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Approved Submission [Lorath] Project Checkout

Ametheliana

Head in the Stars
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I don't see why the E-series series are included in this.
 
I thought I had gotten rid of those, I'm so SO sorry v.v

Fixed

About the E-series: Because that was approved by you in the FM forums and is what appeared in RP.
 
*hires a million mining workers*
Well I know what my next venture is xD

In all seriousness, very interesting.
 
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I was actually also under the impression that the E-Series systems weren't supposed to become zesu chunkoids, too, but then I read the posts describing what changed and they've always been included.

On one hand, it'd be cool to have those systems still be more than SOLID IMPENETRABLE CHUNKS OF MATTER that are incredibly hard to do anything with. But on the other hand, the E systems were pretty barren and useless to begin with so is there really a downside to making them the definition of priceless? They were already bad for players to visit, now they're the same but valuable to Yamatai.

Either way, I don't think it really matters much as long as we make the most IC sense out of this situation, which is pretty silly in the first place.
 
Currently, this article looks like it has too much technobabble when it should instead focus on the intent/goals of the project, the personnel involved, and the eventual outcome. Even then though, I have to question the usefulness of the suggested outcome.

We've minimized the presence of Zesuaium for years, limiting its use to the most key things and having it be present in a way as to be a very valuable resource. I'm worried that having all these systems converted to it undoes a lot of the work done in the setting to not have Zesuaium be used everywhere. We could, instead, have any number of other outcomes that won't impact the setting in such a negative way, and even potentially leave these areas open for good RP; the major problem with these systems to begin with was that there just wasn't much done with them to flesh them out I think. This would ensure that they stay that way, which I think is a bad thing.
 
To your first paragraph:
I trimmed tons of technobabble so please give me exact instances of this cropping up to an overdone extent. I have lots of info on personnel and intent I can add but I would like your thoughts on what should be cut before I go editing it again.

To your second paragraph:
That would be going directly against the creators' wishes and what Wes himself has approved, but thank you for your suggestion. I will be sticking with what the article already has in it in accordance with the change to Zesu that was outlined a trio, if not more, of places.
 
The problem here is that since Osaka was the one to write it, technobabble is present throughout the article in large amounts. Meanwhile, the parts that don't focus on the technological aspects and don't have technobabble are written in Osaka's distinct grammatical style. It's very unconventional, and those not used to it can end up with headaches. In other words, the article needs to be rewritten from the bottom up in simple layman's terms.

As for the Zesuaium effect, it may be the creator's wish as well as approved, but I don't think that bars some healthy discussion and dialog. More importantly, I'd rather not follow blindly or agree blindly simply because a ruling was made. As far as I can tell, this doesn't actually help the setting of SARP, and undoes years of progress made in preventing Zesuaium overuse. I'd like to hear @Wes thoughts on this of course, since he's sure to have some insight we may not have caught.
 
*hires a million mining workers*
Well I know what my next venture is xD

In all seriousness, very interesting.
I hadn't seen this post when I made mine, but it seems like a GM/player saying that these planets becoming zesu motivates them to do something in RP. That's definitely more than can be said for these systems at any point since they've existed.

Maybe someone will start the Great Zesu Gold Rush of YE40 (which doesn't have to impact the IC availability of zesu whatsoever). Boundless possibilities.
 
Though it may seem like a good idea on the surface, its benefits are not very deep. If this scenario is fully approved, then these systems will have that singular feature about them, and little else. There won't be RP regarding colonization, wildlife or the like for an example. I honestly feel that just because Doc didn't do anything with them, doesn't mean that someone else can't do better. Worse still, it would be very inconsistent of the setting if there was a "Zesu Rush", and no extra Zesu on market due to the maintaining of our OOC policy of keeping Zesu use limited.

That's why I'm hoping Wes has a good answer, because right now, I can't see how this benefits the site overall.
 
I am planning on taking the Ninth Fleet to E-13 with Kaiyo next week. RP will happen as it will become a new host to Yamataian starbases exploring what happened. If you read the full article you'll find it's basically Pompei. It would make for SUCH a cool exploration plot I'm planning for the next year.

