RP (18+): 5XF and Colony Fleet [Companion Story] Do I need a counsellor? I've lost my way

[Andrew]

RP Date

YE 44.7

RP Location

Asagumo-jo

Asagumo-jo, Port Jiyuu
Sometime After, Prelude - Natsukashi

The days and nights were busy with planning for the colonial operation, the Fifth Expeditionary Fleet, and the clan. Unfortunately, there were times in between the rush when Katsuko was left to think. She had come to accept the fact she needed help, that everything was finally catching up to her. If anything was proof of this it was the way she had received Akina's return home, she crumbled huddled from crying on the floor was not a planned or recited reaction, it was her mental state. Entwined beneath a blanket on one of the sofas, soaking the flicker of the volumetric fire place Katsuko said quietly to Akina, "I think I might need to recruit a counselor for this trip, the love I feel as if I have lost my way," she said quietly, "This feud with Senator Iemochi has made it all come down on me, it has my mind consumed with thoughts of revenge and violence. I feel hate and I don't know what to do with it..." she had never been really open this way with anyone but Akina and Yaichiro, to her it was a risk to bear her feelings because the Empire was quick to judge those within positions of power, "I just, I can't see past the image of him being like Kiyoko, like Tio and it scares me right to my core that another United Outer Colonies could form because of it, " she shared her fears, uncertain of how her spouse would react to her. "I wanted so bad to respond objectively, but all I could feel is anger; I see that man and his party as monsters that will one day destroy the Empire..." she reached for her glass of umeshu and took a drink, "I feel so lost, it is all coming back to me and it haunts me, love," she felt the nagging twists of failure inside of herself.

"I don't want to appear as a woman running from her problems, but that is exactly what I am. Forcing an operation that was to commence years from now, because I don't want any risks of Motoyoshi becoming influenced again, and not just them but our daughters as well. I've been a bad mother, perhaps it is my fault Tio and Kikyo became what they did..." Katsuko added then set down her glass before she lost herself in Akina's warmth.

Spoiler: OOC

@Miyako

 

[Miyako]

A couple wars ago, Akina had been Katsuko's aide, even if they had fallen in love quickly after that. It just made it easier for her, when they were together. Katsuko was easily the person she knew best. It had not come as a total surprise to hear all that her wife gushed out, and she gave her a full squeeze with her entire body, even using her legs to 'hug' the other woman's legs. One free hand slid into her hair at the top of her head, and lips with a touch of plum wine on them comfortingly pressed to her temple.

"Mmm, I'm glad you finally told me what has been eating at you, dearheart. I prefer love your passion, but you've become very wound up by his petty nonsense, because you understand the stakes and I don't think he or that little sliver of people do, either? He is a proper fool, but I do not think it's to the level you worry it is. We've seen far worse before." A few more kisses dotted the side of her love's head. It did give Akina pause, there was something to worry about, but, "Have faith. The overwhelming mass of citizens see this for what it is, or why would I have been elected by so many? Give them some more credit. I am as loyal as you are, and socially liberal, I just know my loyalties, and his are only to himself. That desperate grasping need for recognition or...whatever he's compensating for just sweats out of him even over the feeds." She calmly murmured, though it did make her actually titter.

"I am always here to support you, even if I was a terrible wife before, I can make up for it and more. I don't think having a counselor around would be a bad thing, if you feel like extra help that is very healthy. I'm sure I could meet with them too, I still remember things about...back then. You have more than a few reasons to be upset, anyone would be, if you want to talk to someone professional, by all means, if not, then we'll just do our best." She didn't want to bring up her own issues, this was about Katsuko. "They turn out that way because of you, you're a good mother, we all make mistakes. Think of everyone else that you've known that adores you or accepts your mistakes, without doing things like that." She sighed softly, and nuzzled her cheek to her wife's to pass some extra warmth. "Part of feeling better might be having to work through that." She felt bad enough that Katsuko really didn't have much time with the triplets, but she didn't want to pile on when she was pouring her heart out to her.

"I don't like seeing you in this much pain, so any way to help that you-...that you agree to that is healthy I think is a good step." She snuffled a little, but kept from crying, though her eyes did dewy with emotion.

"It's more like a working vacation, it might have been scheduled for later but we're proving we can do it now, why not now? Our citizens need to expand, it's not running away, I think you realized you wanted something more, that fits you better. There is nothing wrong with that, if you ask me. The girls will be better for seeing you, if anything. I trust they are going to be okay, even if something happens. We'd not be leaving without all of them if I felt otherwise."

