Star Army

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Approved Character Motoyoshi Kazue

Andrew

SARP WikiGuru and Staff
Staff Member
Site Supporter
Submissions Reviewer
FM of Yamatai
Game Master
FM approved, Also approved in terms of her being Motoyoshi/connected to the 1XF

Leaving the rest up to character mods.

 

RaWolfe

Site Supporter
FM of Neshaten
Game Master
Character Forum Mod
Wooops I am the character mod, so can’t review my own work. @Ametheliana could you (when you got time) take a look?
 

Ametheliana

Sensei
Staff Member
Submissions Reviewer
FM of Nepleslia
FM of the Iromakuanhe
Game Master
Can you add a lot more history? A character with such a high rank should have the story to back it up.
 

Ametheliana

Sensei
Staff Member
Submissions Reviewer
FM of Nepleslia
FM of the Iromakuanhe
Game Master
Oh meant to edit the post but didn't:

"Assistant Chief Logistic" and "Chief Engineer" aren't wikified or canon occupations. I hope this helps when filling in the history.
 

RaWolfe

Site Supporter
FM of Neshaten
Game Master
Character Forum Mod
Oh meant to edit the post but didn't:

"Assistant Chief Logistic" and "Chief Engineer" aren't wikified or canon occupations. I hope this helps when filling in the history.
Assistent logistiek is true, thought chief engineer is really listed 😅56A51597-CEB9-4905-A414-52DAE53E17A5.png
 

RaWolfe

Site Supporter
FM of Neshaten
Game Master
Character Forum Mod
I added the history :) sparred with Andrew in regards to Motoyoshi clan timeline
 

Ametheliana

Sensei
Staff Member
Submissions Reviewer
FM of Nepleslia
FM of the Iromakuanhe
Game Master
Thank you for doing so much for this character!

Can you show me where Hanako's World was attacked in YE 40? That was YE 41 if I recall. Please change those dates if it was not 40.

"While she doesn't strictly follow the ways of Sensou and her career is mainly focused on a supportive role." Just be aware of complete sentences as this is not one. It was the only instance of an incomplete sentence that I saw, though. Complete sentences guide link: here.

Unless she iniitally comes off as traitorous, consider taking out "While it doesn't show at first..." and just have the full sentence be without it: "Kazue stands behind the ethics of the Motoyoshi Clan and believes that the Yamatai are the strongest and best of the galaxy."

"Kazue got the same appearance as her fellow Nekovalkyrja, Type 33. " This sentence seems weird. Neko are all unique, even in height and weight. Maybe saying this would be a truer statement:, "Kazue is similar in appearance to her fellow Type 33 Nekovalkyrja."

All in all, awesome job and sorry for nit picking.
 
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