Furthermore, the Zesu created out of any existing mass can be strictly regulated by Yamatai or, by extension, Ninth Fleet.

Some people like Osaka's writing. In this format, gutted is what it is, I really like Osaka's writing.

Osaka's writing is like a whole fish out of the water and someone hands you that with no context.

I sometimes like that, it's happened to me before and you know what I did- I gutted that fish and it was digestible.

Let me continue the metaphor, if I may.

This article is a fish mounted on a wall after being taxidermied. So, I will not do a top down edit as it already has five hours of edits just to gut it, taxidermy it, mount it on the wall for you to tell me that this fish is the wrong fish.
 
I've had to work with Osaka for years, so I don't think we'll agree. For me and others, Osaka has always been infamous for this, and NTSE mods would simply avoid Osaka's articles for that reason. However, since you mentioned my own work? I would rather you tell me when you are dissatisfied with something I put on the table so we can work things out. If being completely taken apart and put back together again is what it takes to make an article palatable, then that's what it takes.

EDIT: I believe this article is unpalatable, but considering the scope of this, I think Wes has final say.
 
Thanks for making your opinions clear, Cadet. I don't really worry about this working out for the best and no matter what Wes says, that's what I'll go with.
 
If you want to kill some Leighbabble, start with the "effects" section. Just say they left and they way they did it left us with Zesu planets, if that's what's OK.

I'd also take out phrases like "type-1 gravitational centrifuge" and "baryon decay" that don't link to anything. They aren't useful terms to a player.

How about links? Maesus, MOTHER, Sourcian, etc. None of that is linked, even with RP entries. Even Beta Rhoi. No one can backtrack this stuff without wiki links.

This dependency forced MOTHER to scout 12 specialized persons; to create a secondary logistical body which could perform unethical research in secret and begin forming the technological grounds for large-scale TTD transfer through the manipulation of international macroeconomics and political interference.
This whole graf screams to be linked. Not just with a single link at the bottom, but in-linking with the text.

The intro graf needs tooling too. It isn't written very straight, but like Leigh would.

Just say what happened in the simplest language possible. "The Lorath left the SARP universe in this year. The methodology left behind these Zesu planets, a one-way wormhole and an important, but unvisitable station."

I can imagine what this article was like before you started in on it. I remember Leigh's raw copy. But Cadette is right. This reads very densely. Don't let your readers puzzle things out. Make it plain.
 
Stuff that exists on the wiki should definitely be linked, and heck yeah linking RP (it's basically just the Herald thread and one or two others tbh), but does this thing really need to bother with creating sub-articles for secondary components if they're not already wikified? It's RP history detailing a departed GM's faction/plot, not a tech submission.
 
If you feel the need to send people in there to mine this, I don't think you understand the risks. Even the utterly desperate would find no success in this field even with the use of unmanned equipment. The moment you try to extract mass from this kind of equation is the moment it decides to keep mass from somewhere else (that's you, the ship you sent in and any rescue efforts).

Even entering such an electrically charged environment half as hostile as this required an entire ship class designed from technology that had been obsolete for decades or hundreds of years (we're talking NASA/Interstellar esque here, with no advanced fields or high speed travel systems or space folding technology whatsoever and a very simple nuclear reactor) so the intense gravitational shifts and electrical discharges don't literally vaporize you with arcs of plasma that take hours to lash out at targets yet seemingly reach them instantaneously because of the shifting compression ratios of space-time. Even shutting down these systems on a modern ship wouldn't really work because the equipment used according to realworld physics given the massive amounts of energy we're talking about take years to power down entropically to a state where they would be considered safe. You'd basically have to remove them or have a ship that can detatch from those elements and leave them behind just to enter.

Even a short journey into this space is going to age someone hundreds of years and the idea that they'd escape if they tried to bring anything back with them is frankly laughable. That being said, if you wanted to put a secret installation somewhere with close to total isolation from the rest of the setting where unspeakable things happen, you have the added advantage of being able to do a century of work in the space of just one, assuming you can manage resources and feed yourselves sustainably without the use of super advanced field technologies that when activated would fry you to a crisp.

