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Approved Submission Mining Guild

Charaa

Staff Member
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Goodness, I made a lot of pages. But here’s my first try at a business, also for the Mobile Refinery page, keep going down, the picture is a bit big and thus it makes it look like there’s nothing there. The Probes and the Mineral scanner I have as Systems because I plan on using them for my next ship for my character Nyx. I have it set to NDC since thats where they were somewhat,
 
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If they operate in ndc space then ndc is the correct faction as they are held to the laws of the territory.

as for all the pages usually I’d say make the business first then tech after approval but its not illegal, though it might take a long time with all these sub articlesfair warning.
 
I apologize for double posting, but I want to make sure its not forgotten about which is a small fear of mine.
 
Jack's been out sick for a few days. Hopefully he's better soon, but I assume it will be a few more days before he's up to reviewing content.
 
This is a lot of sub-articles for one submission. Are you sure everything is necessary? Can some things be merged?
 
I am pretty sure everything is, and i don't think so, at least I'd prefer they not be merged. after the first three, the rest are tech, which in GH are separated. the first three i thought were important to the corp in their own way. I apologize if my previous message was rude. :( @Ametheliana
 
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Since I was asked in discord...

Each piece of equipment/starship/vehicle/refinery/station needs its own submission thread.

Personnel, ranks and occupations, purchases should go in the main article.
 
I sent you a message on discord.

The original cashflow page was deleted and its contents were moved to the main page, as for the rest, which included the equipment page, that was moved to a Company Operations page, based on what Jack had mentioned in a message, also I wasn’t sure where to put the other things.
Unfortunately, I can’t edit my original post, but I will go with the ships and the Armor and it’s component parts on a separate thread.
 
Alright, I worked with Charaa to make sure everything is in order in OP. I'll be doing some fun stuff today but will set a reminder to review the articles in this thread for tomorrow.
 
Corp page: Link important aspects in the first paragraph. YE created, link NDC when you mention it, and so on.

Later on, link Nyx Pine, mineral scanner, anything that can be linked- link it.

Metallic, uncle, gems, government, mines, and so on don't need to be capitalized in the middle of a sentence. Please hunt these down and don't capitalize random words unless they are proper nouns or start of sentences.

Uncle's needs to be "uncle's" not "uncles" if it is denoting ownership.

The sentence: "Their encounter with Nyx Pine filled an important need namely the backing of the royal family, or at least one of them." Should be: "Their encounter with Nyx Pine filled an important need, namely the backing of the royal family, or at least one of them." Even then the last comma could be a hyphen but that is not as necessary of a change as having that comma between need and namely.

This needs to be rephrased for comprehension: "The locations in the New Dusk conclave has the name as part of it there..."

"...from Refugees as they had been to expats alike..." You can be an expat, not go to it. Please change the wording of this sentence. Also who are they expatriates of?

The phrasing of this sentence is confusing. If you cut it into smaller sentences with punctuation then I think it would make more sense: " They also made an agreement, that if they found a deposit that measured up to a typical home, they could individually keep it, but anything bigger than that was for The New Dusk Conclave to use as they wished, and they had to make sure that they were finding deposits for the New Dusk Conclave."

Get rid of the logo section if you're not going to use it. Red links, no matter the reason, should not be in submitted articles.

“From dusk we'll dig, for inside every world, is the sun of a new dawn.” Should be: "“From dusk we'll dig, for inside every world is the sun of a new dawn.”

I hope the additional pages section gets more links in it, namely the ones up for review. Currently it only links one of the sub-articles that got moved out of this review. Do not have sub-articles that are not up for review in this thread linked in an article that is up for review. Add them once they are approved.

Can you link Obsidian City?

When you do link something instead of saying: "...the ones in-charge are listed in the link below Mining Operations." say "the ones in-charge are listed among Mining Operations." The link isn't usually (it is when you've used bullet points, tho) below like it is in most cases outside of the wiki but should be a part of the prose.

This: "Some of the information about the gemstones sold was found here Gemstones, unfortunately no sites found could detail the cost to sell refined Metal or the ore" Should be an OOC Note/a footnote. It would be best as a footnote. To make it that, enclose it in double parentheses. "((Some of the information about the gemstones sold was found here Gemstones, unfortunately no sites found could detail the cost to sell refined Metal or the ore.))"

On your Selling subsection, there needs to be text or prose after the header and before the table. That is true for every article and subsection within it. Items needs to be capitalized. Please do not use real USD. Convert them to KS, use your best judgement. There is a thread where Wes adds insight to some items and could be helpful to this from a few years ago.

You say: "Currently, the Partners are below The Mining Guild has come to the Department Of Engineering (D.O.E.) for their..." To make the part of this that starts with "The Mining Guild..." below the former part, select the sentence and then click the bullet points part of the toolbar on the wiki editor. It looks like three dots with lines next to them. Same with the part about Black Wing Enterprises.

There needs to text or prose after the header "Buying" between that and the table. Item again needs to be capitalized.

Include in OOC how to ICly contact the mining guild to buy or sell.

Sorry this is a lot, but I think there are some parts of making and submitting a wiki article that you have yet to learn. Here is the style guide for help there. I am happy to help you get on the right track for the future, though! Because it amounted to a bit, I am going to hold off on the sub-articles until the edits are made to the main one. Thanks for working with me so much on this. It's a really cool addition and I thank you for your contribution to SARP :] Also I will throw a checklist down but it makes more sense for me to do so if a lot of wording and changes will occur.
 
