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Approved Character August "Frosty" McCain

1. Keep the Communication skill at full capacity — he should be able to operate ship comms (well enough), but definitely power armor and shuttles.

2. To say August excels in Fighting and Physical when it comes to handheld weapons of the "chemically propelled type ... " ehhhh. OK.

3. Under Strategy: "His spirit can almost never be broken ... " What's that mean and why is it there?

4. Violin? When did he learn to play? Where? What got him into it in the first place?

5. Leadership ... I'm not sure I understand where you're coming from. The first half repeats Strategy to some degree (aware of surroundings, plotting battlefield tactics by knowing what's happening on both sides) and his enthusiasm. But then you go into "stranglehold on dominate positions in squads." I don't get that.

And does no one discipline him?

6. I've hesitated to mention this before, but your grammar and spelling are ... wonky. Not the worst I've ever seen, but you use odd phrasings and a lot of comma splicing ("August never really had a family, but he did have two little sisters, which he loved dearly, his mom and dad were always away or drunk.." ... sted "August never really had a family, but he did have two little sisters, which he loved dearly. His mom and dad were always away or drunk.")

a. "he was never doing anything fun or special because he was taking care of his sisters," sted "he never did anything fun or special ..."

b. "A little too eager to get into trouble and responsibilities, a very ambitious young man and quite the socializer, but not to the point of a ladies man, rather of a good friend, somebody you can really trust, he even has a rebellious side to him."

I bring this up because the potential I see in you is quite real, and I don't want people to nag you for grammar stuff, especially when it's this borderline. Remember that most sentences shouldn't pile over 20 words and you'll be OK.

Otherwise, you're very nearly there.

This character is in progress.
 
Doshii Jun said:
1. Keep the Communication skill at full capacity — he should be able to operate ship comms (well enough), but definitely power armor and shuttles.

2. To say August excels in Fighting and Physical when it comes to handheld weapons of the "chemically propelled type ... " ehhhh. OK.
Click to expand...
"Chemical propelled" weapons are a sub-group of projectile weapons, with arrows, darts, and mass drivers, and would go under "Firearms", not "Fighting and Physical", which holds martial arts/fighting styles, fitness level, and melee weapons.

Doshii Jun said:
3. Under Strategy: "His spirit can almost never be broken ... " What's that mean and why is it there?
Click to expand...
That should be under his personality. Unless it specifically pertains to him never giving up in seemingly hopeless tactical situations, and nothing else (say...torture?), in which case, who cares if it's here? I still think it should be under his personality description.

Doshii Jun said:
4. Violin? When did he learn to play? Where? What got him into it in the first place?
Click to expand...
Good question, no comment.

Doshii Jun said:
5. Leadership ... I'm not sure I understand where you're coming from. The first half repeats Strategy to some degree (aware of surroundings, plotting battlefield tactics by knowing what's happening on both sides) and his enthusiasm. But then you go into "stranglehold on dominate positions in squads." I don't get that.

And does no one discipline him?
Click to expand...
It was my understanding that no one could have the Leadership quality for any characters until they reached a certain level of seniority and showed their talent for RP on the site, possibly because of the exploitation of such a skill. And it is rarely shown in new recruits, often not at all.

Doshii Jun said:
6. I've hesitated to mention this before, but your grammar and spelling are ... wonky. Not the worst I've ever seen, but you use odd phrasings and a lot of comma splicing ("August never really had a family, but he did have two little sisters, which he loved dearly, his mom and dad were always away or drunk.." ... sted "August never really had a family, but he did have two little sisters, which he loved dearly. His mom and dad were always away or drunk.")

a. "he was never doing anything fun or special because he was taking care of his sisters," sted "he never did anything fun or special ..."

b. "A little too eager to get into trouble and responsibilities, a very ambitious young man and quite the socializer, but not to the point of a ladies man, rather of a good friend, somebody you can really trust, he even has a rebellious side to him."

I bring this up because the potential I see in you is quite real, and I don't want people to nag you for grammar stuff, especially when it's this borderline. Remember that most sentences shouldn't pile over 20 words and you'll be OK.
Click to expand...
As long as you work on it, Truth, yeah, you could be fine. Otherwise, give me the word and I could look over this profile and adjust the comma/phrasing difficulties. Doshii know I'm a grammar nut : )

Doshii Jun said:
Otherwise, you're very nearly there.

This character is in progress.
Click to expand...
Yay!
 
Alright, well, let me settle some of your questions right now and I'll get to fixing up the minor stuff a bit later.

