Jack Pine
Well-Known Member
- Submission Faction(s)
- Submission Terms
- I agree
This is one of four articles I'll be submitting today. Another gun, and the ammo articles for both.
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Approved Submission S6-KAS "Hailstorm"
- Thread starter Jack Pine
- Start date
Jack Pine
Well-Known Member
Buckshot @Alex Hart
Legix
Well-Known Member
Hello! Let's see if this submission meets the requirements for inclusion in Star Army's lore...
[
] 1. The destination URL should be a page in the appropriate namespace and titled lower_case_with_underscores
[ ] 2. The article is in the appropriate format and article template
[ ] 3. The article follows our wiki style guidelines, including: No forced line breaks, text after each section header, etc.
[
] 4. The article is easily read and free of errors in spelling and grammar
[ ] 5. Links to other wiki articles are present as appropriate
[ ] 6. The article fits into the Star Army universe's space opera theme and technology levels
[ ] 7. Images in the article are hosted on Star Army's wiki and sourced responsibly (contact Wes privately if there's a concern)
[ ] 8. The article is original and doesn't contain copy-pasted content from other articles.
[ ] 9. The article complies with Star Army's rules in terms of damage ratings, speed limits, etc.
[ ] 10. The Faction Manager(s), if applicable, have posted approval for this article in this thread.
There's missing punctuation that leaves a lot of these sentences running on; I recommend you go back and add at least some additional commas and periods to break up how it's written. There's also tensing issues with things like missing d's on the ends of words; it really is hard to read this at points at least on my end. Apart from that, the only other thing I spotted were odd sections where you forgot to capitalize? It's just a lot of small errors.
Add spaces between YE and 40, as well as between any numbers and use of currency counters (such as DA and KS). There was also one hyperlink with "mid-" included, which could be removed from the hyperlink.
Add comma's between numbers as they surpass the appropriate digits (1000 should be 1,000); this drastically helps ensure accuracy in understanding the value at a glance and will avoid any confusion from readers.
You already have the ammunition article linked; you don't need the table itself added to the page.
Now, all of this is fairly small; however, I do have to ask if there's a judgment on the status of it having tier line-crossing ammunition all within the same version. What I mean by this is that we (SARP) have had a trend moving away from weapons that went from a T3 to T5, specifically to avoid the weird line of "but isn't my infantry soldier able to use it when it's T3? Why not as a T5?). For this purpose, I'd like to specifically ask @Wes to drop in and read this; some weapons that have been passed recently get around this with different versions for these "line crosses" such as the Delsaurian Gutter-Rake selling a different version for its stronger ammunition.
I do not think you need to anticipate changing it now, but I simply wanted to get a more official statement on that matter. Message me when you've overhauled and resolved a lot of the reading issues, spelling errors, and grammatical structuring concerns.
[
] 1. The destination URL should be a page in the appropriate namespace and titled lower_case_with_underscores[
] 2. The article is in the appropriate format and article template[
] 3. The article follows our wiki style guidelines, including: No forced line breaks, text after each section header, etc.[
] 4. The article is easily read and free of errors in spelling and grammar[
] 5. Links to other wiki articles are present as appropriate[
] 6. The article fits into the Star Army universe's space opera theme and technology levels[
] 7. Images in the article are hosted on Star Army's wiki and sourced responsibly (contact Wes privately if there's a concern)[
] 8. The article is original and doesn't contain copy-pasted content from other articles.[
] 9. The article complies with Star Army's rules in terms of damage ratings, speed limits, etc.[
] 10. The Faction Manager(s), if applicable, have posted approval for this article in this thread.There's missing punctuation that leaves a lot of these sentences running on; I recommend you go back and add at least some additional commas and periods to break up how it's written. There's also tensing issues with things like missing d's on the ends of words; it really is hard to read this at points at least on my end. Apart from that, the only other thing I spotted were odd sections where you forgot to capitalize? It's just a lot of small errors.
Add spaces between YE and 40, as well as between any numbers and use of currency counters (such as DA and KS). There was also one hyperlink with "mid-" included, which could be removed from the hyperlink.
Add comma's between numbers as they surpass the appropriate digits (1000 should be 1,000); this drastically helps ensure accuracy in understanding the value at a glance and will avoid any confusion from readers.
You already have the ammunition article linked; you don't need the table itself added to the page.
------------------------------------------------
Now, all of this is fairly small; however, I do have to ask if there's a judgment on the status of it having tier line-crossing ammunition all within the same version. What I mean by this is that we (SARP) have had a trend moving away from weapons that went from a T3 to T5, specifically to avoid the weird line of "but isn't my infantry soldier able to use it when it's T3? Why not as a T5?). For this purpose, I'd like to specifically ask @Wes to drop in and read this; some weapons that have been passed recently get around this with different versions for these "line crosses" such as the Delsaurian Gutter-Rake selling a different version for its stronger ammunition.
I do not think you need to anticipate changing it now, but I simply wanted to get a more official statement on that matter. Message me when you've overhauled and resolved a lot of the reading issues, spelling errors, and grammatical structuring concerns.
Legix
Well-Known Member
Now that the ammo is approved;
[ ] 1. The destination URL should be a page in the appropriate namespace and titled lower_case_with_underscores
[ ] 2. The article is in the appropriate format and article template
[ ] 3. The article follows our wiki style guidelines, including: No forced line breaks, text after each section header, etc.
[ ] 4. The article is easily read and free of errors in spelling and grammar
[ ] 5. Links to other wiki articles are present as appropriate
[ ] 6. The article fits into the Star Army universe's space opera theme and technology levels
[ ] 7. Images in the article are hosted on Star Army's wiki and sourced responsibly (contact Wes privately if there's a concern)
[ ] 8. The article is original and doesn't contain copy-pasted content from other articles.
[ ] 9. The article complies with Star Army's rules in terms of damage ratings, speed limits, etc.
[ ] 10. The Faction Manager(s), if applicable, have posted approval for this article in this thread.
APPROVED
[ ] 1. State clearly that the article is approved in the submission thread
[ ] 2. Move the wiki article to its permanent (destination) location on the wiki
[ ] 3. Move the submission thread to the Approved Submissions subforum or get a moderator to
[ ] 4. Edit the article to add a link to the approval thread in the OOC Notes section
[ ] 5. Link other articles to the approved article as appropriate (equipment lists, etc.)
Edit: Make sure you edit it into any catalogs.
[
] 1. The destination URL should be a page in the appropriate namespace and titled lower_case_with_underscores[
] 2. The article is in the appropriate format and article template[
] 3. The article follows our wiki style guidelines, including: No forced line breaks, text after each section header, etc.[
] 4. The article is easily read and free of errors in spelling and grammar[
] 5. Links to other wiki articles are present as appropriate[
] 6. The article fits into the Star Army universe's space opera theme and technology levels[
] 7. Images in the article are hosted on Star Army's wiki and sourced responsibly (contact Wes privately if there's a concern)[
] 8. The article is original and doesn't contain copy-pasted content from other articles.[
] 9. The article complies with Star Army's rules in terms of damage ratings, speed limits, etc.[
] 10. The Faction Manager(s), if applicable, have posted approval for this article in this thread.APPROVED
[
] 1. State clearly that the article is approved in the submission thread[
] 2. Move the wiki article to its permanent (destination) location on the wiki[
] 3. Move the submission thread to the Approved Submissions subforum or get a moderator to[
] 4. Edit the article to add a link to the approval thread in the OOC Notes section[
] 5. Link other articles to the approved article as appropriate (equipment lists, etc.)Edit: Make sure you edit it into any catalogs.
