Approved Submission s6 Mass Accelerated Kinetic Ordinance or "MAKO" + ammo

Firebrand

Game Master
[ Y ] 1. The destination URL should be a page in the appropriate namespace and titled lower_case_with_underscores
[ Y ] 2. The article is in the appropriate format and article template
[ Y ] 3. The article follows our wiki style guidelines, including: No forced line breaks, text after each section header, etc.
[ N ] 4. The article is easily read and free of errors in spelling and grammar
[ Y ] 5. Links to other wiki articles are present as appropriate and are not broken
[ Y ] 6. The article fits into the Star Army universe's space opera theme and technology levels
[ N/A ] 7. Images in the article are hosted on Star Army's wiki and sourced responsibly (contact Wes privately if there's a concern)
[ Y ] 8. The article is original and doesn't contain copy-pasted content from other articles.
[ Y ] 9. The article complies with Star Army's rules in terms of damage ratings, speed limits, etc.
[ Y ] 10. The Faction Manager(s), if applicable, have posted approval for this article in this thread.

Here's some fixes this article still needs:

1. Again, Jack, there are numerous grammatical, Its-It's, and spelling issues. A few that stick out to me are:
The rear of the weapon is general hidden as it has to be mounted in a boxy like turret housing where the recoil system needs to be.
That should be "The rear of the weapon is generally hidden, as it has to be mounted in a box like turret housing where the recoil system needs to be."

The MAKO is manufactured by the Department Of Engineering (D.O.E.), and was designed in YE 41, for use by the NDC Armed Forces "Duskerian Legion" as a weapon mountable on their larger armored vehicles and tanks.
There probably shouldn't be a comma between YE 41 and 'for use', NDC Armed Forces needs to be in the possessive, so NDC Armed Forces'.

There are other such grammatical issues, mostly minor things that should be easy to find if you run the article through a word processor.

2. Why is the ammo damage quickchart there? If the MAKO does not use multiple types of rounds, then it shouldn't be there. Likewise for the ammo price quickchart.

3. The Projectile/Beam Appearance section should just say "Projectile Appearance".

4. I believe that the muzzle velocity of this is too high, at least for in atmosphere use. The stated velocity is fine for space, but may present problems in atmospheres.

5. I believe all vehicles and weapons require all units of measure to be in both imperial and metric- if you could add the metric units as well, that would be great.


When these fixes are made, please post a reply here so I can re-check the article. Thank you!
 

Firebrand

Game Master
After reviewing this a second time...

[ Y ] 1. The destination URL should be a page in the appropriate namespace and titled lower_case_with_underscores
[ Y ] 2. The article is in the appropriate format and article template
[ Y ] 3. The article follows our wiki style guidelines, including: No forced line breaks, text after each section header, etc.
[ Y ] 4. The article is easily read and free of errors in spelling and grammar
[ Y ] 5. Links to other wiki articles are present as appropriate and are not broken
[ Y ] 6. The article fits into the Star Army universe's space opera theme and technology levels
[ N/A ] 7. Images in the article are hosted on Star Army's wiki and sourced responsibly (contact Wes privately if there's a concern)
[ Y ] 8. The article is original and doesn't contain copy-pasted content from other articles.
[ Y ] 9. The article complies with Star Army's rules in terms of damage ratings, speed limits, etc.
[ Y ] 10. The Faction Manager(s), if applicable, have posted approval for this article in this thread.

I APPROVE this setting submissions
 
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