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Jaeger Heavy Infantry Armor and Equipment

Abwehran Commander

Abwehran Commander

Inactive Member
Submission Type: Plot Important Equipment
Submission URL: Jaeger Heavy Infantry Armor

Faction: Abwehran Armed Forces
FM Approved Yet? It's FM designed, so it might as well have approval.

For Reviewers:
Contains Unapproved Sub-Articles? Yes
Previously Submitted? Yes/No

Sub-articles for approval:

Notes:
This took probably a year or so to complete and it's been keeping my plot on hold. Therefore I may make mention of it in my plot before it's approved. However, I will not use it until approval.

I would also like to thank Ryujin for doing the Powered Armor art and Arieg for the art on the Flechette Cannon.
 
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Can you go through it and fix all the sentence fragments? Wiki article prose should be in complete sentences.

Also, please do a search and remove the contraction "it's" entirely from the article (use "it is" or the possessive "its").

Running/Loping:60 kph (37.28 mph)
Click to expand...
"Loping?"

The computer system article is very tiny and lacks detail.

The command and control module doesn't say what it's actually for (should it link to the Jager?).

The Radio article has an empty section under the title header where the overview paragraph should be.

Negative Feedback should not be capitalized.

If possible, list the DR of each weapon next to its link.

The above list is not comprehensive and does not constitute a full review.
 
Wes said:
Can you go through it and fix all the sentence fragments? Wiki article prose should be in complete sentences.

Also, please do a search and remove the contraction "it's" entirely from the article (use "it is" or the possessive "its").
Click to expand...

I have literally checked every single article listed for what you're looking for using Word and only found two instances of sentence fragments (one due to a typo).

Also, are we seriously getting picky over the usage of a contraction (which I could only find one instance in the entire article).

Pardon if this sounds aggressive, but I just spent almost an hour pouring over each article for something that seems trivial (in my opinion), since English uses contractions for a reason and this is not a professional article.

Wes said:
Running/Loping:60 kph (37.28 mph)
Click to expand...
"Loping?"
Click to expand...

Loping = Run or move with a long bounding stride: "the dog was loping along by his side".


Wes said:
The computer system article is very tiny and lacks detail.
Click to expand...

It's tiny because it's a concise and accurate article that's only there to reduce copy pasta. I've read it a couple of times (not counting the multiple times I read it when I created it) and it isn't lacking any data. The CU-23 is essentially a slightly more futuristic version of computers today. Not much can be said other than that.

Wes said:
The command and control module doesn't say what it's actually for (should it link to the Jager?).
Click to expand...

Done.

Wes said:
The Radio article has an empty section under the title header where the overview paragraph should be.
Click to expand...

Done.

Wes said:
Negative Feedback should not be capitalized.
Click to expand...

I capitalized it to emphasize, but I have edited it now.

Wes said:
If possible, list the DR of each weapon next to its link.
Click to expand...

I normally don't do that because most of my weapon designs have multiple damage types due to modes and or ammunition. Also, I'm of the firm opinion that people can just click upon the links to find out. We're trying to reduce copy-pasta after all.

However, I have done as you ask.
 
Approved:

D001 Combat Shield
M-24 Vibroblade
FIC-01 Flechette Cannon
LIR-01 Laser Rifle

The gauss rifle and MDR-08 lack a DR so they can't be approved.

Laser designator should have a more specific title header ( "Laser Designator" could be for any faction) and the page should give information about who uses it, and who makes it and the year it was first produced.
 
All subarticles approved except for the Aerial Recon Drone, since there is an empty "inside" section.
 
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