Soban
Convention Veteran
- RP Date
- YE 42ish
- RP Location
- YSS Artemis
OOC: These are short RP snippets from the Artemis Discord channel. They are at best semi cannon. I am not the only one who contributed here.
Dramatis Personae:
Sacre - Tsundre Snek
Klaus - Longsuffering peon
Maradia - Sad Separa'Borg
Gravity - Sacre's beloved girlfriend
Setsuya - Klaus's beloved girlfriend
Jericho - A meat wall that's more like a machine than a man.
Menelik - Annoying peon 37
Kiki - Overly enthusiastic engineer, banned from having coffee
Elenor - Ranger chick in charge
Bjorn - The only full robot
Niwa - Top boss
Makoto - Ninja with catlike tread
IC:
Jericho: Why are you staring at me with that knife?
Sacre: I think you know why.
Jericho: You're name is sacre isn't it?
Sacre: You can read, your highest achievement, I'm sure.
Jericho: F*^& you.
Menelik just kinda sighs and shakes his head.
Kikos: "You can't scare me"
Sacre: I don't remember it going that way, Kiki. I guess knowing some of my tricks might help.
---
Kikos: oh no
Kikos: menelik just
Kikos:
Kikos:
Jericho: Menelik NNNNNOOOOOOO, you've doomed us all!!!
Menelik: Menelik comes from a subculture where coffee is drunken and revered like tea is in asian cultures.
Sacre: Sighs I'll go get the tranquilizer gun.
Jericho: has shock rounds
Sacre: At least we don't have Gravity along for the ride.
Menelik: It's not like his family's company plans to open a division that grows super coffee.
Sacre: no free samples of your disgusting bean water, we have enough trouble with the regular stuff.
Menelik: Come on, I wouldn't push coffee on you people. Now, Tej and Tella, absolutely. I don't see how you drink that stuff made from rice.
Jericho: Sips a can of cola from his stash
Kiki:.....
Jericho: Sips a can of energy drink from stash.
Kiki: OwO
Sacre: You don't have to push coffee on a black hole
---
Sacre picks up cross stitch
[Cross stitch with seven knives and text "no spoons left, only knives']
---
Jericho: Anyone seen my LCK? wasn't in it's sheath when I was doing a gear check.
Sacre: I guess that makes you un-LCK-y
---
Maradia: I can touch Sacre because my arms are robotic, it's not actually a person touching her, it's a machine
---
Sacre:Deep Lore: Sacre is what amounts to Essian Nobility
Maradia:If Maradia were blood nobility to something, would she only have half the claim to nobility since she had a lot of parts replaced with cybernetics that have no blood
---
Menelik: ... am I a bad person?
Sacre: Probably not, but get into stabbing range and we'll see
---
Menelik: Picks up Sacre, pushes her into the Wardroom
Sacre: After that Menilik's body was never found and all of his backups turned out to be corrupted
---
Sacre: working to get Jericho back up "Stupid Unreliable Geists, whoever designed these needs to get shot."
Jericho: "General Nagato has in fact, survived several gunshot wounds since the G1-NI's creation date."
Sacre: Too bad he survived. Can you send him a bullet with my regards?
---
Maradia: tried to replace her own battery again
Sacre: Kiki, do you know where I can get some more AA's for Maradia?
---
Maradia: Entire infantry squad sits on Maradia's tail
Random Grunts: This is the most uncomfortable bench I've ever used.
Maradia: There's several cables running along her spine so... Not the most comfortable thing to ride
Sacre: Someone accidently sits on Sacre's tail, and is sent on a short flight into a bulkhead
Sacre: I think Maradia is more comfortable to sit on.
---
Maradia: I'm gonna hide under the bed now
Maradia's hips: No, I don't think I will
Sacre: The hips don't lie
---
Menelik: ... so, Sacre's going to confront Menelik with a knife again when she realizes that he's involved with Kiki, isn't she?
Sacre: probably not 'waving' a knife
---
Kiki: Laughs and literally bounces off the wall
Sacre: Did you give her coffee
Menelik: Silently nods
Sacre: Pulls out shotgun and shoots Kiki "she'll live"
---
Sacre(to Klaus): Great, yet another stone around my neck
Sacre(to Setsuya): I'm glad to have Klaus along
---
Sacre: This is Klaus.
[Picture of a Lemming]
---
Sacre: what am I thankful for? Not having to interact with knuckleheads, oh look you've ruined it. And heatlamps, I guess.
---
Kaiyo Klaus: High Fives.
Artemis Klaus: Contain the high fives
Sacre: Mainly because high fiving me might mean he no longer has a five to high
---
Sacre: If Sacre had a youtube, it would probably consist of her shooting/stabbing people and then medicing them back to health. I'm not sure who would co-star as the nearly mortally wounded every episode. Although she could be like batman or something.
