Star Army

Star ArmyⓇ is a landmark of forum roleplaying. Opened in 2002, Star Army is like an internet clubhouse for people who love roleplaying, art, and worldbuilding. Anyone 18 or older may join for free. New members are welcome! Use the "Register" button below.

Note: This is a play-by-post RPG site. If you're looking for the tabletop miniatures wargame "5150: Star Army" instead, see Two Hour Wargames.

  • It's 3月 YE 43 for May and June. IC months advance every 2 OOC months.

Approved Submission [Psychopomp] Lonite

This suggestion has been implemented. Votes are no longer accepted.

Andrew

SARP WikiGuru and Staff. Here to serve!
🌟 Site Supporter
Retired Staff
Hi there,

So from what I gather, Lonite is a synthetic organism.

When you state that it "eats" other materials and metals. I think it needs to be stated what in-universe materials it can metabolism and cannot. As I think that several higher-end alloys things like Yamatanium and Zesuanium wouldn't be able to be metabolized. Currently, the way you have this worded, makes it sound like this organism has the magical property to metabolize and take on the attributes of anything.

I'm concerned with the trend of these submissions I am seeing. They appear to be very overpowered for the independent market, and this one is borderline "limitless".
 

Ace

🎖️ Game Master
I should have specified basic metals (steel, tungsten and other raw ores) this was brought up earlier and I haven’t had the time to correct them yet.
 

Whisper

🎖️ Game Master
Retired Staff
This still feels uncomfortably open-ended in terms of what it can do. It mentions that it can combine different materials and use their strengths - is there some limit for that?

For ships, the DRv3 system has some general thoughts on 'armor categories' and their influence on Speed, etc. https://stararmy.com/wiki/doku.php?id=guide:damage_rating_v3#how_fast_can_i_go Do you have any thoughts on where this would end up on that scale?

It's hard for me to know how to approve this, and I think the same is probably true for Andrew, because it's not clear exactly what is being approved.

If your goal is, "Lonite can consume an existing metal, taking on its properties and complimenting them with the ability to slowly heal damage over time" then I think that is cool. If it's "Lonite can consume any number of different materials, turn into any material, known/unknown/not restricted/restricted, and make it self-repair" then I think that's too open-ended.

Any thoughts there?
 

Ace

🎖️ Game Master
My thought on this which is what I'm having trouble putting into writing is that Lonite can take on properties of a material like what your first bit was and that by adding in more during its formative process it can counteract the weaknesses of the consumed materials by having the strengths make up for one another at the cost of its stability and the time it takes for it to regenerate as it gets more and more complex.
 

Whisper

🎖️ Game Master
Retired Staff
I gotcha. I don't think you have any weird intentions here, but the description could easily lead to "by combining all of the materials in the setting and only taking the best qualities, Lonite is the ultimate material with no drawbacks except weight". There's nothing saying that can't happen.

As a reviewer, it's hard - if not impossible - for us to approve something that is so loosely defined. If it works with basic materials and makes them self-regenerate, then it's as strong as any of the existing basic materials that PP has access to - with a little extra strength from the repair capability.

When you can meld any number of materials, taking only their good parts, we lose the ability to understand what this will turn into in the future.

I think you've got good intentions, but someone in the future might pick this up and not have good intentions, so we have to think of how submissions will play out in the long term. Better defining Lonite's capabilities or building in some restrictions will help keep it in check while, hopefully, still meeting your original goals.
 

Ace

🎖️ Game Master
Alright then what if we set a limit to the number of materials it can absorb before it destroys itself from becoming too unstable. We could aslo maybe add some more specific weaknesses too it (Maybe it cant last long without oxygen or being fed for example.)
 

Whisper

🎖️ Game Master
Retired Staff
Those could work! @Andrew is the official reviewer on this one so I'll let him add his thoughts before telling you to go and make changes. Don't want to lead you astray and waste your time.
 

Andrew

SARP WikiGuru and Staff. Here to serve!
🌟 Site Supporter
Retired Staff
I still think this material holds a very open-ended and unlimited nature. In this sense, it is not very specific about what it can or can not absorb/metabolize. So I hold to my original statement that this material is almost "magical" in its properties and holds the potential to be overpowered by the setting.
 

Ace

🎖️ Game Master
I have changed the article to show that it can only absorb basic metals l, nothing that has been processed such as alloys, and take on their properties it can still break down other things for nutrients as it uses a chemical system to do so albeit at a much slower pace. If you would like as stated before I am free to expand on that limitation as I am new to creating articles so don’t have a full understanding of how everything should be balanced I creates Lonite because the concept was cool to me and seemed like it could offer some good role play moments if used so I endeavored to create it.
 

Andrew

SARP WikiGuru and Staff. Here to serve!
🌟 Site Supporter
Retired Staff
I'm again asking for this article to have clarifications:

1. What in-universe metals does genetically engineered life form metabolize? (Ferrous? Non-Ferrous? Heavy? etc) The result is an alloy of the two metals? What does the organism get out of this?
2. Its regenerative properties come from what? The matter is not just created from nothing.
3. What are the limits of the organism? Life Cycle?
4. The article itself doesn't say it cannot metabolize alloys, it says it cannot eat them "very well". That's not very definitive.

I think it's important to understand what you actually plan to do with this... cause obviously it is your intention to replace the top-tier metals/alloys on the silverback that you were told "no" to use.
 

Ace

🎖️ Game Master
Didn't see the latest post until just now. My bad didnt get the notification will make edits once I'm free finals end this week so i can get started after that.
 

Ace

🎖️ Game Master
@Wes I hear that you are in charge of submissions now correct me if I'm wrong. Could you take a look at the changes and let me know your thoughts whenever you can id be very thankful.
 

Wes

Founder & Admin
Staff Member
🌸 FM of Yamatai
🎖️ Game Master
🎨 Media Gallery
Hello! Let's see if this submission meets the requirements for inclusion in Star Army's lore...

[ ❌ ] 1. The destination URL should be a page in the appropriate namespace and titled lower_case_with_underscores
[ ❌ ] 2. The article is in the appropriate format and the article template.
[ ❌ ] 3. The article follows our wiki-style guidelines, including No forced line breaks, text after each section header, etc.
[ ✅ ] 4. The article is easily read and free of errors in spelling and grammar
[ ✅ ] 5. Links to other wiki articles are present as appropriate and are not broken
[ ✅ ] 6. The article fits into the Star Army universe's space opera theme and technology levels.
[ N/A ] 7. Images in the article are hosted on Star Army's wiki and credited in the OOC section.
[ ✅ ] 8. The article is original and doesn't contain copy-pasted content from other articles.
[ ✅ ] 9. The article complies with Star Army's rules in terms of damage ratings, speed limits, etc.
[ N/A ] 10. The Faction Manager(s), if applicable, have posted approval for this article in this thread.

Made spellings and grammar fixes myself.

Here are some fixes this article still needs:

1. Destination namespace change to materials:
2. Very tempted to classify this as a species but the species template doesn't seem to fit well. But what template is this using then?
3. "Silverback program" is mentioned but not explained or linked to. Same for "Artificial Body program."

When these fixes are made, please post a reply here so I can re-check the article. Thank you!
 

Ace

🎖️ Game Master
@Wes
I think I have everything that I know how to fix done
1. I don't know how to change the namespace for the destination as I can't seem to edit my posts.
2.I'm using a slightly modified component template as after asking around the NTSE team whisper said that component was probably the best bet.
3. Links have been added This is for another WIP article as well that I'm waiting for go-ahead on this before I finish off that one
 
Top