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Approved Submission [Neshaten] Armour Suite EE00v4

SirSkully

FM of S6
Game Master
So I made a complete armour package thing for the Foxes, consisting of a shield, a vest and a helmet - they are all small articles and rather related so it makes sense to me they should be bundled together in a submission? correct me if I am wrong though.

@club24 reee
 

club24

Everything Is Magical
FM of Neshaten
Game Master
approved, although you can take the price off since it'll be mili only
 

Ametheliana

Sensei
Staff Member
Submissions Reviewer
FM of Nepleslia
FM of the Iromakuanhe
Game Master
Full permission to bug me about doing this today, Skully.
 

Ametheliana

Sensei
Staff Member
Submissions Reviewer
FM of Nepleslia
FM of the Iromakuanhe
Game Master
Hello! Let's see if this submission meets the requirements for inclusion in Star Army's lore...

[ ✔ ] 1. The destination URL should be a page in the appropriate namespace and titled lower_case_with_underscores
[ ✔ ] 2. The article is in the appropriate format and article template
[ ✔ ] 3. The article follows our wiki style guidelines, including: No forced line breaks, text after each section header, etc.
[ ✔ ] 4. The article is easily read and free of errors in spelling and grammar
[ ✔ ] 5. Links to other wiki articles are present as appropriate
[ ❌ ] 6. The article fits into the Star Army universe's space opera theme and technology levels
[ ✔ ] 7. Images in the article are hosted on Star Army's wiki and sourced responsibly (contact Wes privately if there's a concern)
[ ✔ ] 8. The article is original and doesn't contain copy-pasted content from other articles.
[ ❌ ] 9. The article complies with Star Army's rules in terms of damage ratings, speed limits, etc.
[ ✔ ] 10. The Faction Manager(s), if applicable, have posted approval for this article in this thread.

Here's some fixes this article still needs:

Remember American spelling of armor doesn't include a u and that linking Neshaten in the first intro paragraph is important. I did both these things for all of the articles already, but next time.

Overall these seem like they don't fit into the tech levels- they're far behind, honestly. Is there any way you can make the materials in the equipment fit the tier you are aiming for them to be?

I want to thank you a million times for not having anything formatting-wise that needed fixing, so thank you!!!!

Specifics for each are below.

For the shield:
I edited spelling and added a link.
Mention somewhere that the area over the camera is more susceptible to damage and why, but don't give a specific area a new tier, just have the whole thing be one tier.
The first sentence of design is convoluted. Maybe if you added "that" between input and is mounted, it would make more sense.
Seems OP for a hunk of metal at tier 4. Add some kind of shielding or knock it down a tier or two.

Helmet:
I edited spelling and added a link.
Looks good.

Armor:
Can you include what the vest with armor plating looks like in appearance?
Also seems OP as tier 3 for something that is presumably just another piece of metal. Speaking of, what kind of metal is this?

When these fixes are made, please post a reply here so I can re-check the article. Thank you x a million!!
 

SirSkully

FM of S6
Game Master
Lowered the shield to tier 3, removed second damage rating and added further explanation
I don't see any issues with " multi-spectrum optical sensor capable of low-light, infrared, ultra-violet and regular visual input is mounted where a viewscreen usually is " though

Added a bit more info to the appearance section of the vest, also the armoured plates are made of Neshy titanium over steel - so they're kinda tough and the brittle nature of the titanium helps slow down the projectiles before they hit the steel layer, fits the tier 3 rating afaik considering it is heavy metal plating.

I believe that is everything?
 

SirSkully

FM of S6
Game Master
Also I guess sorry for using the form of English I have used my entire life REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

In all seriousness though isn't it enough to just use the smelly American spelling in the title/link and be done with it there?
 

Ametheliana

Sensei
Staff Member
Submissions Reviewer
FM of Nepleslia
FM of the Iromakuanhe
Game Master
It's in the rules to write articles in American English.

Below is what is called a run-on sentence. Break the sentence below up with punctuation such as a period:
"The Mon’ten, as it is commonly called, is a 2-foot-tall stab of steel with a layer of Nasu'ase over the front – a multi-spectrum optical sensor capable of low-light, infrared, ultra-violet and regular visual input1) is mounted where a viewscreen usually is, behind ballistic-grade polymers and linked up to a sturdy screen on the backside of the shield."

Oh, I see the Nasu'ase link now. @club24 if you could update that page at some point, it'd be very appreciated as it's one small sentence and seems to be wholly unnecessary if it's just titanium.

Tier 2, medium anti-personnel, is where vests fall on DRv3 and where I think this should fall as it is now. Tier 3 is not where this falls in the least. The Golem falls there with its full kit, which has shielding. With its vest alone, the Golem falls in Tier 1. Readjust either the tier to 2 or add some shielding or tech to this to warrant tier 3.
 

club24

Everything Is Magical
FM of Neshaten
Game Master
i will speak to kyle about updating the page, perhaps you could work on updating the hemosynth page as well? not trying to make insulting digs here but Neshaten is not the only faction in need of some updating
 

SirSkully

FM of S6
Game Master
Seeing as you are referring to other submissions I guess i can too.

The Type 40 plate bearing vest I made a while ago uses durandium plating... which I only recently found out is just space aluminium and that falls into the Tier 3 range

So then they'd both be Tier 2? or would they both be tier 3?

Also I'll go fix up that sentence I guess.
 

Ametheliana

Sensei
Staff Member
Submissions Reviewer
FM of Nepleslia
FM of the Iromakuanhe
Game Master
The Golem is the example for Tier 3, that is why I spoke on it. Also, durandium uses "a significant quantity of synthetic carbon nanotubes" so there's that.

If you don't want to change the tier, you don't have to have this approved.
 

Jack Pine

Staff Member
FM of S6
Game Master
just popping in to say, carbon nanotubes actually aren't that sturdy, as armor is about stopping the kinetic force of the incoming round, or dampening/defusing the laser that hits you. In which case, does not actually excel at that.
 

Wes

Founder & Admin
Staff Member
FM of Yamatai
Game Master
STO Fleet Member
It's hard to visualize without a picture but am I reading that there's holes in the helmet where the ears are?
 

club24

Everything Is Magical
FM of Neshaten
Game Master
From when skully and i discussed it its not so much holes but raised segmets along the top where ears can be folded against the head without being squished by the helmet if that makes sense, unfortunately we don't have a huge art budget and a lot of stuff made for nesh and horizon alike goes without image unless it ends up being used a lot later on
 

SirSkully

FM of S6
Game Master
Yeah there's.... I guess you could say cavities for the ears to sit in? sorry if that's not super clear ^^;
 

Wes

Founder & Admin
Staff Member
FM of Yamatai
Game Master
STO Fleet Member
Okay. I guess the obvious followup is how much does it block their hearing that way?
 

club24

Everything Is Magical
FM of Neshaten
Game Master
I'm guessing the helmet is intended to have external mics to help with sound though it may not have been mentioned in the article
 
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