Maradia:Maradia comes in injured "Oh boy, we're gonna need power tools for this one"
Klaus: Probably be Klaus
Sacre: Again Klaus? Bad lemming!!
Sacre: I'm glad your not dead, but did you have to spurt blood everywhere?
Sacre: Well, at least you're not leaking hydraulic fluid like Maradia
Klaus: I believe that spurting blood is what happens, WHEN SOMEONE IS STABBED!!!!
Elenor: Getting shot does that as well.
---
Sacre: The field surgery kit I always carry around is not an accessory.
Maradia: Is that battery you carry around an accessory, because- flops over limply
Sacre: plugs the new battery in to Maradia. I'm going to go with no
---
Sacre, with the personality of a cheese grater, strikes again.
---
Maradia: "I made a picture of Jericho" It's a poorly drawn stick figure
Sacre: It is the worst drawing of Jericho I've ever seen.
Maradia: I'm glad you like it.
Sacre: I'm serious, Jericho will probably be offended if you show him this sorry excuse for art.
Sacre: Now go draw me 500 pictures of Jericho, and I better see some progress.
Elenor: The fuck did I just witness?
---
Maradia: Uses blood pressure cuff
10 seconds later
Maradia: “OH MY GOD SACRE HELP I’M SUFFERING FROM CARDIAC ARREST”
Sacre: ... That only works on biological arms.
Maradia: .....oh
---
Maradia playing it real smooth: "these implants must be magnetic because I'm attracted to you"
Sacre: shakes her head No, he's got a magnetic personality, that's why your attracted to him.
---
Elenor: walks around muttering, papers in hand. One falls out of stack. On it reads 'Infantry get to be big damned heroes'
Bjorn: sees the dropped paper Ma'am you dropped something
Sacre: sees the paper and reads it. "Put the infantry into a wood chipper" got it.
Bjorn: wait what?
Sacre: People don't get to be heros for the easy stuff, and ribbons are too expensive for my taste.
---
Elenor: hey now, we checked in properly 2 hours in, we just missed our 4 hour check-in because Spetznaz
Sacre: because a marching band playing the anthem would have been making less noise
---
Klaus: I like to imagine that the entire Black Wolf Squad makes sure that nobody eats eggs around Sacre.(edited)
Klaus: That they coerce everyone else to eat eggs while they are training.
Sacre: Yhea, that's probably true.
---
Jericho: Takes a bullet for Klaus.
Klaus: Takes a bullet for Jericho.
Maradia: Takes a bullet for them both by coiling around them
Kuvy Snipers: WTF?!
Maradia: "I can feel my life slipping away... it's over... goodbye Jericho..." It bounced off her metal bone
Klaus: Don't worry! It's just your battery! Plugs in a new one
Sacre: Oh, you aren't dying, your not going to get away from me that easily!
Maradia: "oh, good"
Maradia: "Now then"
Maradia: Attempts to grab Kuvvie with her claw, accidentally pinches their arm off
Maradia: "OH NO I DIDN'T MEAN TO GRAB THEM THAT HARD"
Klaus: You're doing great! Keep it up!
---
Klaus: looks at Sacre's knife collection wow, that is a lot of knives. Uhh, she's probably going to want... you know what I'll go with all of them. Umm, can I get some help here? I'm not sure I can carry all of them myself.
Klaus: XD
Klaus: Just a full duffle bag of knives
Sacre:
[Man with huge backpack]
Jericho: Sacre be the only one carrying a three day assault pack XD
Sacre: That's not a three day assault pack, it's her knife collection, part 1. /jk ... ish
Sacre: Thinking about it, Sacre probably only has in the range of a few hundred knives. Definitely less than a thousand. However, her knife collection is very tightly curated. That said, once she leaves the army, it's probably going to balloon in size.
Klaus: O_O
Klaus: Ò_Ò
---
Someone: You got a knife?
Sacre: Sure Whatcha cutting?
Someone: Why do you need to know?
Sacre: Because it will determine which knife I let you borrow.
Someone: ... Which knife? How many do you have?
Sacre: Whatcha cutting?
---
Klaus: wakes up
Sacre: stabs him
Klaus: What was that for?!
Sacre: Dying in my arms idiot!
Niwa: I'm fine with this Sacre. walks off
Callisto: Does this mean we get to stab as greetings?
Fusami: No.
Niwa: Oh, and Klaus... Don't forget to bring some anger with you when you finish reading the after-action reports.
---
Sacre: If Klaus was really smart, he'd figure that Kusanagi had been lost and get her a replacement.
Klaus: Maybe he runs into a guard that kept Kusanagi as a war trophy?
