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Rejected Submission Liquid Soldier

Zack

Zack

Inactive Member
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This unofficial review is for: Liquid Soldier

The submitted article is/has…
[ YES? ] A very high level of overall quality
[ YES ] A general topic sentence under the title header
[ YES ] Artwork (Required for new species; Strongly recommended for vehicles and hand weapons)
[ YES? ] Needed and/or useful to the setting
[ NO ] In the proper format/template
  • The article should be formatted to match the Power Armor Template, as it grants the same amount of protection as one.
  • The article's URL should be liquid_soldier in order to comply with this section of the Style Guide.
[ NO ] Proofread for spelling and grammar
  • It can take up a variety of basic shapes, as well as create a blobby humanoid form or envelop an exsisting form such as a pressure suit'd individual.
    • It can take up a variety of basic shapes, as well as create a blobby humanoid form or envelop an exsisting form such as a pressure suited individual.
[ YES ] Easy to read and understand (not a lengthy mass of technobabble)
[ NO ] Wikified (terms that could be a link should be a link)
  • There should be a link to the article about Yarvex.
[ YES ] No red and/or broken links
[ YES ] Reasonably scientifically plausible
[ YES ] Reasonably neutral point of view

The submitted article is/does not…
[ YES ] Overpowered (or cutting tech for a faction with little or no roleplay)
  • See the Notes section.
[ NO ] Obtusely redundant
[ NO ] Contain copy pasta descriptions of systems or interior compartments
[ PENDING ] Unauthorized by faction managers and/or player-controlled corporations
[ NO ] Contain references to IC events that have not occurred (SM must authorize retcons)
[ NO ] Use second-person language (“you” or “your”) unless it is an instructional guide aimed at players.
[ NO ] Use bombastic language (“virtually immune,” “nearly indestructible,” “insanely powerful,” “horrible effects”)
[ NO ] Use an unbalanced header/text ratio (many headers but sections are one-liners)
[ NO ] Use major unapproved sub-articles that should be submitted separately
[ NO ] Lacking Detail
[ NO ] Images hosted on sites other than stararmy.com (Photobucket, Imageshack, etc are not allowed)

The article has…
[ N/A ] Speeds in compliance with the Starship Speed Standard, if applicable
[ PENDING ] Damage Capacity and Damage Ratings in compliance with the DR Guidelines
  • See the Notes section.
[ YES ] The in-character year of creation/manufacture. (Should be current year. Future years not allowed).
[ N/A ] The Standard Product Nomenclature System, if applicable.

Notes

A "power armor" that can:

...is in my opinion extremely overpowered, @Zack. Additionally, where are the OOC Notes for this article?
 
This review is for: Liquid Soldier

The submitted article is/has…
[ Ish] A very high level of overall quality
[ Y] A general topic sentence under the title header
[ Y] Artwork (Required for new species; Strongly recommended for vehicles and hand weapons)\\
[ Useful] Needed and/or useful to the setting
[ N/A] In the proper format/template
[ N] Proofread for spelling and grammar
[ Mostly] Easy to read and understand (not a lengthy mass of technobabble)
[ Y] Wikified (terms that could be a link should be a link)
[ Y] No red and/or broken links
[ Y] Reasonably scientifically plausible
[ Y] Reasonably neutral point of view

The submitted article is/does not…
[ N] Overpowered (or cutting tech for a faction with little or no roleplay)
[ N] Obtusely redundant
[ N] Contain copy pasta descriptions of systems or interior compartments
[ Y] Unauthorized by faction managers or player-controlled corporation ( @Primitive Polygon )
[ N] Contain references to IC events that have not occurred (SM must authorize retcons)
[ N] Use second-person language (“you” or “your”) unless it is an instructional guide aimed at players.
[ N] Use bombastic language (“virtually immune,” “nearly indestructible,” “insanely powerful,” “horrible effects”)
[ N] Use an unbalanced header/text ratio (many headers but sections are one-liners)
[ N] Use major unapproved sub-articles that should be submitted separately
[ Ish] Lacking Detail
[ N] Images hosted on sites other than stararmy.com (Photobucket, Imageshack, etc are not allowed)

The article has…
[ N/A] Speeds in compliance with the Starship Speed Standard, if applicable
[ Y] Damage Capacity and Damage Ratings in compliance with the DR Guidelines
[ Y] The in-character year of creation/manufacture. (Should be current year. Future years not allowed).
[ N] The Standard Product Nomenclature System, if applicable.


