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Approved Submission Ke-M2-W4300 Aether Whip

hyralt

hyralt

Well-Known Member
Submission URL
https://stararmy.com/wiki/doku.php?id=stararmy:weapons:ke-m2-w4300_aether_whip
Submission Faction(s)
  1. Yamatai (except Elysia)
Submission Terms
  1. I agree
Have you ever thought to yourself “I really want to cut that thing with an aether blade, but it's just too far away?” Not any more! Sacrificing some of the damage of an aether blade to gain a modicum of range, the Ke-M2-W4300 Aether Whip is an excellent tool for those who wish to inflict melee damage without being within arm's reach.

 

Attachments

  • aether_whip_small.png
    aether_whip_small.png
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I'll switch things up a bit on this one.

FM Approved for Yamatai. To NTSE mod for review :)
 
I've been reminded to just move ahead, so...

  • The use of "I" and "you" are generally not permitted in articles. We should stick to the third person, past tense.
1610855025108.png

  • I think it is reasonable to ask for the weight of this weapon to be included, in kilograms.
  • In the dimensions and measurements, the dimensions should be displayed in the metric system, and if Imperial is included in brackets. (Yours is reversed)
  • Some minor grammar issues, a lot of it's that should be its, and so on. (I recommend Grammarly if you're unsure.
  • There should be in the stat list a section for Production: (Prototype, Limited, Mass Production)

Please fix up these few things and I will post the checklist.

Suggestion - If you can, follow this weapon up with a cultural/civilian article to help enrich a faction!
 
Andrew said:
I've been reminded to just move ahead, so...

  • The use of "I" and "you" are generally not permitted in articles. We should stick to the third person, past tense.
View attachment 16916
Click to expand...

I wrote this to sound like ad copy instead of a dry encyclopedia. Is there somewhere in the article where I'm allowed to put something that's fun to read?

Andrew said:
  • I think it is reasonable to ask for the weight of this weapon to be included, in kilograms.
Click to expand...

Done. I used https://www.ryerson.com/resource/weightcalculator to estimate the weight if it were made of carbon alloy steel, and assume that Zesuaium weighs roughly the same.

Andrew said:
  • In the dimensions and measurements, the dimensions should be displayed in the metric system, and if Imperial is included in brackets. (Yours is reversed)
Click to expand...

Done.

Andrew said:
  • Some minor grammar issues, a lot of it's that should be its, and so on. (I recommend Grammarly if you're unsure.
Click to expand...

I have installed Grammarly at your suggestion. It says I'm missing some articles (and I disagree), but that's it. Do I need to sign up for premium?

In particular, I use it's in these places and they can be rewritten using "it is," which is what "it's" is short for:
  • Essentially, it's an aether-coated chain with a handle at one end and an edge at the other.
    • Essentially, it is an aether-coated chain with a handle at one end and an edge at the other.
  • I really want to cut that thing with an aether blade, but it's just too far away?
    • I really want to cut that thing with an aether blade, but it is just too far away?
  • Simply put, it's a 24 foot (approximately 7.5 meter) Zesuaium chain attached to a 1 foot (approximately 30 centimeter) Zesuaiumhandle.
    • Simply put, it is a 24 foot (approximately 7.5 meter) Zesuaium chain attached to a 1 foot (approximately 30 centimeter) Zesuaium handle.

Andrew said:
  • There should be in the stat list a section for Production: (Prototype, Limited, Mass Production)

Please fix up these few things and I will post the checklist.

Suggestion - If you can, follow this weapon up with a cultural/civilian article to help enrich a faction!
Click to expand...

I don't have any plans for another weapon, so I strongly suspect my next article will be cultural.
 
In terms of the fun element, you could put a Quote from a character or tester in using a quote block.
 
Hello! Let's see if this submission meets the requirements for inclusion in Star Army's lore...

[ ✅ ] 1. The destination URL should be a page in the appropriate namespace and titled lower_case_with_underscores
[ ✅ ] 2. The article is in the appropriate format and article template
[ ✅ ] 3. The article follows our wiki-style guidelines, including No forced line breaks, text after each section header, etc.
[ ✅ ] 4. The article is easily read and free of errors in spelling and grammar
[ ✅ ] 5. Links to other wiki articles are present as appropriate and are not broken
[ ✅ ] 6. The article fits into the Star Army universe's space opera theme and technology levels
[ ✅ ] 7. Images in the article are hosted on Star Army's wiki and credited in the OOC section
[ ✅ ] 8. The article is original and doesn't contain copy-pasted content from other articles.
[ ✅ ] 9. The article complies with Star Army's rules in terms of damage ratings, speed limits, etc.
[ ✅ ] 10. The Faction Manager(s), if applicable, have posted approval for this article in this thread.

Approved
 
Please ensure this gets listed on the correct pages.
 
Last edited:
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