Alright, so I made some of the requested edits, though my eyes aren’t as good as yours is, so I might have missed one, but none that I can see need correcting as far as I know.

As for additional pages, in the Company Operations is the Rank listing and Personnel listing. I do have an Equipment page which has listed the articles set for approval, I’ll be adding the page once everything is approved.

This is the page for the equipment


As for the Obsidian City question, unfortunately, I can’t link it, since Jack or the Co-FMs have not yet made the page yet, but it is on Sirris Vi or should be there.
I have worked on the other edits you requested.
 
Mineral scanner:
Can you find a way to denote you are talking about the starship version within the prose of the work rather than having "starship version" below headings? Or perhaps within the heading it can denote that?

Link stuff like YE 41.

A planet can't be a manufacturer.

Minderal undersuit:
Remove "(IMAGE IF AVAILABLE)"

Stuff like "bathroom" and "undersuit" don't need to be capitalized in the middle of sentences.

In the context of nudity, "NDC weren’t like Yamatai" it would be present form "aren't" instead of "weren't".

Link NDC and Yamatai in the above statement, too.

Link the ANT and state this undersuit's intended role in tandem with the ANT more clearly in the intro paragraph.

"The Undersuit got issued with the power armor, and over time, the improvements were only in the comfort, a focus on comfort and usefulness over style was felt as needed." This whole sentence needs to be looked at again and reworked to be understandable.

"since its hidden" It is contracts with an apostrophe and ownership has no apostrophe. Hidden is an adjective and would have it is in front of it, so it needs to be a contraction with an apostrophe. link: its vs it's

"the item is worn as a means." Please capitalize the beginning of sentences.

Where is the pee stored? And how does it extract pee and poop if they are fully clothed? There's several mentions of bathroom capabilities but nothing technical about it. The Mindy 4 has a nice recycling system to give you a start on what can be done.

A "control part" is also mentioned but I have no idea how that functions. I need more info in the article about the tech behind its usage on this account and the above one.

Everything else:
I am seeing some of the same issues with the next few articles that I mentioned in my post about the guild's main page. Link stuff like YE 41, put text beneath headers and before charts, images, and bullet points. Go through and look at those pages I haven't technically reviewed and apply what you have learned from this review already to them. I promise I will be faster when reading them after you have updated them with all the info they need.

List prices consistently. Are you selling this in KS, DS, or DA? I think you list KS and DA on one page then only DS on another. Pick the bills it costs and stick to those. We have conversion tables for the readers for a reason.

:]
 
Morning Ame!

I spent the rest of the evening yesterday, and a little just now working on some edits, not only from what is up there but the others as well.
I apologize for my grammar issues, but I am grateful for your help in that regard.
 
That makes me happy to hear, really super truly! :] I will check it in its entirety tomorrow!
 
I went in to edit text/prose below headers to make this go faster in the last three articles and in the claws and torch ones noticed a problem I would like you to correct. Bolding is unnecessary when it can be replaced by bullet points.

On the probe: "price is a ball point between" I think you meant ball park.

Undersuit had some of the same random capitalization problems that I corrected. I also fixed up a sentence fragment and linked Geist for you. It's good, but I would like to know where the control implant goes in the body. Maybe the catheter and back end one can be optional, as well? Something that the used can opt into if they feel the urge or if it's going to be a long time? These things may seem a bit much but getting the player experience to a point where everyone knows what to expect and how to be comfortable is a goal of mine.

This review is for all articles and sub-articles within this submission thread.

Hello! Let's see if this submission meets the requirements for inclusion in Star Army's lore...

[ ❌] 1. The destination URL should be a page in the appropriate namespace and titled lower_case_with_underscores
[ ✅ ] 2. The article is in the appropriate format and article template
[ ❌ ] 3. The article follows our wiki style guidelines, including: No forced line breaks, text after each section header, etc.
[ ✅ ] 4. The article is easily read and free of errors in spelling and grammar
[ ✅ ] 5. Links to other wiki articles are present as appropriate and are not broken
[ ✅ ] 6. The article fits into the Star Army universe's space opera theme and technology levels
[ ✅ ] 7. Images in the article are hosted on Star Army's wiki and sourced responsibly (contact Wes privately if there's a concern)
[ ✅ ] 8. The article is original and doesn't contain copy-pasted content from other articles.
[ ✅ ] 9. The article complies with Star Army's rules in terms of damage ratings, speed limits, etc.
[ ❌ ] 10. The Faction Manager(s), if applicable, have posted approval for this article in this thread.

The sub-articles need to have those underscores where spaces would naturally be.

We need @Jack Pine approval.

:]
 
I love you, Ame, I am grateful for your help with the grammar issues.

For the first issue, I went in and changed them from bold to bullet points. I hope this looks much better now.

I changed Point to park, and I saw the same on my Mining Scanner Page.

I changed the corrections because admittedly I realized, the nervous system is all over the body, and I grew concerned that what I had written meant I had made it seem that all over the place there would be the control implants. I chose a simpler area as far as I knew, and I changed the Catheter bit as well.
 
Just remember what I said about URL :] EDIT: I didn't clarify: "The sub-articles need to have those underscores where spaces would naturally be." This is about the URLs of your sub-articles.

Congratulations on your first submission! Approved
 
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