Sacre: That works too
Maradia: "don't worry, I made you a replacement" Maradia attempted but made a really really crappy knife that slightly resembles a Kusanagi
Sacre: .... I'm going to stab someone with this, just because this is what you give me to work with. When we get back, you've enrolled in the Sacre school of knife making.
Maradia: um... does that means I did good?
Sacre: You'll be taking 'how not to be incompetent 101', so no.
Klaus: Laying down suppressive fire "Less talking, more killing!"
---
Maradia: Attempts to shake hand with claw
Maradia: Crunching noise
Sacre: If it wasn't for the fact that Kikios would probably turn your hand into a demented science experiment I'd ask her to put pressure sensors in your claw.
Maradia: Alarmed beep, hides claw worriedly
Sacre: My advice, don't change my math on that one.
---
Klaus recounts how he got to know Sacre
Sacre: Don’t worry. I’ve still got a few knives up my sleeve.
Klaus: Don’t you mean tricks?
later
Klaus: She did not mean tricks.
---
Klaus continuing to recount
Klaus: WHY? Why did you give them a knife?!
Sacre: I’m sorry. He said he felt unsafe.
Klaus: Now I feel unsafe!
Sacre: ...
Sacre: Would you like a knife?
---
Klaus has nearly endless Sacre stories
Klaus: You can’t just bring knives to a friendly game of charades! Who does that?!
Sacre: pulling out a 10inch blade The prepared.
Makoto: hmm.. Sacre seems to have the right idea, of being prepared.
---
Some don't always star him
Sacre: …and I put a little note in your bag to tell you I love you!
Gravity: Sacre, this is a 10-page letter. takes a peek But yes, I would like to try that sometime.
---
Klaus on Sacre's Alpha Fork, Sanssinia
Sacre: Who are you?
Sanssinia: I’m you.
Sacre: No, I’m me.
Sanssinia: “I’m me”, she says.
---
Klaus on getting fed up with Sacre's insults
Klaus: I will not stand here and be insulted!
Sacre: Then stand somewhere else and I’ll insult you there, I don’t care.
Klaus: Little does Sacre know, I was playing into her game! I’m well versed in drama after all.
Sacre: Do you know how hard it is for two straight men to be funny? Oh, you were trying to be the stooge, sorry.
---
Klaus: Sacre gave me a gift once. opens and dumps bag. Knives come out.
---
Klaus: Sacre, I’m here to rescue you!
Sacre: About damn time. What took you so long?
Klaus: Dumps duffel bag full of cutlery
Sacre: You are forgiven
---
Klaus relates more stories
Klaus: I dare you to kiss the next person who enters the room.
Sacre: Screw you, I’m not kissing anyo—
Gravity: walks in
Sacre: BUT ONLY BECAUSE YOU DARED ME TO
---
Klaus on Sacre's bedside manner
Klaus: Ugh! This is killing me!
Sacre: Good.
Sacre: Die.
Maradia: It's ok Klaus, she might not mean it
Klaus: Maradia....Not helping...
Maradia: Sad beep
---
Klaus: Im sorry!!!
Sacre: You will be now, peon.
Klaus: unintelligible scream of anguish
---
Klaus relates more
Klaus: dies
Klaus: Ah. Finally.
Sacre: brings Klaus back to life
Klaus: oh for fuck’s sake—
---
Yet another story from Klaus
Klaus: What is this?
Sacre: Oh, that? It’s my to-do list.
Klaus: Oh, that’s amazing! I’m so glad you’re finally starting to try and be more organi—
Klaus: Klaus: …This just says “Gravity”
Klaus: And it's not even once.
Klaus: And also marked, "Gravity, maid outfit", "Gravity, bomber jacket", "Gravity, Kimono"
---
Klaus on Sacre's relationship advice
Klaus: Hey, Sacre, I need some relationship advice, can you help me out?
Sacre: Okay just because I’m dating Gravity doesn’t mean I know how I did it
Klaus: You too?! Damn. I did it with Setsuya and Mehitabel, somehow
---
Klaus on Sacre's interrogations
Kuvexian Prisoner: I really like this “good cop/bad cop” thing you two have going.
Klaus: Thanks.
Klaus: But it’s not really a thing, it’s more like I’m nice and Sacre is not.
Klaus: I'm not the good cop. I'm the one that kills you after she's done.
Sacre: He called dibs, sorry
---
Maradia: Attempts to pick up Sacre to get her out of the Kuvexian prison
Sacre: HISS GET OFF ME YOU HALF APPLIANCE
Maradia: WHY, I WAS JUST TRYING TO SAVE YOU
Klaus: Things get a bit hectic out here.
Maradia: Cheats by spinning claw
---
Sacre: Sometimes you just gotta twirls knife
Klaus: You gotta what?
Sacre: You just gotta
---
Gravity: You keep a list of everyone based on how good-looking they are?
Sacre: Yes, I do... number one.
