Jack Pine
Well-Known Member
- Submission Faction(s)
- NDC
- Submission Terms
- I agree
new tank
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Approved Submission Centaur Main Battle Tank(MBT)
- Thread starter Jack Pine
- Start date
Firebrand
Inactive Member
I'll take this. Just to clarify, the destination namespace for this is going to be faction:ndc:vehicle:centaur_mbt, correct?
[ Y ] 1. The destination URL should be a page in the appropriate namespace and titled lower_case_with_underscores
[ Y ] 2. The article is in the appropriate format and article template
[ Y ] 3. The article follows our wiki style guidelines, including: No forced line breaks, text after each section header, etc.
[ N ] 4. The article is easily read and free of errors in spelling and grammar
[ Y] 5. Links to other wiki articles are present as appropriate and are not broken
[ Y ] 6. The article fits into the Star Army universe's space opera theme and technology levels
[ Y ] 7. Images in the article are hosted on Star Army's wiki and sourced responsibly (contact Wes privately if there's a concern)
[ X ] 8. The article is original and doesn't contain copy-pasted content from other articles.
[ N ] 9. The article complies with Star Army's rules in terms of damage ratings, speed limits, etc.
[ Y] 10. The Faction Manager(s), if applicable, have posted approval for this article in this thread.
Here's some fixes this article still needs:
1. Certain weapons and sub articles for this submission are not approved yet- Please link those ones in this thread, or make a submission thread for these articles. I believe that unapproved component articles can be submitted as part of a larger submission.
2. I cannot confirm that the vehicle's weapon load is rules compliant, given their unfinished nature. See above.
3. There are numerous grammatical and spelling issues here, I will list them below:
This may be a run on sentence and may be hard to parse; if possible, split it into two sentences. Also, it should read "main frontline armor unit for the NDC Armed Forces' "Duskerian Legion".
This section also has sentence fragments, bad grammar, and an Its-it's confusion. The second sentence would be better off split into two with less commas; likewise the it's there should be its.
When simply glancing through it, it appears fine but closer inspection brings up problems. The second sentence is a sentence fragment, and the period there should be replaced with a semicolon. The term is "Rolling out", not "Rolling in"- it refers to rolling a new vehicle out of the factory. In the sentence "Rolling in several new advancements in armor, weapons, shields, and internal systems the Centaur out paces the Hydra in almost every field save for settings it can be used in.", there should be a semicolon after internal systems, and out paces should be one word- consider replacing the word settings with environs or environments.
The two sentences "Where the Hydra could be used in water, ground, air, and even space. The Centaur is strictly limited to the ground of planetary bodies, and below water." should be restructured, as they are comparing and contrasting the Hydra and Centaur.
More its-it's issues- the It's in "It's turret is much of the same" should be its. Likewise, I would put a comma between "A long" and "Coil".
This doesn't have a good mouthfeel or eyefeel. Switch around the either and the via and it'll be fine.
Don't start sentences with And- use a semicolon or dash instead and keep the and lower cased.
... and so on and so forth. I don't want to sound as if I'm harping on you too hard.
5. Under "Onboard Systems Description", the text still refers to the Hydra.
6. I believe all vehicles and weapons require all units of measure to be in both imperial and metric- if you could add the metric units as well, that would be great.
Further Edit: I additionally believe, though this will not affect the approval of this item, that this tank is not... a good idea from a tank design standpoint. It is attempting to perform multiple mutually exclusive roles at once, and its huge size puts it into "Nazi or Soviet Crazy tank prototype" territory: which comes with problem that even advanced technology can't fully mitigate. Yes, I know that the Israeli Merkava carries infantry, but it makes numerous large sacrifices and purposeful design choices to do that, and that is to carry around four infantry in it. My recommendation is to chose, to make it either a tank or an IFV and do not try to do both.
[ Y ] 1. The destination URL should be a page in the appropriate namespace and titled lower_case_with_underscores
[ Y ] 2. The article is in the appropriate format and article template
[ Y ] 3. The article follows our wiki style guidelines, including: No forced line breaks, text after each section header, etc.
[ N ] 4. The article is easily read and free of errors in spelling and grammar
[ Y] 5. Links to other wiki articles are present as appropriate and are not broken
[ Y ] 6. The article fits into the Star Army universe's space opera theme and technology levels
[ Y ] 7. Images in the article are hosted on Star Army's wiki and sourced responsibly (contact Wes privately if there's a concern)
[ X ] 8. The article is original and doesn't contain copy-pasted content from other articles.
[ N ] 9. The article complies with Star Army's rules in terms of damage ratings, speed limits, etc.
[ Y] 10. The Faction Manager(s), if applicable, have posted approval for this article in this thread.
Here's some fixes this article still needs:
1. Certain weapons and sub articles for this submission are not approved yet- Please link those ones in this thread, or make a submission thread for these articles. I believe that unapproved component articles can be submitted as part of a larger submission.
2. I cannot confirm that the vehicle's weapon load is rules compliant, given their unfinished nature. See above.
3. There are numerous grammatical and spelling issues here, I will list them below:
This may be a run on sentence and may be hard to parse; if possible, split it into two sentences. Also, it should read "main frontline armor unit for the NDC Armed Forces' "Duskerian Legion".
