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Approved Character Dimitri S Rogues

SentientRace

SentientRace

Inactive Member
Dimitri S Rogues. Scheduled to enter play in Scot's Bounty Hunter plot.

By the way, I have a question: if I wanted to make a customized Geshrinari Freighter for Dimitri, would I have to make an article about that particular Geshrinari? Normally I don't think I would, but this one has some smuggled military weapons thanks to his connections with the Black Syndicate, so I think that particularity might warrant an article exclusively for it.

I await the judgement of the SARP gods.
 
The answer is yes. You would have to make a Wiki page for the ship, and explain what military weapons he has, how aqcuired.
 
Okay, review time.

In build, you said "His build is fair". I'm guessing you meant his skin tone, in which case that needs to be reworded. You also described his muscles as "wrapped tightly around his body". What? Everyone's muscles are wrapped around their body, what you need to do is describe how heavily muscled he is.

I'm also pretty sure it's not heterochromia if one of the eyes is bionic. I think that's only if they're different colored naturally.

I dislike the history immensely. Too much of it depends on an organization that has almost no information about it listed, and I dislike that. Also, Shinchiro Watanabe cannot be used as a name. He's a famous director. Also you start randomly mentioning someone named Melchior with no prior explanation of who he is part of the way through, only that he plans to kill the friend.

In vehicles, it should be legitimate not legit.

Finally, I find it hard to believe that a bounty hunter would only own one gun, with no accessories. Very hard.

This character is awaiting changes.
 
Alright. Made the changes.

Did all the fixes. Added a couple of guns and some gun accessories. Added a Cybernetics section explaining what the arm and eye do.

The history stays the same, though. =/ I like it too much to change it. I don't have to go into details about Black Syndicate in the RP, particularly because even though he wants to disassemble them and kill them, he has to stay away from them cuz they also want him dead, and he won't get close to them (AKA be willing to die) until he feels he's redeemed himself enough.

BUT he needs to find his sister first to make sure he's made amends, which might be never, at the GM's discretion.

I will have to make the ship's wiki page later. For now, it's just a geshrinari. I won't get in the RP until I finish the ship's wiki, though, just to be fair.
 
Edited the wiki page to link back to the Blacks.

SR, the history you have is great. I actually like it. There's enough madness on Nepleslia that the scenario you draw out is plausible.

However, I'm with Aendri on this: It doesn't belong in the character's biography.

You should be able to sum it up in a paragraph or two. Shorter paragraphs, in fact. Basically, he joined a gang, had a partner, partner was with his sister, sister banged his best friend, partner killed best friend and beat sister, he saved his sister, got torn up (physically) by it, then went out to be on his own and badass 'cause his sister's likely dead.

You're giving away too much in the biography and making it hard for people to access the bio. Later on, when he's revealed parts of it, you can add those pieces back in.

He's been a bounty hunter for five years, so that likely justifies the skills.
 
Alright. I summarized the biography. Hopefully this'll be easier on the eyes, as well as leave a lot to explain in the actual RP.
 
Okay, looks more or less good to me. Just one or two changes.

In the cybernetics section, I'd remove the part about being right-handed and it helping him knock people out. Losing a body part actually tends to make people shit their focus. Think broken arm. A lot of people are actually better with their other arm when they finally get the cast off, just because it's habitual.

History looks much better.

In build, what color of skin does he have? pale to tanned says absolutely nothing, since most skin tones can be paler or more tanned. Just specify.

Pending those changes, I recommend approval.
 
Although I disagree with suddenly changing handedness after the operation, I still complied and didn't mention it in the cybernetics.

Since skin tone was giving me so many problems, I decided to go with the real names for skin tones provided here and here.

I hope this is enough to satisfy.
 
I like to post this up in a frame as the example for bounty hunter templates.

I can use the background without directly interfering with it, and has some opening for expansion during RP.

I don't quite agree with the handedness myself since it seemed to have gained a new arm as soon as he lost it, not giving time to change hands. Then again handedness isn't so important when punching people out.
 
Scot said:
I don't quite agree with the handedness myself since it seemed to have gained a new arm as soon as he lost it, not giving time to change hands. Then again handedness isn't so important when punching people out.
Click to expand...
Me and Scot will get along juuuussttt fine. xD
 
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