Klaus: That is so messed up.
Sacre: Keep your concerns to yourself, tw— uh, Klaus
Klaus:
Sacre: I definitely was going to say two thousand, not two
Maradia: ooh what number am I?
---
Sacre: It's a good start.
[There are 88 killing weapons on my body, you bastards.]
Makoto: decent set.
---
Sacre: I wonder if cables's tail has any good spots for holding knives.
Maradia: What?!
Sacre: These are important questions.
Elenor: peers
Maradia: Why are you holding wire ties?!
Sacre: Well you have wires don't you?
Maradia: NO! I-I mean yes but no!
Elenor: Why?
Sacre: Gotta attach the knives somehow.
Maradia: Hiding Helllp meeeee!
---
Sacre: Roses are red. Violets are blue. I find you tolerable every other day or two.
---
Kikios: So how's the water?
Klaus opens the channel to the room Sacre's in
Sacre: ...Catfish who deserve all of the disgusting leftover things that no other fish would want. Lice would be welcome house guests compared to that. No, not lice, lice are too dignified and refined. A tape worm perhaps, sucking all of the energy and force out of you. It exists only to be torn out, root and stem so it never gets within a thousand lightyea...
Klaus turns it back off
Klaus: I think you'll be fine, just wait until she tells them to do it again.
Klaus: They're getting used to it at least. Only 3 broke down in tears this time.
Kikios: Is... is she talking about her squad?
Klaus: Yeaaaaaah.
Kikios: Oouuuchh....
Maradia slithers in having seen none of that
Maradia: hey guys what's going on
Klaus: Sacre’s new recruits made a mistake. Shakes head Poor fools.
Maradia: Oh no, what did they do...
Elenor: Someone flagged the line while on the range.
Elenor: The whole line.
Maradia: Yeah at least we would never do that
---
Sacre: I do have a positive attitude, I'm positive your a screwup placed here by fate to torment me with your incompetence.
Klaus: Used to it at this point... Ok.
Maradia: I'm not incompetent! Angry beeping
---
Maradia: so if chlorate hugs sacre she gets thrown right
Maradia: what happens if maradia hugs sacre
Sacre: Maradia probably gets an arm poped back into it's socket and a "Your fatter then I expected."
Maradia: "Wha!" Looks at her belly "I'm not fat!"
Sacre: Sacre: I saw you sneak that extra cookie at dinner, that's probably a thousand extra calories we have to work off. So let's get started.
Maradia: "What! No I... OK I... IT WAS JUST 2 COOKIES"
Klaus: “To be fair, they were covered in a chocolate layer.”
Maradia: Annoyed whirr "You're not helping!"
Klaus: “Sorry. I’ll do the exercises with ya. Share the pain.”
---
Sacre: So the slimy Limpet continues to cling to the bottom of the rusty garbage barge, pathetic. She's actually kinda happy to see you.
---
Sacre: If we could turn your stupidity into power, we would have a greater power source then Aether.
Klaus: raises finger, thinks
Klaus: Yeah, you're probably right.
Sachiko: frowns not liking her papa being insulted. Thats not polite
Klaus: Don't worry Sachi. Sacre's just a Tsundere. That's just how she shows affection.
---
Charra: Today i, a giant snake, will consume an entire small animal on camera and then lay under a heating lamp in slightly revealing attire but at an angle that keeps you watching on the off chance you think ill show some skin any time i stretch. Like, comment, and subscribe to see me do more giant-snake things every monday and dont forget to support me, a giant snake, on Space-Patreon for as low as 5 KS a month for in depth behind the scenes footage on me doing giant snake things!
Charra: Honestly i would dread viewing a media platform with likely billions of childish or girly neko all uploading simular content every single day, bottlenecking the whole platform with prob simular clips of random goings on on their ships, teasing their crewmates with the same pranks since trillions of neko can only be so original when there are trillions of them with the same formative experiences, etc. Ah, yes. The 7-millionth review of origins new delsaurian meatballs today. This will go well with the ten billion reccomendations i just got around "trolling the bridge bunnies on the YSS SHIP NAME HERE (MEGAMI SNITCHED TO SAINT?!). Oh. Something new? Nevermind its just ANOTHER elysian wing care tutorial...
Kiki: Watches intently
Sacre: Not to mention that they all likely have similar tastes. Hopefully there would be a "Algorithm God, I am not a NEKO!" button. Seeing a Separa'Shan do anything would probably be novel. And the one that does the same Neko stuff that they like has a zillion viewers.
Maradia: Runs out of battery on a stream and leaves it on for hours
Viewers: "is this a bit? is she supposed to be doing that?"
Long Time viewers, "She's done it again, where is she streaming from? Let's see if we can get her a new battery."