It is a hellish navigation hazard. If you're going to use it for a jump-off point for a story, the horror genre is the best I can suggest. Given that the conditions are ideal for the creation of self-sustaining patterns of space and time and that space and time move very quickly here, I honestly wouldn't be surprised if you came across a new form of life formed here that is made of space and time itself or if one from other folds of potentiality, possibility across different Einsteinian worldlines chose to visit because this posed such an interesting resource to them.

Pretty baffling that space should be considered frightening again, isn't it? Especially such a large amount of it with so many hungry greedy mouths eyeing it up politically within the story of this setting.

I don't play here anymore, but I do still read the stories. Some of them are pretty engrossing. Some of them aren't. Same as any publication really.

The intention originally with this big scary mess was to leave a jumping off point for horror stories. I had such a fun time writing one with Luca that I thought it would be good to leave behind something that is frightening, unconquerable and seductive so there is always a motivation from a writing standpoint.

Its so open-ended that literally any kind of unimaginable horror can exist here and no amount of incredible weaponary or technology will ever be able to conquer it. I found that really humbling and emotionally engrossing.

The capability for "things to go wrong" and be totally incomprehensible is the very backbone of horror and tension in a story in a space-setting, and its always been the one thing I missed here prior to leaving.

Anyway, that's my authorial intent so none of you go English Literature teacher trying to figure out why this thing existed or why all of us who departed agreed together that this was the best goodbye gift we could give you -- one which inspires storytelling of a kind seldom seen here. I put two months into the blood sweat and tears of the math that actually made this work so please appreciate the elegance of it as one of the harder science fictions element in the setting.

I hope you enjoy it and put it to good use for what it was made for instead of seeing it as a cake to be sliced up and served to hungry nations who already don't know what to do with themselves except to bicker at the dinner-table about who gets what.

I think I was here for about 12 years before I went my separate ways, but for what its worth when it was good it was great even though when it was bad, it was bad for all the wrong reasons. I can't really say if it was a good time or a bad time, only that it was a time and this was where I spent it.

Take care of eachother and remember that the fun you have comes before all else because everything else is dickwaving and meaningless. Whatever brings you joy or happiness, thats what you should pursue. Remember at the end of the day that its just a game and that any politics or egos don't make you happy, they just help you forget how sad you are. Put the energy you'd spend into arguing into being constructive and be good to eachother.

I wish you a Merry Christmas and a happy new year and wish you all well.

PS: As for the way my raw work is, its very fitting that I'm now a game-developer, not just someone who writes the rules of settings. A huge part of why my work was in such a raw form was because to soften it as you'd like it, I'd three articles for every one thing I wanted to submit and the NTSE was a huge bottleneck for my style of writing. You want to know every single kind of potential use of a thing based on its raw attributes -- there's very little room to say why something exists or what its for from a roleplay perspective, only an in-universe perspective -- so when you ask an engineering question insetting, I can only give you an engineering answer.

If you find someone's work is hard to understand, begin by asking what they want it to be used for. When someone overloads you with information, they're giving you bread-crumbs and clues as to a deeper purpose for the thing in question where they don't want it to be used in a way it was not intended to be used. Again, engineering questions result in engineering answers. Start asking authorial questions and you'll find these problems disappear almost instantly.

Good storytelling begins by saying what something isn't and by working within constraints. Walls aren't a cage: they're a room. Tools aren't limiting: They're set-pieces to tell your story. If an option is incredibly difficult or close to impossible, maybe its meant to be for the purpose of creating an atmosphere or a feeling.
 
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I think Osaka said it well.

I rescind what I said about being stoked to explore it ono but Osaka I didn't really expect it to be fun, easy, or even that near the system. We'll talk more on my plans for over there if you feel like it ^-^

Now I think it's up to Mr. @Wes
 
I'm here for the meme insane profitability of the literal Zesu mountains. I'll probably run a few JPs surrounding getting claims to mine whatever IIS can get, maybe put some comms out for miners etc.
 
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