• If you were supposed to get an email from the forum but didn't (e.g. to verify your account for registration), email Wes at [email protected] or talk to me on Discord for help. Sometimes the server hits our limit of emails we can send per hour.
  • Get in our Discord chat! Discord.gg/stararmy
  • 📅 February and March 2024 are YE 46.2 in the RP.

Approved Character [NSS Sledge Mama] Edgardo Cortez

Well, first off, let's just establish right out the gate that he is WAY underweight. Forget being muscular, as you have him weighted right now, he's not even a healthy level of skinny. Second, the family is supposed to be a listing of the FAMILY, not just their races. They're people, treat them as such. The skills need a lot of work (none of them are anywhere up to the standards listed for Nepleslian marines), and some of them just flat out show that you didn't pay attention. Trade IS the Nepleslian language, for example, and what you call "Sniper Training" would be broken up as part of several other skills, it's not a skill in its own right. The history also needs a fair bit more detail. It sounds a bit more complex then a bullet point list, but that's how you've effectively presented it.

The submission, just in general, needs a bit more effort put into it. You've got one line where you should have 2-3, and you've got one paragraph where you should have twice that.

I'll leave this for @CadetNewb to look at, but as it stands right now, you should do a lot more with it.
 
Alright, thank you for the advise. I will try to follow through with it. The major reason why he would be underweight, is because I was trying to make a bit of a half-ID-SOL rather than a straight ID-SOL. Also, I did try to follow the guidelines for making a Nepleslian character, but I must of read it wrong, or I didn't understand it. Plus, in all honesty, I'm not very good at writing detailed descriptions of characters, or setting, or anything really. I am more of a to the point, no nonsense, bare bones kind of guy.
 
I would like to ask for your assistance in creating my character.
No problem! I'm here to help. I think what they want is for you to make sure your character has the skills found here. These are the stuff that all infantry marine dudes get trained in. If you integrate stuff from those into your character's skill areas, I think that will not only beef them up, but also put your character in a better position to be approved by Aendri.
 
Thank you, but a quick question. When making this character and describing his skills and history, since he is Nepleslian, should I go balls to the wall on the details, or keep it calm and collected.
 
Keep in mind, what I described is true of a NORMAL human, let alone someone who is part ID-SOL. A human who is 7' (we'll just go with Shaq at 7'1", 325 when he played) would EASILY hit 300 if they're in any kind of shape at all, let alone someone with the denser muscle/bone structure of an ID-SOL.

For the bullet point thing... it's just a matter of taking it and working varied sentence structure in. Every sentence shouldn't be a bullet point listing, some of them should be more detailed. If you've got the detail, go ahead and throw it in, we can help you winnow out the bits that don't need to be there.

If you need help, we're happy to help out, but you gotta be a bit more specific on what you need help with, we're not gonna just rewrite the whole thing for you. :p
 
Don't give up, Fearturkey!
 
I hate to say this, but I'm very short on time due to IRL. The core of your character is good enough to RP with for the time being,so what I'm going to do is allow you to go ahead and post. Catch up on what's happening in the current thread, and drop in as you see fit. We'll still continue working on the character here though. I'll post again once I've looked at him more thoroughly.
 
@FearTurkey

Ok, the character looks solid. The only things that are off would be a few minor grammar errors here and there, as well as wiki-format ones. You'll need to put in the proper amount of spaces between his age in order to get it to align properly. Meanwhile, with the list for his family, you'll need to put a \\ at the end of each point you want to start a new, separate line.
 
It's better to use a bulleted list than a forced line break. Just two spaces, asterisk, space, and whatever. Forced line breaks are really bad coding, you don't use them unless you have to.
 
@FearTurkey

Ok, I've gone ahead and looked over the character, and everything seems to be in order. I've also gone ahead and made a proper user page for you as well, so you may want to take a look at the changed link there on the wiki to make sure it's to your taste. I simply copy-pasted though, so keep that in mind. Otherwise, this is APPROVED!
 
RPG-D RPGfix
Back
Top