First off, let's resolve the spirit and strategy issue. By spirit I meant his morale, it is difficult to break and cause him to panic and retreat and since that is in the description of Strategy I thought it would be appropriate to be there.

Leadership and such has to do with know what is around you and what is going on at the same time, a leader must know pretty much everything if he is to make an effective decision. By " Stranglehold on dominate positions in squads," I meant that he sometimes attempts to take control of the squad if things are hanging on a thread. For discipline, I mean he doesn't always take the effects of discipline, he is disciplined, but it is not that easy to make him crack.

Please, if you see a problem with my spelling, tell me at the beginning, I am always looking to learn more grammar skills before I mess up big time. I'll fix those tonight.
 
Alright, some more stuff... for the types of weapons I am just going by what the Neps require for you to be in the Marine Corps and it labeled rifles, knives, grenades (And other explosives) under it, so yeah.

I never saw anything under leadership that stated that, unless I miss read the skill.

Spelling and grammar, I'll fix, again.
 
Oookay! That should fix it all, I added a little more on the history about his violin. Please, it's just an overview, I play on the style where you actually have to interact with the person to learn every detail about their lives, not just reading some page. Also, added the will thing to his personality and edited the communications and weapons deal. MissingNo, if you feel it necessary to check the grammar and such, feel free to do it, I'm not stopping you.
 
The copy I'm seeing still has the grammatical errors. ALSO what is the man's last name?

Is it McClain or McCain? You have his sisters as McClain and their father as McCain.

Also, I'm curious, August reallllly sounds like a girl's name. I'd also like to hear why you've given him the nickname of "Frosty" if he's a little social butterfly. The 2 don't ping to me as correlating if it's a nickname based on personality.

I also think that stating that he had a non-descript past with nothing special and then stating he had neglectful addict parents is contrary as well. It usually isn't normal to have alcoholics/drug addicts as parents... even in Funky City.
 
Looks good to me, once the typos are fixed. I'll let Sub or Moonie do the honors of approval.
 
Kim, please read it again, thoroughly, for the nickname I gave a small sentence on why they called him that. As for his name, well.. let me just put an example out there, the song by Johnny Cash called "A Boy Named Sue." Names are what the parents want it to be, obviously his parents decided to name him that. Although he does prefers "Frosty" over August.

For the history, -he- doesn't consider it anything special. That does not mean his past is completely void of interest. It was almost a normal thing to see where he lived.

I also fixed the name typo.

The link might be a little fuzzy, so here it is again. https://wiki.stararmy.com/doku.php?id=ch ... sty_mccain
 
MissingNo said:
"Chemical propelled" weapons are a sub-group of projectile weapons, with arrows, darts, and mass drivers, and would go under "Firearms", not "Fighting and Physical", which holds martial arts/fighting styles, fitness level, and melee weapons.
Click to expand...

There is no "Firearms" skill. It's not on the page for writing skills and all military skillsets have firearms technique under "Fighting and Physical", if you need proof.
 
@ Ex: Ah, okay. I don't often refer to the established sets since none of my characters have actually been military, and I've used the distinction between Firearms and Weapons vs. Fighting and Physical before in my own submissions.
 
Yeah, I thought the same thing about the last name.

As for the bio, the personality is very good, and the History reads fairly well. As for his leadership, correct me if I'm wrong, but it sounds as though his technique is grabbing command of the squad from the CO.

Other than that, I think everything else checks out pretty well.

Approved.

PS. You have no idea how long I've wanted to approve something. It's fuckin' awesome.
 
Good job, Truth! ^_^ Hm... It was pointed out to me that having multiple characters with the same lastname, but no relations, could add that common confusion that is known to happen in real life. That is good, apparently, for the roleplay overall.

PS. Woohoo!! Nice one, Sub! :D
 
Oh geeze! I did not know that there were so many of the last name. Well, I don't mean it like the guy running for president. I just thought of it on the spot.

Truth dances the happy dance, " Yay! My first character approved!"
 
SUBLIMEinal said:
Yeah, I thought the same thing about the last name.

As for the bio, the personality is very good, and the History reads fairly well. As for his leadership, correct me if I'm wrong, but it sounds as though his technique is grabbing command of the squad from the CO.

Other than that, I think everything else checks out pretty well.

Approved.

PS. You have no idea how long I've wanted to approve something. It's fuckin' awesome.
Click to expand...

You are right on the technique of his Leadership Skill, if he thinks something is going particularly bad, he'll try and lead.
 
Just remember that this most squad leaders will get pissed at this kind of thing, and if he's too brazen about it with the wrong officers, they might give him a round between the eyes for his trouble. Mutiny is a capital offense in the SMoDIN.
 
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