Elenor: "Hey, get that shit outta my way. No, I don't care that your trying to become the new NekoTube star. Do you know how many are trying to do just that? No I won't do a cute neko thing. I'm not vat-grown like you are, remember?"
Klaus: would totally be a booktuber or a trash taste style podcast
---
Sacre: Sacre's place doesn't have rats, it has snacks that have stopped showing up.
---
Kikos: A fire triangle is made up of oxygen, heat, and fuel. When you have those three things, you have a fire. But really you can make a fire triangle for anything.
Klaus: You can make a fire trangle for anything?
Kikos: Yhea.
Maradia: Do Sacre!
Klaus: Easy! Bitching, Bitching, and Bitching
---
---
---
Kiki: I'd like to think that we're all friends
Sacre: Your bird brain liking to think it and it being true are not the same thing.
Also Sacre: Kiki, I had an extra knife and thought you could use one.
---
Klaus: So I was thinking...
Sacre: With what?
Klaus: (Continues on without noticing)
---
Sacre: Being a tough as nails badass survivor is significantly less awesome then not having to survive it at all, but we didn't get that choice. Our choice is between badass survivor and victim. I chose survivor.
---
Maradia: Fails at video games because she doesn't have another hand for the mouse/controller
Sacre: Skill issue
Sacre: Yhea... Sacre would probably insinst she play video games twelve hours a day until she's top ranked.
Char: But that would never happen cause theres always a freespacer with 7 arms and 79 fingers on a single game controller, a Nepleslian hacker cheating, some neko who machine-learned being the best at video games ever and uses their OP super processing brain to outperform, or some space-korean kid with space-gamerfuel and who only spends 10% of his day at school and the other 90% with a space-korean sponsored top-10 space-esports team...
Char: Plus the salty kids who will troll our beloved and overly serious sacre. The moment she reacts on the mic to them they have already cross-analyzed her like a goddam phycologist and will make her rage quit in under 10 insults.
Sacre: Talk less, split-tail and mayb- Some kid: Your tail is fat and your scales are coarse as hell. Go sit under a hotlamp and eat some mice, fat-tail! -XxXBestSnekYE69XxX has left your game-
Sacre: I don't know, Sacre does have weapons grade vocabulary.
Sacre: No, u.
MLG airhorn montage sounds
Sacre: more like...
Sacre: Listen here you little piece of trash, no wait that's an insult to...
Sacre: gets tuned out
---
Sacre: What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Rangers, and I've been involved in numerous secret raids on kuvexia, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I'm the top sniper in the entire Yamatai armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before in this galaxy, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the empire and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You're fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the Yamatai Star Army and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the planet, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little "clever" comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You're fucking dead, kiddo.
Char: Less than a nanosecond later by the high pitched voice of a child: Its spelled "Guerrilla", Fat-tail.
---
Sacre: There is a knife with your name on it, I might not know where, I might not know when, but I will personally deliver it straight to your shriveled apricot of a heart.
Suzume: poking her head through the doorway Apricots are not a viable replacement for a heart, let alone most organs, Sanssinia-san.
The audible sound of teeth grinding in frustration as children hearing that through sacre's mic start cackling at her
Sacre: Part of the problem is that Sacre doesn't have the required amount of Chill. Perhaps she can livesteam and get some of her simps to harass them for her?
---
Sacre: If I had to enumerate all of your flaws, we'd be here until the heat death of the universe.
Soldier: uhhh...
Klaus: she didn't say all eternity so your good.
Klaus: The heat death of the universe is when she starts blushing. It's super cute.
---
Sacre: this is my presentation on all of your positive attributes
Screen shows 'no slides' error
Sacre: this concludes my presentation, thank you.
---
Maradia: Makes mechanical clattering noises
Sacre: Oh look, a rattlesnake
---
(Adapted from star trek)
Klaus Four weeks? Are you telling me I've been hanging around with a Changeling for over a month?
Sacre And you even never suspected it wasn't me?
Klaus: No! And the worst part is, the clues were right in front of me!
Sacre: What clues?
Klaus: Well, for one thing, she was a lot easier to get along with.
Klaus: Didn't throw a knife at me or anything.
Elenor: No knife's flying through the air at people too
Dramatis Personae:
Sacre - Tsundre Snek
Klaus - Longsuffering peon
Maradia - Sad Separa'Borg
Gravity - Sacre's beloved girlfriend
Setsuya - Klaus's beloved girlfriend
Jericho - A meat wall that's more like a machine than a man.
Menelik - Annoying peon 37
Kiki - Overly enthusiastic engineer, banned from having coffee
Elenor - Ranger chick in charge
Bjorn - The only full robot
Niwa - Top boss
Makoto - Ninja with catlike tread
IC:
Jericho: Why are you staring at me with that knife?
Sacre: I think you know why.
