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Approved Submission [Galactic Horizon] External Respiration Kit

SirSkully

SirSkully

🦊 FM of Neshaten
🦾 FM of Nepleslia
🎖️ Game Master
Submission URL
https://stararmy.com/wiki/doku.php?id=corp:galactic_horizon:gh-g10-3e_external_respiration_kit
Submission Faction(s)
  2. Outlaws (Independent)
Submission Terms
  1. I agree
Submission Type: Utility Item
Template Used: Clothing - Modified

Faction:
FM Approved Yet?: No @club24
Faction requires art?: No? although I may be looking at getting some later

For Reviewers:
Contains Unapproved Sub-Articles? No
Contains New art? No
Previously Submitted? No

Notes: Jack mentioned a dust storm and I saw an opportunity, lmao
 
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welp I have no issues, you might wanna shorten some of those sentences before Arbs rolls in to throw grammar books at you speaking from experience.

One thing from me which was just a thought I had wouldn't need any actual power for this system to work, even those little strip indicators could be chemical reaction based so they decrease or change colour when the concentration of oxygen or bad particles increases/decreases.

ALSO, based on what wes said here, I would like to ask @Zack or @Jack Pine to look this over and give FM approval cause USO based ^^
 
Hello! Let's see if this submission meets the requirements for inclusion in Star Army's lore...

[X] 1. The destination URL should be a page in the appropriate namespace and titled lower_case_with_underscores
[ ] 2. The article is in the appropriate format and article template
[ ] 3. The article follows our wiki style guidelines, including: No forced line breaks, text after each section header, etc.
[X] 4. The article is easily read and free of errors in spelling and grammar
[X] 5. Links to other wiki articles are present as appropriate
[X] 6. The article fits into the Star Army universe's space opera theme and technology levels
[X] 7. Images in the article are hosted on Star Army's wiki and sourced responsibly (contact Wes privately if there's a concern)
[X] 8. The article is original and doesn't contain copy-pasted content from other articles.
[X] 9. The article complies with Star Army's rules in terms of damage ratings, speed limits, etc.
[X] 10. The Faction Manager(s), if applicable, have posted approval for this article in this thread.

Fixes needed:
  1. Bold items instead of headers
  2. Some headers don't have text after them
  3. Price list formatting syntax
  4. Only the title of a page should use an ====== H1 title header ======
I changed some spellings to American English equivalents.
 
Kept the electric thingo @club24 and fixed all the things @Wes except for the pricing syntax, what was wrong with it?

Edit: the ===== H1 title header ====== was a mistake, sorry about that and the other issues.
 
Hello! Let's see if this submission meets the requirements for inclusion in Star Army's lore...

[X] 1. The destination URL should be a page in the appropriate namespace and titled lower_case_with_underscores
[X] 2. The article is in the appropriate format and article template
[ ] 3. The article follows our wiki style guidelines, including: No forced line breaks, text after each section header, etc.
[X] 4. The article is easily read and free of errors in spelling and grammar
[X] 5. Links to other wiki articles are present as appropriate
[X] 6. The article fits into the Star Army universe's space opera theme and technology levels
[X] 7. Images in the article are hosted on Star Army's wiki and sourced responsibly (contact Wes privately if there's a concern)
[X] 8. The article is original and doesn't contain copy-pasted content from other articles.
[X] 9. The article complies with Star Army's rules in terms of damage ratings, speed limits, etc.
[X] 10. The Faction Manager(s), if applicable, have posted approval for this article in this thread.

Fixes needed:
  1. Title header needs to be H1 instead of H2
  2. Headers need colons removed
  3. Header levels should be adjusted so that they don't jump around (make the ones like Mask ==== H3 ==== since they follow an ===== H2 ===== )
  4. Use real list items (bullet points) in the pricing section
  5. H1 header in Operation still needs to be corrected.
  6. Add a history section
 
APPROVED

Thanks again for submitting an article to the wiki! Time for some final steps for the reviewer...

[ X ] 1. State clearly that the article is approved in the submission thread
[ X ] 2. Move the wiki article to its permanent (destination) location on the wiki
[ X ] 3. Move the submission thread to the Approved Submissions subforum or get a moderator to
[ X ] 4. Edit the article to add a link to the approval thread in the OOC Notes section
[ X ] 5. Link other articles to the approved article as appropriate (equipment lists, etc.)
 
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