Summary
Please add a nomenclature.

Is the damage rating for all forms of Liquid Soldier ("worn", fully independent, et cetera) or are there differences?

At a point, I recall being told that "stacking" shields to create a more effective shield was not allowed. I do not know if the same general rule applies to armor, so I would like assistance from other reviewers and staff on this particular issue, please ( @CadetNewb @Ametheliana @Wes @META_mahn ). The section about the Liquid Soldier's damage rating implies the capability to stack armor values.

Status: Pending

Notes
It is a little bit confusing in terms of operation - is the Liquid Soldier supposed to be "worn" on top of a suit, like the picture says, or is it intended to stay as its own entity?

I cleaned up some grammatical and spelling errors sprinkled throughout the article, as well as set a link for the Mindy and Yarvex pages.

I intend to finish this review by: December 31, 2017
 
Added a nomenclature.

I imagine that having a lot more liquid-soldier would make a more effective barrier against damage, but this article isn't getting into that. The DR listed is just for the standard human-sized mass of liquid soldier.

I also don't think the stacking rule applies to armor, since there are various riot shields and other add-on armor systems already in place in the setting.

In terms of operation: its an amorphous blob of armor. It can be worn, or it can move around on its own.

In terms of spelling, thanks for the once over.
 
Super tired and probably still a bit too merry whilst writing this, but in the name of getting to it ASAP...

First things first; I'm not sure about using the older art as a basis, but I can give you something newer to work with given a few days.

Second thing; The 'molecular edge' thing was indeed mentioned in the original Liquid Ally article, or at least something similar. It did indeed refer to tool-like applications and relatively slow-acting uses like a blow torch or heated blade, not something that is easily weaponized like a beam sabre knock-off. I would say it was acceptable if that was still the actual limits of it.
A remote device, or by embedding a physical connection into the material itself.
Click to expand...
It would nice if this description was tightened up to something like "can be controlled by a communicator/datapad or even directly linked to a user through mindware or nekovalkyrja SPINE interfaces". Just so it's easier for random new players to pick up.
However additional liquid soldiers can be combined to create thicker and more effective protection.
Click to expand...
Since it's such an insubstantial, mercurial type of material, I can see other people's concerns; But it's not an impossible fix. Perhaps you could simply add some optional levels of application?

The overall 'standard' weight could be 75kg, and at Tier 3 armour only. This is nice and comfy in 1G and perfectly supports itself. A good addition to a standard space suit.

100 kg and Tier 4 armour, and it's now quite heavy and tiresome in 1G, hazardous to wear for any longer than two hours. In space it's a little stuffy and not that well ventilated, hard to do fine-detail work in. This is equal to Mindy armour but not as mobile.

125kg is Tier 5 and super absorbent to damage, but practically impossible to wear in 1G due to the weight and ventilation problems it causes, and not really that much better in space. Where it shines is as an extremely efficient hazmat suit, however, due to it's spacer origins. This allows for multiple hours work in highly radioactive, acidic or infectious environments should the operator have a direct-line connection to an air source.

The suit retains it's energy reflective properties even if transparent, because the polyps can specifically choose which wavelengths they are absorbing through choice of colour. You're better off going fully opaque black if uncertain, but somewhere in between is always an option.
 
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I like a lot of PP's suggestions, especially the basis of mass and protection being linked, as well as adding to what could control the Liquid Soldier. Can you please add these, Zack?

Frost did point out several things, but personally I will only ask you about two since they are things I missed and deem worthy of requesting of you:

Please add an "OOC Notes" section for the article, it will need this for the approval information.

Additionally, I did not initially realize that Yarvex was property of specifically the YSE, thus we require Faction Manager permission from both @Primitive Polygon as well as @Wes for the use of Liquid Ally and Yarvex, respectively.


Please add the information about the deployment you described in your post onto the wiki page, while you are editing it.
 