Jericho: You're name is sacre isn't it?
Sacre: You can read, your highest achievement, I'm sure.
Jericho: F*^& you.
Menelik just kinda sighs and shakes his head.
Kikos: "You can't scare me"
Sacre: I don't remember it going that way, Kiki. I guess knowing some of my tricks might help.
---
Kikos: oh no
Kikos: menelik just
Kikos:
Kikos:
Jericho: Menelik NNNNNOOOOOOO, you've doomed us all!!!
Menelik: Menelik comes from a subculture where coffee is drunken and revered like tea is in asian cultures.
Sacre: Sighs I'll go get the tranquilizer gun.
Jericho: has shock rounds
Sacre: At least we don't have Gravity along for the ride.
Menelik: It's not like his family's company plans to open a division that grows super coffee.
Sacre: no free samples of your disgusting bean water, we have enough trouble with the regular stuff.
Menelik: Come on, I wouldn't push coffee on you people. Now, Tej and Tella, absolutely. I don't see how you drink that stuff made from rice.
Jericho: Sips a can of cola from his stash
Kiki:.....
Jericho: Sips a can of energy drink from stash.
Kiki: OwO
Sacre: You don't have to push coffee on a black hole
---
Sacre picks up cross stitch
[Cross stitch with seven knives and text "no spoons left, only knives']
---
Jericho: Anyone seen my LCK? wasn't in it's sheath when I was doing a gear check.
Sacre: I guess that makes you un-LCK-y
---
---
Sacre:
Maradia:
---
Menelik: ... am I a bad person?
Sacre: Probably not, but get into stabbing range and we'll see
---
Menelik: Picks up Sacre, pushes her into the Wardroom
Sacre: After that Menilik's body was never found and all of his backups turned out to be corrupted
---
Sacre: working to get Jericho back up "Stupid Unreliable Geists, whoever designed these needs to get shot."
Jericho: "General Nagato has in fact, survived several gunshot wounds since the G1-NI's creation date."
Sacre: Too bad he survived. Can you send him a bullet with my regards?
---
Maradia: tried to replace her own battery again
Sacre: Kiki, do you know where I can get some more AA's for Maradia?
---
Maradia: Entire infantry squad sits on Maradia's tail
Random Grunts: This is the most uncomfortable bench I've ever used.
Maradia: There's several cables running along her spine so... Not the most comfortable thing to ride
Sacre: Someone accidently sits on Sacre's tail, and is sent on a short flight into a bulkhead
Sacre: I think Maradia is more comfortable to sit on.
---
Maradia: I'm gonna hide under the bed now
Maradia's hips: No, I don't think I will
Sacre: The hips don't lie
---
Menelik: ... so, Sacre's going to confront Menelik with a knife again when she realizes that he's involved with Kiki, isn't she?
Sacre: probably not 'waving' a knife
---
Kiki: Laughs and literally bounces off the wall
Sacre: Did you give her coffee
Menelik: Silently nods
Sacre: Pulls out shotgun and shoots Kiki "she'll live"
---
Sacre(to Klaus): Great, yet another stone around my neck
Sacre(to Setsuya): I'm glad to have Klaus along
---
Sacre: This is Klaus.
[Picture of a Lemming]
---
Sacre: what am I thankful for? Not having to interact with knuckleheads, oh look you've ruined it. And heatlamps, I guess.
---
Kaiyo Klaus: High Fives.
Artemis Klaus: Contain the high fives
Sacre: Mainly because high fiving me might mean he no longer has a five to high
---
Sacre: If Sacre had a youtube, it would probably consist of her shooting/stabbing people and then medicing them back to health. I'm not sure who would co-star as the nearly mortally wounded every episode. Although she could be like batman or something.
Maradia:
Klaus: Probably be Klaus
Sacre: Again Klaus? Bad lemming!!
Sacre: I'm glad your not dead, but did you have to spurt blood everywhere?
Sacre: Well, at least you're not leaking hydraulic fluid like Maradia
Klaus: I believe that spurting blood is what happens, WHEN SOMEONE IS STABBED!!!!
Elenor: Getting shot does that as well.
---
Sacre: The field surgery kit I always carry around is not an accessory.
Maradia: Is that battery you carry around an accessory, because- flops over limply
Sacre: plugs the new battery in to Maradia. I'm going to go with no
---
Sacre, with the personality of a cheese grater, strikes again.
---
Maradia: "I made a picture of Jericho" It's a poorly drawn stick figure
Sacre: It is the worst drawing of Jericho I've ever seen.
Maradia: I'm glad you like it.
Sacre: I'm serious, Jericho will probably be offended if you show him this sorry excuse for art.
Sacre: Now go draw me 500 pictures of Jericho, and I better see some progress.
Elenor: The fuck did I just witness?
