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Approved Character Deacon
- Thread starter AoK
- Start date
MissingNo
Inactive Member
I think this looks good...*waits for Nep GMs to give opinions*
Technical stuff:
First thing noticed was the "She receives a weekly salary of -salary- per week" at the bottom, probably left over from the automated formatting thing(?)
Second thing noticed was the main header (because it became the title of the blue bar at the top of the Firefox window and was very long). Most likely you can get shorten that to either "Deacon" or "Burning Autumn Wind" and then add an "Aliases" section (or just replace "Bra Size" with "Aliases") in the information grid below it. In the "Aliases" section, you could write something like:
(See https://wiki.stararmy.com/doku.php?id=characters:yamatai:tweak for examples of information grid formatting.)
The more nitpicky details were things like the Parents/Creator section: You can probably just move that info to a mention in the History section and write "parents unknown/deceased" in the Parents/Creator box (this would cause the grid to shrink down to a smaller size, too), and there was a missing comma (or "and") between Brother Night Watches Over and Sister Winter's Mist. Also, a missing end-parenthesis after "maces" and an unnecessary capital "b" on "blunt weapons" in the Weapons section.
You can probably remove the height-weight and measurements info from either "General Information" or "Physical Characteristics", otherwise it's repetition. That's just a streamlining issue, not required though (since it was put there by the auto-formatter in the first place).
Query, to either AoK or a Nepleslian GM: Would an anthro hyena be able to fit (comfortably or uncomfortably) into a power armor?
Technical stuff:
First thing noticed was the "She receives a weekly salary of -salary- per week" at the bottom, probably left over from the automated formatting thing(?)
Second thing noticed was the main header (because it became the title of the blue bar at the top of the Firefox window and was very long). Most likely you can get shorten that to either "Deacon" or "Burning Autumn Wind" and then add an "Aliases" section (or just replace "Bra Size" with "Aliases") in the information grid below it. In the "Aliases" section, you could write something like:
Likewise, change the info grid header, I think it's supposed to read "General Information" with the name being the first box in the grid.
(See https://wiki.stararmy.com/doku.php?id=characters:yamatai:tweak for examples of information grid formatting.)
The more nitpicky details were things like the Parents/Creator section: You can probably just move that info to a mention in the History section and write "parents unknown/deceased" in the Parents/Creator box (this would cause the grid to shrink down to a smaller size, too), and there was a missing comma (or "and") between Brother Night Watches Over and Sister Winter's Mist. Also, a missing end-parenthesis after "maces" and an unnecessary capital "b" on "blunt weapons" in the Weapons section.
You can probably remove the height-weight and measurements info from either "General Information" or "Physical Characteristics", otherwise it's repetition. That's just a streamlining issue, not required though (since it was put there by the auto-formatter in the first place).
Query, to either AoK or a Nepleslian GM: Would an anthro hyena be able to fit (comfortably or uncomfortably) into a power armor?
James, so you know, I haven't reviewed this yet, and I've got to get going for the day. I'll examine it tonight. Sorry dude.
I think the biggest thing here is Tracking. That should be lumped into Strategy & Tactics, and perhaps even replace Strategy. That would allow you a separate skill slot, without all that command stuff (that doesn't seem to fit him).
Why doesn't he have a history?
Otherwise, all seems OK to me.
This character is pending.
Why doesn't he have a history?
Otherwise, all seems OK to me.
This character is pending.
Alright, Doshii, I moved the tracking up into one of the other skills, and added Medical. Also, could you clarify if I am supposed to use the Nepleslian CCG, or not? '5tar is telling me that it is out of date and that the skills listed there are not accurate for what is allowed in a Nepleslian character, so since you are the approval 'committee', an answer would be great.
As for his not having a history written, I didn't think writing a history for him would be appropriate, considering none of it would be RPed out and would just be things that only I could approve of, since I am the only one having done work on the Kohanians, as well as them being my race.
As for his not having a history written, I didn't think writing a history for him would be appropriate, considering none of it would be RPed out and would just be things that only I could approve of, since I am the only one having done work on the Kohanians, as well as them being my race.
What MoonMan said. It doesn't make sense how he even joined up with Nepleslia; that's what I'd want to know. Yes, you're the only one who can approve it, but you're a GM and a faction leader; it's fine in this case.
Bitchin'. As soon as a Nep mastah approves the history, ye shall be good to go.
SUBLIMEinal
Well-Known Member
Looks pretty good to me.
It'll be nice to see the Kohanians out and about.
It'll be nice to see the Kohanians out and about.
This character is approved for IC usage.