This section also has sentence fragments, bad grammar, and an Its-it's confusion. The second sentence would be better off split into two with less commas; likewise the it's there should be its.
When simply glancing through it, it appears fine but closer inspection brings up problems. The second sentence is a sentence fragment, and the period there should be replaced with a semicolon. The term is "Rolling out", not "Rolling in"- it refers to rolling a new vehicle out of the factory. In the sentence "Rolling in several new advancements in armor, weapons, shields, and internal systems the Centaur out paces the Hydra in almost every field save for settings it can be used in.", there should be a semicolon after internal systems, and out paces should be one word- consider replacing the word settings with environs or environments.
The two sentences "Where the Hydra could be used in water, ground, air, and even space. The Centaur is strictly limited to the ground of planetary bodies, and below water." should be restructured, as they are comparing and contrasting the Hydra and Centaur.
More its-it's issues- the It's in "It's turret is much of the same" should be its. Likewise, I would put a comma between "A long" and "Coil".
This doesn't have a good mouthfeel or eyefeel. Switch around the either and the via and it'll be fine.
Don't start sentences with And- use a semicolon or dash instead and keep the and lower cased.
... and so on and so forth. I don't want to sound as if I'm harping on you too hard.
5. Under "Onboard Systems Description", the text still refers to the Hydra.
6. I believe all vehicles and weapons require all units of measure to be in both imperial and metric- if you could add the metric units as well, that would be great.
Further Edit: I additionally believe, though this will not affect the approval of this item, that this tank is not... a good idea from a tank design standpoint. It is attempting to perform multiple mutually exclusive roles at once, and its huge size puts it into "Nazi or Soviet Crazy tank prototype" territory: which comes with problem that even advanced technology can't fully mitigate. Yes, I know that the Israeli Merkava carries infantry, but it makes numerous large sacrifices and purposeful design choices to do that, and that is to carry around four infantry in it. My recommendation is to chose, to make it either a tank or an IFV and do not try to do both.
Last edited:
Firebrand
Inactive Member
@Jack Pine , are you still working on this submission?
Firebrand
Inactive Member
[ Y ] 1. The destination URL should be a page in the appropriate namespace and titled lower_case_with_underscores
[ Y ] 2. The article is in the appropriate format and article template
[ Y ] 3. The article follows our wiki style guidelines, including: No forced line breaks, text after each section header, etc.
[ Y ] 4. The article is easily read and free of errors in spelling and grammar
[ Y ] 5. Links to other wiki articles are present as appropriate and are not broken
[ Y ] 6. The article fits into the Star Army universe's space opera theme and technology levels
[ Y ] 7. Images in the article are hosted on Star Army's wiki and sourced responsibly (contact Wes privately if there's a concern)
[ Y ] 8. The article is original and doesn't contain copy-pasted content from other articles.
[ Y ] 9. The article complies with Star Army's rules in terms of damage ratings, speed limits, etc.
[ Y ] 10. The Faction Manager(s), if applicable, have posted approval for this article in this thread.
Alright, this submission is APPROVED.
Or, wait, no, I can't do that anymore. @Charmaylarg Dufrain , Its on you.
[ Y ] 2. The article is in the appropriate format and article template
[ Y ] 3. The article follows our wiki style guidelines, including: No forced line breaks, text after each section header, etc.
[ Y ] 4. The article is easily read and free of errors in spelling and grammar
[ Y ] 5. Links to other wiki articles are present as appropriate and are not broken
[ Y ] 6. The article fits into the Star Army universe's space opera theme and technology levels
[ Y ] 7. Images in the article are hosted on Star Army's wiki and sourced responsibly (contact Wes privately if there's a concern)
[ Y ] 8. The article is original and doesn't contain copy-pasted content from other articles.
[ Y ] 9. The article complies with Star Army's rules in terms of damage ratings, speed limits, etc.
[ Y ] 10. The Faction Manager(s), if applicable, have posted approval for this article in this thread.
Alright, this submission is APPROVED.
Or, wait, no, I can't do that anymore. @Charmaylarg Dufrain , Its on you.
Charmaylarg Dufrain
🎖️ Game Master
Good jorb, Jacky. Time for the final steps. Ye can move it and link it to where it has to be. Just make sure something links to it to avoid being an orphaned article!
[ Y ] 1. State clearly that the article is approved in the submission thread
[ Y ] 2. Move the wiki article to its permanent (destination) location on the wiki
[ Y ] 3. Move the submission thread to the Approved Submissions subforum or get a moderator to
[ Y ] 4. Edit the article to add a link to the approval thread in the OOC Notes section
[ Y ] 5. Remind the submitter to link to the newly-approved page wherever it makes sense to do so.
[ Y ] 1. State clearly that the article is approved in the submission thread
[ Y ] 2. Move the wiki article to its permanent (destination) location on the wiki
[ Y ] 3. Move the submission thread to the Approved Submissions subforum or get a moderator to
[ Y ] 4. Edit the article to add a link to the approval thread in the OOC Notes section
[ Y ] 5. Remind the submitter to link to the newly-approved page wherever it makes sense to do so.