---
Maradia: Uses blood pressure cuff
10 seconds later
Maradia: “OH MY GOD SACRE HELP I’M SUFFERING FROM CARDIAC ARREST”
Sacre: ... That only works on biological arms.
Maradia: .....oh
---
Maradia playing it real smooth: "these implants must be magnetic because I'm attracted to you"
Sacre: shakes her head No, he's got a magnetic personality, that's why your attracted to him.
---
Elenor: walks around muttering, papers in hand. One falls out of stack. On it reads 'Infantry get to be big damned heroes'
Bjorn: sees the dropped paper Ma'am you dropped something
Sacre: sees the paper and reads it. "Put the infantry into a wood chipper" got it.
Bjorn: wait what?
Sacre: People don't get to be heros for the easy stuff, and ribbons are too expensive for my taste.
---
Elenor: hey now, we checked in properly 2 hours in, we just missed our 4 hour check-in because Spetznaz
Sacre: because a marching band playing the anthem would have been making less noise
---
Klaus: I like to imagine that the entire Black Wolf Squad makes sure that nobody eats eggs around Sacre.(edited)
Klaus: That they coerce everyone else to eat eggs while they are training.
Sacre: Yhea, that's probably true.
---
Jericho: Takes a bullet for Klaus.
Klaus: Takes a bullet for Jericho.
Maradia: Takes a bullet for them both by coiling around them
Kuvy Snipers: WTF?!
Maradia: "I can feel my life slipping away... it's over... goodbye Jericho..." It bounced off her metal bone
Klaus: Don't worry! It's just your battery! Plugs in a new one
Sacre: Oh, you aren't dying, your not going to get away from me that easily!
Maradia: "oh, good"
Maradia: "Now then"
Maradia: Attempts to grab Kuvvie with her claw, accidentally pinches their arm off
Maradia: "OH NO I DIDN'T MEAN TO GRAB THEM THAT HARD"
Klaus: You're doing great! Keep it up!
---
Klaus: looks at Sacre's knife collection wow, that is a lot of knives. Uhh, she's probably going to want... you know what I'll go with all of them. Umm, can I get some help here? I'm not sure I can carry all of them myself.
Klaus: XD
Klaus: Just a full duffle bag of knives
Sacre:
[Man with huge backpack]
Jericho: Sacre be the only one carrying a three day assault pack XD
Sacre: That's not a three day assault pack, it's her knife collection, part 1. /jk ... ish
Sacre: Thinking about it, Sacre probably only has in the range of a few hundred knives. Definitely less than a thousand. However, her knife collection is very tightly curated. That said, once she leaves the army, it's probably going to balloon in size.
Klaus: O_O
Klaus: Ò_Ò
---
Someone: You got a knife?
Sacre: Sure Whatcha cutting?
Someone: Why do you need to know?
Sacre: Because it will determine which knife I let you borrow.
Someone: ... Which knife? How many do you have?
Sacre: Whatcha cutting?
---
Klaus: wakes up
Sacre: stabs him
Klaus: What was that for?!
Sacre: Dying in my arms idiot!
Niwa: I'm fine with this Sacre. walks off
Callisto: Does this mean we get to stab as greetings?
Fusami: No.
Niwa: Oh, and Klaus... Don't forget to bring some anger with you when you finish reading the after-action reports.
---
Sacre: If Klaus was really smart, he'd figure that Kusanagi had been lost and get her a replacement.
Klaus: Maybe he runs into a guard that kept Kusanagi as a war trophy?
Sacre: That works too
Maradia: "don't worry, I made you a replacement" Maradia attempted but made a really really crappy knife that slightly resembles a Kusanagi
Sacre: .... I'm going to stab someone with this, just because this is what you give me to work with. When we get back, you've enrolled in the Sacre school of knife making.
Maradia: um... does that means I did good?
Sacre: You'll be taking 'how not to be incompetent 101', so no.
Klaus: Laying down suppressive fire "Less talking, more killing!"
---
Maradia: Attempts to shake hand with claw
Maradia: Crunching noise
Sacre: If it wasn't for the fact that Kikios would probably turn your hand into a demented science experiment I'd ask her to put pressure sensors in your claw.
Maradia: Alarmed beep, hides claw worriedly
Sacre: My advice, don't change my math on that one.
---
Klaus recounts how he got to know Sacre
Sacre: Don’t worry. I’ve still got a few knives up my sleeve.
Klaus: Don’t you mean tricks?
later
Klaus: She did not mean tricks.
---
Klaus continuing to recount
Klaus: WHY? Why did you give them a knife?!
Sacre: I’m sorry. He said he felt unsafe.
Klaus: Now I feel unsafe!
Sacre: ...
Sacre: Would you like a knife?
---
Klaus has nearly endless Sacre stories
Klaus: You can’t just bring knives to a friendly game of charades! Who does that?!
