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Approved Submission New Dusk Conclave

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Probably best to put general information where it says "General information about the faction goes here." instead of leaving that text.

Same goes for other sections, like where it says: "Description of the links to subarticles that will be found below goes here."
 
A new and growing nation with a diverse culture, ever advancing technology, a well trained and equipped military, history behind their rise to existence, and a unitary aristocracy style of government to make sure everything runs smoothly. Founded in YE 40 by a organization known as Section 6 to escape to a place where a better society could be formed compared to the one they left.
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1. Nothing in this paragraph is a complete sentence. Could you rewrite it please?

2. Why are Nekovalkyrja listed as a member species? If there's like 1 or 2 should it really be listed?

3.
In suspected fowl play
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foul play, unless you're hinting at bird-related shenanigans!

4. How is a government that is so brand new managing to thrive so well? Where are they getting all these resources? I would expect a society that just fled from their original location would be arriving with only whatever they could carry and setting up a whole civilization takes time.

5.
But it was just not felt as genuine until the city was erected, it's day of completion marked with the unveiling of a monument to those who had perished in the exodus.
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Can we get this re-written with grammatically-correct way? (fix the its too).

6. Suggestion: I would like this page to explain the name of the faction on the page.

7. I'm confused why the name of this faction is changing but the logo is till an S-6 logo and not, say, a flag.
 
  1. fixed
  2. we have had several of the civilian models running about, so I felt listing them was necessary. I can add a note stating it is only the civilian models if that works?
  3. fixed
  4. They were new over 7-8 months ago giver er take. They deconstructed a decent portion of their fleet as building blocks to expedite the construction of their city. Raw materials are shipped in large quantity due to a deal and their relationship with the Monarchy of Dovania who has systems rich in raw materials. In exchange for modern training of their forces, access to ship blueprints, and military aid in minor operations. MoD in turn, supplies them with these resources in addition to giving military aid if needed. There is also a character named Foreman Queen, a freespacer warbot, who is running a mining operation supported by the government, to supplement what is mined by the government via industrial equipment bought from Galactic Horizon. These combined have provided a stable platform and pool of resources to build the beginnings of a economy on, as well as handle the supply needs of most of their production requirements.
  5. fixed
  6. I have added an explanation to the page, under the Government section.
  7. Because I don't currently have an updated faction emblem, or a flag to use currently. The current insignia is basically being used as place holder for now, as largely most of the equipment still bares the old one, most notably their ships.
@Wes
EDIT: I just read the CCG post sorry, I was under the impression that there was a version of the current neko types for those who left the service, simply had their enhancements disengaged/removed. If there is something else I should change that to, please let me know.
 
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@Wes @Ametheliana not meaning to bug, but have either of you officially accepted being the reviewer for this submission? I wasn't sure if this was the official review or not, as there has been no checklist posted. I was hoping to know and if there were any edits anyone noticed that were needed. I'm honestly a bit nervous as this is a major submission for me, and the first time I've done one of this type.
 
sorry for a triple post, but ametheliana suggested poking @Alex Hart or @Syaoran to review this as it has not been assigned one yet. Also I have edited my response for number 4 on Wes's list of edits and questions, into additional information under the culture section of the page to clarify that information in the article.
 
Okay I'll take this one on. This is just my eye test read over (not actually doing the grammar and spell check via program yet so it might find more later)
  • First paragraph; two typos in the last sentence should be named not names, and I'm not sure what 'haing' is supposed to be
  • Recruiting; this whole paragraph reads choppy, but especially the first two sentences. The content is good, but can you make it smoother?
  • In government, are you going to have a government page up for the NDC? If not then I'd like here to have a little more. Right now the article has the operating structure loosely defined, but it doesn't really tell us the ideals or goals of the government.
  • Culture; The first and second paragraphs, both of them cover jump to multiple topics, like the second starts talking about sociology , but then by the end is talking about their architecture only to jump to media at the end. I get that topics are linked so I know it's not just one topic per paragraph, but I can't really tell what the theme is. It might be possible I'm just missing it though, so if it's there just let me know and I'll see if there's a way to make it more clear.
 
I have received confirmation from Jack that Rascal is allowed to edit this article to allow it to comply with NTSE recommendations, so I will continue the review. And after looking it over I don't really see a reason why not to approve this article now that the issues have been fixed. I Went through and did some extended grammar checking, but I'm gonna give this an APPROVED

[ ✅ ] 1. The destination URL should be a page in the appropriate namespace and titled lower_case_with_underscores
[ ✅ ] 2. The article is in the appropriate format and article template
[ ✅ ] 3. The article follows our wiki style guidelines, including: No forced line breaks, text after each section header, etc.
[ ✅ ] 4. The article is easily read and free of errors in spelling and grammar
[ ✅ ] 5. Links to other wiki articles are present as appropriate
[ ✅ ] 6. The article fits into the Star Army universe's space opera theme and technology levels
[ ✅ ] 7. Images in the article are hosted on Star Army's wiki and sourced responsibly (contact Wes privately if there's a concern)
[ ✅ ] 8. The article is original and doesn't contain copy-pasted content from other articles.
[ ✅ ] 9. The article complies with Star Army's rules in terms of damage ratings, speed limits, etc.
[ ✅ ] 10. The Faction Manager(s), if applicable, have posted approval for this article in this thread.
 
Between September and October, the faction page's population jumped from 200,000 to 3 million+. Can you explain that @Jack Pine and in the future, put major changes into the approval thread as they happen to the wiki article?
 
Their migrating everywhere, not just to NDC. The end of the occupation has greatly accelerated the diaspora that began with the occupation. NDC helped out during the occupation, and the Separa'Shan remember that.
 
To make sure the FM of the Separa and Yamatai is down with this, @Wes- the migration for your approval.
 
What's up with the NDC start page? There's almost nothing on it! I added an automatic territory list.
 
RPG-D RPGfix
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