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Approved Submission [Horizon] Sonic-Flare Sidearm

club24

Everything Is Magical
Submission URL
https://stararmy.com/wiki/doku.php?id=corp:galactic_horizon:gh-w1-5g_sonic-flare_sidearm
List Any Unapproved Sub-Articles
Micro Core this link is technically a sub article although it's added to the end of a page like its predecessors were

tagging @Ametheliana this is one of the articles i mentioned in the planning thread about using in rp before finishing it, i didn't end up using it yet and had the urge to finish it
Submission Faction(s)
  1. Neshaten
Submission Terms
  1. I agree
For anyone else browsing the NTSE forums, this weapon is available to any character in any faction for the shown price
 
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Hello! Let's see if this submission meets the requirements for inclusion in Star Army's lore...

[ ✔️ ] 1. The destination URL should be a page in the appropriate namespace and titled lower_case_with_underscores
[ ❌ ] 2. The article is in the appropriate format and article template
[ ❌ ] 3. The article follows our wiki style guidelines, including: No forced line breaks, text after each section header, etc.
[ ❌ ] 4. The article is easily read and free of errors in spelling and grammar
[ ✔️ ] 5. Links to other wiki articles are present as appropriate
[ ✔️ ] 6. The article fits into the Star Army universe's space opera theme and technology levels
[ ❌ ] 7. Images in the article are hosted on Star Army's wiki and sourced responsibly (contact Wes privately if there's a concern)
[ ✔️ ] 8. The article is original and doesn't contain copy-pasted content from other articles.
[ ✔️ ] 9. The article complies with Star Army's rules in terms of damage ratings, speed limits, etc.
[ ✔️ ] 10. The Faction Manager(s), if applicable, have posted approval for this article in this thread.


Here's some fixes this article still needs:

1. Please add a brief descriptor in italics underneath the headings of the following subsections: Discharge Information, Nomenclature Information, Weapon Mechanisms, Pricing, Replaceable Parts and Components, Optional Attachments, and Ammunition. The statement can be as simple as, "The following section lists the discharge information for the Sonic-Flare Sidearm".
2. Please make the phrase, "after each shot energy must be taken from the core once again." its own sentence.
3. Please change the bolded word (to) to "for" in the sentence copied below.


"This improved model was designed to act as a self-defence weapon or combat sidearm to Horizon security and anyone else who purchased one."
4. The phrasing in the sentence copied below feels awkward. I would suggest changing "This would" to "The weapon was intended to", "as well as" to "by", and "civilian consumption" to "security personnel".


"This would benefit their security forces as well as offering a compact and effective weapon for civilian consumption."
5. Please change "It's" to "Its" and "giving" to "give" in the sentence copied below.


"It's bulky size and included off-hand grip giving the impression of a powerful and lethal weapon."
6. Please make the phrase, "however can cause lingering nausea or headaches." into its own sentence.


"It will not cause any bodily harm and acts primarily as a stun weapon however can cause lingering nausea or headaches."
7. Please credit the artist (banzz) somewhere on the page.
8. In the "Firing Modes" subsection under the Weapon Mechanisms section, I'm not quite sure if adding "Safety" as a firing mode is appropriate for that particular category, especially since the "Safety Mechanism" section is right below it.
9. I do think the article needs to be proof read a few more times to fix awkward phrasing issues. I don't see anything particularly egregious, but the article could read better.


I have a slight hunch to ask you to remove the damage rating on the article, simply because I believe a sonic weapon could be effective against personnel and power armor as long as the target did not have sound dampening systems. I'm not sure how well DRv3 deals with weapons of this class, if at all. For the time being, I'll hold off on asking you to do anything with the damage rating while I consult with Fred on that matter. With that said, I believe the weapon could use a decent buff to the ROF, but it isn't mandatory for approval by any means. Also, correct me if I'm wrong, but the submission faction is listed as "Neshaten" in your header when I think it should be "Galactic Horizon".
 
