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Approved Character New Character: Darian Fulram

First off, welcome to the SARP!

I am a Nepleslian GM, as you are making a Nepleslian character in the SMoDIN, your character will be involved in one of the plots or plotships run by us. Our powers do not extend to approving Nepleslian characters in this forum though, but we have to look after our own, eh?

The SARP Wiki, while comprehensive, is sometimes difficult to navigate with outdated or incomplete pages. For the former, the NSS Melissa Keni is no longer running. This is the page for active plots. There are only two options available to a SMoDIN character though, the more action orientated NSS Acadia, or the social-based Cirrus Station.

Standard issue items for the SMoDIN can be found here. Nothing fancy, just copy and paste.

As for skills, This page contains the compulsary and boilerplate skills for each occupation of the force. As a 'Field Technician' you'll probably be a Marine with the 'Repair and Maintenance' skill. Copy the skill discriptions from this list wholesale or modify them to suit your character. Basic training counts as a formal education so you do start off with 7 skills, this leaves you with 2 spare skillslots for your character's interests, hobbies or strengths.

Your character aside, each player has to create his own player page on the wiki. Unfortunately for you though, there is already a David on the site and the link in your character's bio links to him. Perhaps you could throw in your last name to differentiate the pages or something?

Well, thats all I could do to help at this point. Make the necessary changes and a character reviewer will be around shortly.

If you need questions answered you can ask them here if it is related to your bio, posting it on the Q and A board or grabbing any one of the older dudes for a one on one. I'm on IRC half the time, but my inbox is always open.

See you around!
 
Issues makes it sound serious and intimidating :?

Well I think I made all the necessary adjustments. Thanks for your help and let me know what else I need to change and/or fix.
 
Sorry, I like being professional about my tasks. ^_^ No worries.

1) The spacing of the Occupation, Rank, and Current Placement in the table is messed up. Please center it by deleting certain spaces.

2) Please rename the title of your personal page to David_F, David F, or just Fenton (since that is your forum name).

3) A thin Nepleslian..? Well, it -is- possible, I suppose. *leers at Fian's and his own Nep charries* Just expect him to get some crap from his fellow marines for not being all muscle.

4) Did you mean "Fair complexion"?

5) Nepleslians don't use 'bionics'. They use cybernetics. *pokes a Nep GM to prove him right/wrong*


6) The Physical Description overall is fine, but... I bet you could do better. Try to get some more meat in there. I always try to encourage new players to aim high and use a lot of detail.

7) The History could use more detail. What was his child life like? Did he get along well with his parents? Was the union job his first and only job before the military? Etc, etc, etc.

8) Skills definitely need improvement... also use proper sentence structure, please. Leadership is not a recommended skill for new characters, by the way.

9) Spelling Errors I found (from top to bottom): defenceless - defenseless, afterall - after all, noticably - noticeably, Althought - Although, regreting - regretting, Orinthology - Ornithology(?), Maintenence - Maintenance, stratedy - strategy, recieved - received, invidual - individual, persuing - pursuing,

10) There were also a few minor grammatical errors here and there.

Overall: A fair character, he is. You need to slow down your typing to actually see what you -are- typing. There were that many spelling errors. Either that, or you just need to pay attention and/or use spellcheck more. Character approval pending.
 
1. Fixed
2. Fixed
3. Weight and height are both within the parameters listed in the character generation specifications. By thin-medium, I meant to say he was in between. 170 and 6' tall isn't exactly scrawny as it's about the norm for the height. (Darian would have no problem with such jibes and would probably play along)
4. Complected is a word
http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/complected
5. Will change to cybernetic.
6. Will add more detail but figured picture would help.
7. Player character generator stated it's okay to have a small history to begin since new characters will change a little as the player gets a feel for them... was waiting till I understood the game more before adding specifics.
8. Will work on skills. BTW never intended Darian to be a leader type; nor does he want to be. Just figured it fit with his background. Will remove if that makes you more comfortable.
9. I apologize but couldn't find spell check.
10. Will pay closer attention now I know people look for it.

Will probably get canned for this but I just need to say that I will not be doing this as a professional. I want to have fun and relax while engaging in good roleplay, and if improper wiki spacing, sentence structure and/or the occasional grammatical mistake distracts that much than the site probably wouldn't suit my style of play.

I don't mean to be defensive because I know you are just trying to help and to control the quality of the game, but it makes me wonder if I'm cut out for your standards if my second post raises 10 issues.

Regardless, thanks for your help and feedback
 
Trust me, I've seen worse. There have been some people that can't even form understandable sentences out there. X_X

Ah, I see. In the example given in that site, complected is used as an adjective with an adverb attachment. You were using it as a noun with an adjective attachment. Am I incorrect?

If Wes is okay with you having the Leadership skill, then it is fine.

Wiki spacing and sentence structure are what make quality roleplaying. It's not particularly bad if you don't have good English skills. Something to work on, I suppose. I'm sorry if I was a grammar/spelling Nazi, but it was nothing personal. ^^;; I use Mozilla Firefox. It has a built-in spellcheck feature. :mrgreen:
 
Google Chrome also has an auto-spellcheck feature and it doesn't have as massive as a memory footprint as Firefox. >.>


(The downside is that there are a couple of websites out there, like some banks for instance, that don't work correctly with Chrome yet because it's still so new.)
 
If Wes is okay with you having the Leadership skill, then it is fine.
Click to expand...
I'm cool with it.

Nepleslian GMs: I give you approval power for this character. Let's get this guy in the action as soon as possible.
 
No issues on my side.

Well Fenton, once you think your character is ready, speak to Moonman if he hasn't contacted you yet, he is the GM of Cirrus Station.
 
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