armor that makes it invincible be it on a T-3 car or a T-10 tank. Examples of damage it can take to give readers of the article an idea of how to treat it without you having to call them out or them needing to contact you for your original idea are paramount.


@HarperMadi please consider these changes and post here when they are made. Or with further questions or concerns.
 
I believe I have addressed most of the items of requested edits in Madi's absence. Please let me know if anything was missed, or if not quite addressed as requested.
 
Alright, Lets bring the checklist back and see where we are at~


[ ✅ ] 1. The destination URL should be a page in the appropriate namespace and titled lower_case_with_underscores
[ ✅ ] 2. The article is in the appropriate format and article template
[ ✅ ] 3. The article follows our wiki style guidelines, including: No forced line breaks, text after each section header, etc.
[ ✅ ] 4. The article is easily read and free of errors in spelling and grammar
[ ✅ ] 5. Links to other wiki articles are present as appropriate and are not broken
[ ✅ ] 6. The article fits into the Star Army universe's space opera theme and technology levels
[ / ] 7. Images in the article are hosted on Star Army's wiki and sourced responsibly (contact Wes privately if there's a concern)
[ ✅ ] 8. The article is original and doesn't contain copy-pasted content from other articles.
[ ❌ ] 9. The article complies with Star Army's rules in terms of damage ratings, speed limits, etc.
[ ✅ ] 10. The Faction Manager(s), if applicable, have posted approval for this article in this thread.

OK! Making super good progress, Only a couple minor things to fix and we can move on!

Graphene is a very vague material that not a lot of people know about and assume is just the pencil tip, Many other NDC articles that use the material link to its wiki counterpart, Please replicate this for the sake of the readers that come across this article.


The provided example of a 6" by 6" square of armor matching up to T-6 heavy armor is quite concerning and leaves a lot of room for future submissions to abuse the size of this armor to make OP suits of armor, vehicles, man portable items, etc. I think it would be paramount to increase the size by a factor of one (Six inches is pretty small, You could go up to a foot and i think it would be acceptable. Otherwise it gives the possibility of abuse in future submissions.)

I think a price is unnecessary for this submission item. Being an armor system is good enough, and with a price of 2,000KS you could buy a JANE almost with the price of two hex pannels of this, A shuttle with three, And a Terrene Assault Ship for the price of 42 of these plates of armor that wouldnt even cover 252 square inches of a tank. It would make whatever you put this on virtually more valuable than Yama-Dura, or nermium,or possibly even zesuaium.

@Jack Pine please take note of these changes and contact me here when they are done. If not i will check back in on 9/25/2019 for an update/progress report.
 
I would like to give my two cents: I believe, and there is precedent for this, that the name just isn't workable. @Kai once submitted a hovercar named the Futanari, and Wes definitely refused to approve it because of the inherently lewd nature of the name. Therefore, I would believe that this applies to this submission as well- That, however, is my opinion, and is in no way binding.
 
Also that car was the Futurari which was supposed to be a portmanteu or Future and Ferrari. But yes, LEWD in and of itself is not a lewd word. Is it a bit of an immature, tongue in cheek acronym? Definitely, but this isn't the first of such things on SARP and likely won't be the last.
 
[ ✅ ] 1. The destination URL should be a page in the appropriate namespace and titled lower_case_with_underscores
[ ✅ ] 2. The article is in the appropriate format and article template
[ ✅ ] 3. The article follows our wiki style guidelines, including: No forced line breaks, text after each section header, etc.
[ ✅ ] 4. The article is easily read and free of errors in spelling and grammar
[ ✅ ] 5. Links to other wiki articles are present as appropriate and are not broken
[ ✅ ] 6. The article fits into the Star Army universe's space opera theme and technology levels
[ / ] 7. Images in the article are hosted on Star Army's wiki and sourced responsibly (contact Wes privately if there's a concern)
[ ✅ ] 8. The article is original and doesn't contain copy-pasted content from other articles.
[ ✅ ] 9. The article complies with Star Army's rules in terms of damage ratings, speed limits, etc.
[ ✅ ] 10. The Faction Manager(s), if applicable, have posted approval for this article in this thread.


Well done. APPROVED.

[ ✅ ] 1. State clearly that the article is approved in the submission thread
[/ ] 2. Move the wiki article to its permanent (destination) location on the wiki
[✅ ] 3. Move the submission thread to the Approved Submissions subforum or get a moderator to
[✅ ] 4. Edit the article to add a link to the approval thread in the OOC Notes section
[ ✅] 5. Remind the submitter to link to the newly-approved page wherever it makes sense to do so. <--- @Jack Pine
 
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