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Approved Submission [Independent] Galactic Horizon

club24

Everything Is Magical
FM of Neshaten
Game Master
Submission Type: corp
Template Used: business template
Submission WIP URL: https://stararmy.com/wiki/doku.php?id=wip:corp:galactic_horizon
Submission Destination URL: https://stararmy.com/wiki/doku.php?id=corp:galactic_horizon

Faction: Independent, based on 188604
FM Approved Yet? No @Jack Pine @Zack
Faction requires art? No?

For Reviewers:
Contains Unapproved Sub-Articles? Yes, one NPC and one AI system
Contains New art? yes, the company logo
Previously Submitted? No

Notes: Jack has approved the S6 involvement in discord but tagged him for official approval, im aware this isn't the standard type of business but I am planning on building it slowly so bear with me guys, the AI and the corp kind of go hand in hand and are both the reason for the other
 

Wes

Founder & Admin
Staff Member
FM of Yamatai
STO Fleet Member
What nation's laws does this company operate under?
 

club24

Everything Is Magical
FM of Neshaten
Game Master
What nation's laws does this company operate under?
It will be operating under the laws of the nation its HQ is based in so the ones that govern 188604, where should I specify it?
 

club24

Everything Is Magical
FM of Neshaten
Game Master
I've made some additions to the history at the suggestion of @Zack including a reason for the founding group of people to move to 188604
also tagging @Wes just to make sure its ok and for the law question
 

Arbitrated

The Smollest Smol
FM of Elysia
Mmmmmkkkkkay here I go...

This is a corporation and really it passes almost everything on the checklist - the only thing it doesn't really have is the grammar check. A lot of sentences could be enhanced with the use of a comma, as they tend to run on a bit too long without one. (One tip my english teachers gave years ago was that if you were to say a sentence out loud, if you had to take a breath in the middle of it you probably should have a comma near where the breath was. It's not a perfect solution but it'll probably help ^^)

One question I have is... where in the Section 6 territory are they? There isn't much indication on their page as to where their territory is... It would be preferred if you chose a planet instead, or a space station or city. That would help make the location more distinct and overall consistent.




There's enough problems with grammar in here that I'm going to set this to be a PENDING review; if you would like me to go further in depth with what needs fixing, please contact me! ^^
 

Jack Pine

Staff Member
FM of NDC
Game Master
Section 6 is located 20mi directly west of Osman, with the S6 facilities and neighborhood take up a 8mi round area. The horizon building would be one mile past this continuing west or due south and cover a three mile round area
 

Arbitrated

The Smollest Smol
FM of Elysia
The grammar and formatting's all good!


Before I approve it though, I noticed the sentence about them relying on corporate giants to produce their prototypes and the like. Perhaps with the permission of some people you could link specific exampls? Such as Ketsurui Fleet Yards or Iemochi Innovations and Sales?



I don't find that specific detail to be a critical one, and it is not enough on its own to prevent me from APPROVING the use of Galactic Horizon! After all, it's not like they would be mass producing these prototypes from the company-otherwise, it probablt isn't a prototype : P
 

club24

Everything Is Magical
FM of Neshaten
Game Master
feels strange revisiting this thread after a few months, so sorry all for the extra notification but just wanted to have the record state that I have made some updates to the page such as reorganizing the products a few times, as well as making a dedicated history section I plan to add to with rp currently in the works, also added a finance section which is fairly basic for now.

I'll admit this post was prompted from some recent drama and issues involving unapproved changes and such, so just putting it out there in case 've done anything wrong in doing so ^^
 

club24

Everything Is Magical
FM of Neshaten
Game Master
TLDR Version:
Horizon will now have:
- A Macro/Micro engineering building
- A scenario/simulation building for testing gear
- more space for personnel and equipment

this is in preperation for the plot and future developments and doesnt change much beyond the wiki article and what kind of stuff they can build themselves without needing to ask someone else.