Katsuko earned a kiss from her, and another full body squeeze, "I hope you can find a cute one." To inject a bit more levity into the conversation. "I love you."

 

[Andrew]

Akina had always brought that comfort, she was steadfast in every way and the good thing was Katsuko knew she could trust her, there were many who would try to take advantage and she felt she needed to talk to someone, a professional about the bitter hatred that the Senator had brought out in her. "You're right, we have handled worse but how long before it gets worse? Somewhere out there I am sure there is someone prepared to continue Kiyoko's legacy and that baffoon of an Elysian would be a perfect target for them," she said with a sigh. She leaned into the forehead kisses, enrobed in her wife's comfort.

"I'm just glad you're here, you being here helps so much my love," she said with hopeless adoration in her voice. Despite her upset, she really was happy. "I have so much to do, and I forgot that I had requested an audience with the Empress, so I am going to have to return to Yamatai at some point before we leave," the Taisho recalled, her list of communications was quite lengthy, "You will come with me to Yamatai, right? It would not hurt to get the house staff at Motoyoshi-jo ready for our absence, I'm not sure how many of the Clan will travel there while we are gone," she quizzed.

"I love you too, don't forget it," Katsuko said in reply.

"Why don't you bring the girls with us?" she asked a breath after, she at least had to make an effort with them. She had been absent from their lives for too long.

 

[Miyako]

Able to press her cheek to cheek again, Akina gave her wife a firm and loving squeeze with all of herself again and found herself without thinking, petting her blue hair in completely affectionate doting. "If it does, we'll be able to do something, besides, heika trusts you, and I haven't met her as much, but I know you'll let her know I'm as always, a servant of the Empire. They'd be pretty mad at me on Nataria if I were anything else. Though I can serve you, and serve you some more love at any time." Fingers spread slightly to work some of that luxurious hair through them, making the stroking a bit more slow, but even more gentle. "I was going to ask to come if you didn't. Besides, I don't want to make some enlisted person clear out my things at Command."

"Miu is posted to a Yugumo ship, the YCS Bastion of Winter? She sent a message to tell me it's, "Mostly full of pretty foxes!", so she'll be away for a while? Once my orders are done going through Mistress Ketsurui, I'm sure you or I could move Akiko, she is command, and there's always a need for experienced captain or XO. She acts a little detached when we come up but I know she misses you a lot. Ayano...ah..." Akina trailed off, rubbing her tongue to her cheek, "...I think she loves science most of all, but even though she can be prickly she would be easy to get, given the expedition, and she is more honest with her feelings just a little more-...terse? About them." The youngest of their triplets was a doctor, they could definitely find a use for her somewhere among the fleet.

"I forgot to ask you, in all the um, reuniting and other business we've been about, you were made a Ketsurui does that apply to myself and the girls, or is that by person, not extended by marriage? I looked over the Imperial Dictates on the matter, and it says yes, but that is barring some special provision they set and I wasn't privy to it soo..." Though what she really wanted to get at came out next, sounding even more interested, "...I might as well hyphen Motoyoshi in too." Complete with an impish smile on her lips. That same smile ended up pressed along her mate's cheek until she was able to give her one full smack.

 

[Andrew]

Katsuko felt so safe there in those moments, the conversation was almost like some kind of dream. It was grounding, it was soothing; the searing anger that pumped through her veins was something else, she said quickly, "It will be a quick trip - the Yamatai part anyway, I have too much to do here."

She was a little shocked, she had not realized that Miu had been assigned to Ms. Winter's ship, "Ms. Winters has been a very dedicated employee, Miu is in good hands with her," she confirmed. It made her smile to hear of their daughters, their successes and passions, she felt as if she had been asleep for eternity and woken to a changed universe, at least some of them were thriving. "You move them if they want it if they truly want it - I don't want to uproot their entire lives, they probably have people who care for them too, I don't want to step into their lives as some tragic whirlwind, " she said with a sigh and she soaked up that meeting of her wife's lips.

"In honesty, right now it would honor me the most if you put Motoyoshi in, " Katsuko whispered, "I need you...I've always needed you," her words trailed off as she lowered the illumination in the room, leaving only the flicker of the volumetric fire.

The night would fade on...just another ripple upon the ocean.

>End.