I should have added in , that while I want to make a goo-girl style creature, the Liquid Ally is basically exactly what I'm looking for. The only problem is the size and that it isn't useful against power armor level attacks.

I am using PP's language for the remote control section of the article.

I also just removed the bit about changing protection levels if you have more liquid soldier. Obviously less armor is worse protection and more armor is better protection. Rather than going into the details I think its easier to just leave this unsaid and treat liquid soldier as Tier 5 all the time always. Considering how super-thin power armor protection is by comparison I think the thick layer of Liquid Soldier is easily Tier 5, where the ultra thin Mindy is Tier 4 and the super heavy armor is more Tier 6. Of course I kinda like the idea of a Tier-6 monster blob wrecking stuff, it might be best to save that for a different submission.

An OOC notes section was added to the article.

Also, Wazu came up with Yarvex. I don't think I need Wes' permission to use it here.
 
Seeing as Yarvex is at least a restricted technology according to the wiki, I'm officially not going to have the Wire Guided produce this. Even if Wazu did technically invent it originally. It's just not within their modus operandi for vulnerable production lines, or drawing unnecessary heat from the Yammies.

As for goo girls, yeah, that kind of stuff probably would be supported (and even got that concept art you seen a while back), but I mostly haven't developed it because my players seem super confused about what makes a Spacer as things are. No probs with you continuing to develop it through. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
 
Would it be better to change it to some offbrand super-material? Could easily remove the word yarvex and put in a line about generic high strength additives.
 
So far, everything except for the Faction Manager approvals by PP for the Liquid Ally/producers and also Wes for the usage of Yarvex seems to be in order.
 
Oh, well, Zack can still totally use the Liquid Ally without any permission from me. It was developed expressly with USO help on their planet... Pretty sure it's all in a contract somewhere.

I just don't know how Wes/Yamatai would react to Spacers trying to smelt Yarvex. So it kinda seems like something the WG's leaders would butt out of producing for themselves, unless they had some kind of plausible deniability.
 
We still need permission from @Wes for the use of Yarvex in this article before it can be approved. Either that or his denial of the use of Yarvex, wherein it will have to be removed from the article to allow approval.
 
Zack, that's not the first time you make the argument. The mod seems to strongly believe Wes needs to be involved. The mod, being a mod, ought to have final say on the matter.

Let's not be circuitous. Either you're agreeable for Wes to provide input (and put to bed whether your argument is valid or not), or circumvent by using another exotic material.

That's up to you. Just stop with the tug-of-war already.
 
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Thank you, Fred.



This submission's approval is overdue; @Zack I am giving you 28 hours (Noon Eastern Standard Time/12:00 UTC -5) to either receive Faction Manager permission from @Wes to use the material Yarvex in your submission, or choose a replacement material for it. If neither of these requests are satisfied, the submission will be rejected at the assigned time.
 
In the submission, it's not clear where the Yarvex would actually come from.

Here's Yamataian law:

No person or organization is allowed to use restricted military or corporate technologies or enter restricted military areas without authorization. Restricted Military Areas include, but are not limited to: Military States (Such as Melanchol, Geshrintall) and Newly-discovered planets and systems on the YSE's borders. Restricted Technologies include, but are not limited to: Nekovalkyrja, HSCS, TDD, RDD, WARMS and like devices, Aether Weaponry, Transposition Cannons, Scalar Weapons, ST/SS Tech, Technology involved in the creation of Zesuaium, Yarvex, Xiulurium, Interdictor Devices.
Click to expand...
 
I'm just posting this for clarity sake for future discussions.

Generally speaking, it doesn't matter -who- made a technology when it is a proprietary tech, but rather what faction it belongs to. the FM rules state that the FM is allowed to control the decimination of their technology on a faction level. So if you want to take their tech outside the faction you have to ask the FM, granted most FMs will let you use it if you can come up with a good IC excuse for having it. That however is at their benevolence and they're not obligated to allow it, nor does a player's rights protect something they created for a faction. Personal creations that are produced at a personal level are a different story that is handled case by case when significant technology is involved.
 
As the article in question is attempting to use a faction's restricted technology without Faction manager approval, this submission is hereby REJECTED
 
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