Star ArmyⓇ

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Approved Submission [Galactic Horizon] Recoil Compensating Revolver + ammo + scope

SirSkully

FM of S6
Game Master
Actually I might add one small thing, so hold up on reviewing this for another day or so, cheers
 

club24

Everything Is Magical
FM of Neshaten
Game Master
Dunno how your edits are going but concept approved, someone correct me if it’s wrong but I believe we’re just meant to list the dr as the maximum dr it can use now?

I might be confusing it with shields but thought I’d mention it in case.
 

SirSkully

FM of S6
Game Master
Okay never mind about that proposed change, this thing already has enough sub articles so I'll submit it in something else - this is ready for review ^^
 

Syaoran

Staff Member
Submissions Reviewer
FM of Abwehr
Game Master
Okay so on the weapon and the bullets I fixed some minor spelling and grammar things. However on the scope, between "Function and Design" and "Appearance" you just have run on sentences that are hard to pace when reading. Grammar isn't my strong point, so I can't easily fix them without changing the wording, so I'd like you to see if you can. A general tip is if you can't say the whole sentence in one light breath it's probably too long.

Another thing is that there is redundant information in the appearance section from the F&D section. (This is for the scope as well)
 

Syaoran

Staff Member
Submissions Reviewer
FM of Abwehr
Game Master
The last sentence of the first paragraph under "Function and Design" should probably be broken into two sentences, it's still a bit runny. And the first sentence of the first paragraph under "Function and Design" and First sentence of "Appearance" have repeated information.
 
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