Whitehart
Inactive Member
Character Article URL: https://wiki.stararmy.com/doku.php?id=characters:yamatai:juan_juarez
Preferred Plot's GM: @Semjax
Preferred Plot's GM: @Semjax
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Approved Character [Black Vipers] Juan Juarez
- Thread starter Whitehart
- Start date
Mmm, While its okay as is in my opinion, I'd prefer maybe a bit more detail on personality.
That being said, you don't have to if you don't want to on my part, a character approver might say otherwise...
I really like how fleshed out and detailed the skills are though, and think thats good enough as well, the inventory looks solid, and I like how you even kept to character and had him gamble his stuff away, that was pretty good.
Overall though, I Approve you for the plot, and unless the character approvers have anything to say you're good to post once the interim gets thrown up on the 11th.
That being said, you don't have to if you don't want to on my part, a character approver might say otherwise...
I really like how fleshed out and detailed the skills are though, and think thats good enough as well, the inventory looks solid, and I like how you even kept to character and had him gamble his stuff away, that was pretty good.
Overall though, I Approve you for the plot, and unless the character approvers have anything to say you're good to post once the interim gets thrown up on the 11th.
Aendri
Inactive Member
Since Semjax hasn't had a chance to, I'll give you a decent rundown.
Occupation and Rank can both be filled in preemptively, you know the job he'd be looking for, and rank can be assumed to be either intern or member based off of the plot page, probably intern until you're told otherwise. Organization would be the Black Vipers, obviously, and that should be a link, not just listing it.
Physical section needs some grammar work, mostly commas.
Same thing with personality, but I'd also recommend you fill it out a bit. Expand on what you have now, because it basically reads like a set of bullet points, and not much else.
In the history, to my knowledge, the NPF doesn't actually have a SWAT unit. Their baseline armaments make modern swat look a bit wimpy, given what they regularly deal with, and anything outside of the NPFs capacity to cope usually gets relegated either to the Marines, or the IPG. It feels like that part of the history could basically just be altered to have him being a candidate to join the IPG because of his talents instead, and still keep more or less the same feel.
In the skills, the Nepleslian language is actually called "Trade". Is that the only language he speaks, though? I'd think a cop would've learned more, just because of the range of cultures they have to deal with day to day in Nepleslian territory, since pretty much every language and species is represented in Nepleslia.
The last line of Fighting should actually be part of a Physical skill, not Fighting. The best way to think of it is that the fighting skill covers the technical abilities, while physical covers, well, the physical side of things.
The acting skill should be renamed to either entertainment (that's where most performance skills reside) or the humanities skill (which is where most of the psychological side of things is). I think entertainment makes more sense with how you have the actual skill written.
Does he not have any keepsakes from his time with the Police, or from college? Getting through college in nepleslia is a pretty big deal, and cops tend to be pretty tight-knit groups, so it would make sense for him to have at least SOME memorabilia.
Outside of there, he actually looks pretty good! Just those few, fairly small edits, assuming Semjax doesn't see anything else he'd like changed.
This character is almost ready to be approved.
edit: And Semjax ninja's me. Well, it looks like most of what I said still stands.
Occupation and Rank can both be filled in preemptively, you know the job he'd be looking for, and rank can be assumed to be either intern or member based off of the plot page, probably intern until you're told otherwise. Organization would be the Black Vipers, obviously, and that should be a link, not just listing it.
Physical section needs some grammar work, mostly commas.
Same thing with personality, but I'd also recommend you fill it out a bit. Expand on what you have now, because it basically reads like a set of bullet points, and not much else.
In the history, to my knowledge, the NPF doesn't actually have a SWAT unit. Their baseline armaments make modern swat look a bit wimpy, given what they regularly deal with, and anything outside of the NPFs capacity to cope usually gets relegated either to the Marines, or the IPG. It feels like that part of the history could basically just be altered to have him being a candidate to join the IPG because of his talents instead, and still keep more or less the same feel.
In the skills, the Nepleslian language is actually called "Trade". Is that the only language he speaks, though? I'd think a cop would've learned more, just because of the range of cultures they have to deal with day to day in Nepleslian territory, since pretty much every language and species is represented in Nepleslia.
The last line of Fighting should actually be part of a Physical skill, not Fighting. The best way to think of it is that the fighting skill covers the technical abilities, while physical covers, well, the physical side of things.
The acting skill should be renamed to either entertainment (that's where most performance skills reside) or the humanities skill (which is where most of the psychological side of things is). I think entertainment makes more sense with how you have the actual skill written.
Does he not have any keepsakes from his time with the Police, or from college? Getting through college in nepleslia is a pretty big deal, and cops tend to be pretty tight-knit groups, so it would make sense for him to have at least SOME memorabilia.
Outside of there, he actually looks pretty good! Just those few, fairly small edits, assuming Semjax doesn't see anything else he'd like changed.
This character is almost ready to be approved.
edit: And Semjax ninja's me. Well, it looks like most of what I said still stands.
