Spartan_cloned
Inactive Member
Still reading and viewing the whole concept of this in the wiki. This is huge, there's a whole "universe" in there. My character is Angela Hitomo. I'm still trying to grasp how to make a working url.
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Approved Character New Character, new player
- Thread starter Spartan_cloned
- Start date
Hi Spartan,
Well lets get a first review on your character.
Two typos in the Build and Skin section
curveous should be curvaceous
feminity should be femininity
Pre-RP
What can I say, there is nothing there, need to know a bit about her, what made her decide that she wants to you have her listed as a Yamataian, and that she is 19. What was she before she became a Yamataian? Why did she choose to become one, and what has she been doing for 19 years.
Onto Skills
Communications:
Angela is fully fluent in five languages, including English and Japanese.
First there is no English and Japanese, in the SARP the equivalent are Nepleslian and Yamataian. And what are the other three languages? You have to list them.
Fighting:
three times the gravity of Earth.
There is no Earth in the SARP.[/color] So rephrase to three G's.
Tech Ops:
As a SAINT warrant officer , the ability to operate technology quickly is a vital skill. She is an expert at utilising the ship;s computer for
She is not a warrant office, obviously left over from your first draft.
ship;s should be ship's
Overall its a very good try, please address the items above and then update this forum to continue the review process.
This character is still pending approval.
Well lets get a first review on your character.
Two typos in the Build and Skin section
curveous should be curvaceous
feminity should be femininity
Pre-RP
What can I say, there is nothing there, need to know a bit about her, what made her decide that she wants to you have her listed as a Yamataian, and that she is 19. What was she before she became a Yamataian? Why did she choose to become one, and what has she been doing for 19 years.
Onto Skills
Communications:
Angela is fully fluent in five languages, including English and Japanese.
First there is no English and Japanese, in the SARP the equivalent are Nepleslian and Yamataian. And what are the other three languages? You have to list them.
Fighting:
three times the gravity of Earth.
There is no Earth in the SARP.[/color] So rephrase to three G's.
Tech Ops:
As a SAINT warrant officer , the ability to operate technology quickly is a vital skill. She is an expert at utilising the ship;s computer for
She is not a warrant office, obviously left over from your first draft.
ship;s should be ship's
Overall its a very good try, please address the items above and then update this forum to continue the review process.
This character is still pending approval.
Spartan_cloned
Inactive Member
Thanks, I have corrected the typos and will be working on her history. In the process making sure not to change history or current events.
Spartan_cloned
Inactive Member
I have created a history for her, everything should be "spaceship shape". Hehe
Ok, we are getting really close, just two small things.
Yamataian's as species didn't exist in YE 13, nor did the Star Army of Yamatai.
Since you said she was born on Yamatai, she would most like have been a Geshrin, and changed later on to a Yamataian. Please put that in the history, and put some parent names for family.
Once these are addressed, you will be good to move on to the next stage.
This character is still pending approval
Yamataian's as species didn't exist in YE 13, nor did the Star Army of Yamatai.
Since you said she was born on Yamatai, she would most like have been a Geshrin, and changed later on to a Yamataian. Please put that in the history, and put some parent names for family.
Once these are addressed, you will be good to move on to the next stage.
This character is still pending approval
Spartan_cloned
Inactive Member
May I make her into a NH-29H?
NH-29H's are considered a rare body type, and are restricted
Since you have decided to have her be an NH-29, you need to update the top of the page to reflect that.
And Fighting and Physical are two different skills. I would recommend since she's young that you remove the "Leadership" and properly mark the physical skill.
This character is still pending approval.
Since you have decided to have her be an NH-29, you need to update the top of the page to reflect that.
And Fighting and Physical are two different skills. I would recommend since she's young that you remove the "Leadership" and properly mark the physical skill.
This character is still pending approval.
Spartan_cloned
Inactive Member
All changes have been made. I hope she is up to par.
Spartan_cloned
Inactive Member
My character has been changed, and I have confirmed that's a negative on the NH-29H.
Okay, you are all set to move to the next step.
You need to put in a request for orders at this forum:
SAoY REQUESTS FOR ORDERS
Welcome to the SARP, hope you enjoy it.
This character is approved for IC usage.
You need to put in a request for orders at this forum:
SAoY REQUESTS FOR ORDERS
Welcome to the SARP, hope you enjoy it.
This character is approved for IC usage.