Next major update to the corp is happening here and now, I have not yet changed it on the sheet but as long as no one objects I'll be adding a couple extra buildings to the Horizon complex as it currently consists of about 2 or 3, the new ones will be focused on allowing them to build bigger stuff, but also some micro engineering stuff, as well as a big ol indoor situation simulation chamber to stress test and run special programs on their gear.

If need be I can have this RP'd however it would be something the business is bound to do sooner or later and I prefer saving RP for special cases in my current status.

With the addition of these extra buildings, not much will change to existing relationships or deals with other groups and i wont be pumping out starfleets in two days, they dont even have a starship design to their name yet its simply to provide the sense of constant growth for the time being. And to help with a couple plans i have involving the plot and business later but more on that later.
 

Ametheliana

Staff Member
Submissions Reviewer
FM of Nepleslia
Game Master
If Galactic Horizon wants space to do stuff on any of Akemi's stations, let me know!
 

club24

Everything Is Magical
FM of Neshaten
Game Master
@Ametheliana thanks for the kind gesture, I'll probs talk to you in DM's in the next couple days and if I remember I'll bring it up, @Ethereal for now if IIS likes they can get involved in the Expedition plot which is launching in JULY but you may need to ask Zack about it as from memory USO doesn't like them very much, idk.

either way RP with the corp development is halting for a time as I reconsidered some of the old plans and realised it was going too fast so im focusing on the expedition plot for now as the main source of rp showing of the corp, and if IIS cant get involved you're welcome to bring a character just jump on the interest check thread and make it known as I rely on that more than my memory or DM's
 

Ametheliana

Staff Member
Submissions Reviewer
FM of Nepleslia
Game Master
Do what makes sense to you. I get a lot of satisfaction from running plots and participating in RP, too. I understand your motives to slow your roll with wiki work and continuing what makes sense for you.
 

club24

Everything Is Magical
FM of Neshaten
Game Master
Updates have been completed, it'd be good if someone could cast a quick eye over it to make sure I'm not stepping too out of line with the expansion of the corp, and i have a finance section at the bottom which i'm using to roughly track the major costs and income of the corp which i'm trying to keep up to date, however things like wages are excluded as I am runnin on the assumption that their small income from small unlisted purchases would cover this
 

club24

Everything Is Magical
FM of Neshaten
Game Master
Once again, sorry to anyone still getting pinged here who it doesn't really affect, but the next chapter of Galactic Horizon is in the process of starting now, as some people know I'm shifting the company to live in Neshaten space. This decision is both an OOC and IC one with reasoning for both I am happy to discuss if needed.

Essentially what I will be adding to the page before my next update here is mostly history sections stating its move and some modifications to the HQ location however it will likely just build on to what is there and leave the old text as the reference for where it used to be.

@Kyle if you'd like to weigh in here too feel free

The shift will have some rp behind it as well which i plan to get started before the weekend including discussions between Horizon and the Neshies which will help me more solidly explain their new situation. They will have much the same capacity and function in their new home and won't be turning into a megapower overnight.
 

club24

Everything Is Magical
FM of Neshaten
Game Master
Alrighty the corp page has now undergone a massive update, for the purpose of being concise I shall give a quick breakdown here:

Added a second paragraph to the first text block below the title and also adjusted some tense discrepancies

Added an established section to the basic info table and changed faction form independent to Neshaten

Retitled the HQ text as Original HQ and added a second part to the HQ area titled New HQ

Added the biomedical research section to the facilities list

Added fabrication team and research teams to the structure list

Added a line of text before each table of products

Added another paragraph to history section giving brief description to the shift of factions

So yeah, that's my list of everything that was changed aside from a couple of small things which was just general updating of formatting, as of this moment Galactic Horizon is now located within the Kingdom of Neshaten, a small JP between the two groups is currently in progress although IC has technically already happened but it will contain details of discussion between the two entities which ends with Horizon moving to their territory. Other rp surrounding this transition includes a sync thread between horizon and neshaten as well as a sync thread between horizon and s6 asking to borrow a ship to facilitate their immigration.
 
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