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Approved Character [Origin Industries] Sharlett Von Killian

I realise I'm not a Neshi official here although I have been doing a fair bit of work with kyle recently for numerous reasons, just one main thing in this has stood out to me which is part of her history,

I'm not totally sure what the go with neshies visiting other nations is but I believe they usually stay within their own space, i think the trade families may leave but we'd have to ask kyle as in the past, daur characters outside of neshaten have had very specific circumstances for leaving. You would also benefit from better explaining how she knows another language as Shukaren only know Tincen by default, of course if the whole situation with being in a trade family that did leave the home was acceptable then that could be used as a way to justify it.

In closing, please don't accept this as any sort of official stance I could be COMPLETELY wrong about all of it but from looking at the character this was just what came to mind is all, better to see what Kyle says as well ^^
 
You say "He had come along on a business trip..." But I think you meant she?

"Her life decided into a deep darkness. " Descended into darkness?

And you said something about how she "seen his face" which should be "saw" maybe?

I agree with clubbo. Maybe if he was on a political trip it might be different but then she wouldn't be allowed to just come. Let's see what Kyle says.
 
hmmm, now that I'm actually wide awake and not a zombie, reading the history does make me curious. The Nesh-nesh and Yammies have only been in communications for a few years now. However, business or political, either one is fine by me. :)

However, the grammar does need to be fixed up ;_;
 
I've spoken to Miko about her and will be working with him to get the small issues dealt with along with the grammar ^^
 
With a flick of my wrist and a flash of my badge, ima give this the official approval.

I rewrote a portion of the history myself which Miko liked the outcome of and it now is inline with the very recent developments between the nesh and the yamyams, I haven't had a chance to scour it for grammar but in its current state this character is fine for RP use... which i know she already has been doing
 
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