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4. This sentence exists within context, since it's the first sidearm it is a benefit to security and civilians, i can make the first change but its meant to also convey its usefulness for civis too

8. The template asks for both, so I usually just use safety = no fire in the modes then describe the safety mechanism in the next section, I’ll change if needed

As for damage I’ve always just assigned semi lower dr values to my sonic weapons, and its listed as neshaten because horizon isn’t a faction and isn’t on the list

Hopefully that explains a couple of my reasons behind part of it, let me know how you’d like me to proceed on the mentioned points and I’ll do the others soon
 
4. How about changing "This would" to "The weapon was intended to", "as well as" to "while also", and "civilian consumption" to "civilian purchase"?

"This would benefit their security forces as well as offering a compact and effective weapon for civilian consumption."
8. I think I understand your intentions on that point, but I would like to see the the Safety mode and the Semi-automatic modes marked with more clarity. I would suggest something similar to what I copied and edited below.

"Safety (The weapon cannot charge or fire), Semi-Automatic (The weapon will fire 1 charge per 4 seconds maximum)"

I'm currently talking to Fred about the DR, and I'll get back to you on that as soon as possible. As I said before, I believe that the weapon could be effective against personnel and power armor targets (up to Tier 5), but I'm not sure if DRv3 really conveys that effectively.
 
All sounds good to me, I'll post again when I've made changes, as for dr i totally agree with you about it affecting anyone without explicitly stated ear protectors I've just always had to give it a low one because everything must have dr and obviously sound is super weak despite its capacity to liquify internal organs IRL
 
I've gone through and made all the requested changes, i also did a bit of rewriting in a couple sections to try and help it read better though personally nothing stood out as difficult to read.

Also just wanted to check, you have also looked at the Micro Core linked in Sub-Articles right? I didn't see anything mentioned about it in your initial review and just wondered.
 
Thank you for making the requested changes. The article reads much better already.

I have looked at the Micro Core sub-article, and I did not see any changes that I wanted to be made.

One more thing: Since the weapon does not deal damage and only applies negative status effects, I would like for the DR rating/purpose to be removed. Fred told me that DRv3 is meant to convey how much a given piece of equipment damages a target, so this pistol wouldn't fall under its umbrella.

Once you've made that change, I will bring out the checklist and move into the final steps for approval.
 
No worries, shall i make a footnote somewhere that although it doesnt have a rating, in extreme short ranges and prolonged use on a single target it can actually injure them?
EDIT: DR removed
 
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Sure, go ahead and do that. After you make that change, I'll move the article into its permanent namespace.

Hello! Let's see if this submission meets the requirements for inclusion in Star Army's lore...

[ ✔️ ] 1. The destination URL should be a page in the appropriate namespace and titled lower_case_with_underscores
[ ✔️ ] 2. The article is in the appropriate format and article template
[ ✔️ ] 3. The article follows our wiki style guidelines, including: No forced line breaks, text after each section header, etc.
[ ✔️ ] 4. The article is easily read and free of errors in spelling and grammar
[ ✔️ ] 5. Links to other wiki articles are present as appropriate
[ ✔️ ] 6. The article fits into the Star Army universe's space opera theme and technology levels
[ ✔️ ] 7. Images in the article are hosted on Star Army's wiki and sourced responsibly (contact Wes privately if there's a concern)
[ ✔️ ] 8. The article is original and doesn't contain copy-pasted content from other articles.
[ ✔️ ] 9. The article complies with Star Army's rules in terms of damage ratings, speed limits, etc.
[ ✔️ ] 10. The Faction Manager(s), if applicable, have posted approval for this article in this thread.

Status: Approved
 
I added a short line where the DR rating typically would be that basically just says "doesnt normally do damage unless very close and many use" but better written of course
 
Thanks again for submitting an article to the wiki! Time for some final steps for the reviewer...

[ ✔️ ] 1. State clearly that the article is approved in the submission thread
[ ✔️ ] 2. Move the wiki article to its permanent (destination) location on the wiki
[ ✔️ ] 3. Move the submission thread to the Approved Submissions subforum or get a moderator to
[ ✔️ ] 4. Edit the article to add a link to the approval thread in the OOC Notes section
[ ✔️ ] 5. Link other articles to the approved article as appropriate (equipment lists, etc.)
 
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