Sacre: pulling out a 10inch blade The prepared.
Makoto: hmm.. Sacre seems to have the right idea, of being prepared.
---
Some don't always star him
Sacre: …and I put a little note in your bag to tell you I love you!
Gravity: Sacre, this is a 10-page letter. takes a peek But yes, I would like to try that sometime.
---
Klaus on Sacre's Alpha Fork, Sanssinia
Sacre: Who are you?
Sanssinia: I’m you.
Sacre: No, I’m me.
Sanssinia: “I’m me”, she says.
---
Klaus on getting fed up with Sacre's insults
Klaus: I will not stand here and be insulted!
Sacre: Then stand somewhere else and I’ll insult you there, I don’t care.
Klaus: Little does Sacre know, I was playing into her game! I’m well versed in drama after all.
Sacre: Do you know how hard it is for two straight men to be funny? Oh, you were trying to be the stooge, sorry.
---
Klaus: Sacre gave me a gift once. opens and dumps bag. Knives come out.
---
Klaus: Sacre, I’m here to rescue you!
Sacre: About damn time. What took you so long?
Klaus: Dumps duffel bag full of cutlery
Sacre: You are forgiven
---
Klaus relates more stories
Klaus: I dare you to kiss the next person who enters the room.
Sacre: Screw you, I’m not kissing anyo—
Gravity: walks in
Sacre: BUT ONLY BECAUSE YOU DARED ME TO
---
Klaus on Sacre's bedside manner
Klaus: Ugh! This is killing me!
Sacre: Good.
Sacre: Die.
Maradia: It's ok Klaus, she might not mean it
Klaus: Maradia....Not helping...
Maradia: Sad beep
---
Klaus: Im sorry!!!
Sacre: You will be now, peon.
Klaus: unintelligible scream of anguish
---
Klaus relates more
Klaus: dies
Klaus: Ah. Finally.
Sacre: brings Klaus back to life
Klaus: oh for fuck’s sake—
---
Yet another story from Klaus
Klaus: What is this?
Sacre: Oh, that? It’s my to-do list.
Klaus: Oh, that’s amazing! I’m so glad you’re finally starting to try and be more organi—
Klaus: Klaus: …This just says “Gravity”
Klaus: And it's not even once.
Klaus: And also marked, "Gravity, maid outfit", "Gravity, bomber jacket", "Gravity, Kimono"
---
Klaus on Sacre's relationship advice
Klaus: Hey, Sacre, I need some relationship advice, can you help me out?
Sacre: Okay just because I’m dating Gravity doesn’t mean I know how I did it
Klaus: You too?! Damn. I did it with Setsuya and Mehitabel, somehow
---
Klaus on Sacre's interrogations
Kuvexian Prisoner: I really like this “good cop/bad cop” thing you two have going.
Klaus: Thanks.
Klaus: But it’s not really a thing, it’s more like I’m nice and Sacre is not.
Klaus: I'm not the good cop. I'm the one that kills you after she's done.
Sacre: He called dibs, sorry
---
Maradia: Attempts to pick up Sacre to get her out of the Kuvexian prison
Sacre: HISS GET OFF ME YOU HALF APPLIANCE
Maradia: WHY, I WAS JUST TRYING TO SAVE YOU
Klaus: Things get a bit hectic out here.
Maradia: Cheats by spinning claw
---
Sacre: Sometimes you just gotta twirls knife
Klaus: You gotta what?
Sacre: You just gotta
---
Gravity: You keep a list of everyone based on how good-looking they are?
Sacre: Yes, I do... number one.
Klaus: That is so messed up.
Sacre: Keep your concerns to yourself, tw— uh, Klaus
Klaus:
Sacre: I definitely was going to say two thousand, not two
Maradia: ooh what number am I?
---
Sacre: It's a good start.
[There are 88 killing weapons on my body, you bastards.]
Makoto: decent set.
---
Sacre: I wonder if cables's tail has any good spots for holding knives.
Maradia: What?!
Sacre: These are important questions.
Elenor: peers
Maradia: Why are you holding wire ties?!
Sacre: Well you have wires don't you?
Maradia: NO! I-I mean yes but no!
Elenor: Why?
Sacre: Gotta attach the knives somehow.
Maradia: Hiding Helllp meeeee!
---
Sacre: Roses are red. Violets are blue. I find you tolerable every other day or two.
---
Kikios: So how's the water?
Klaus opens the channel to the room Sacre's in
Sacre: ...Catfish who deserve all of the disgusting leftover things that no other fish would want. Lice would be welcome house guests compared to that. No, not lice, lice are too dignified and refined. A tape worm perhaps, sucking all of the energy and force out of you. It exists only to be torn out, root and stem so it never gets within a thousand lightyea...
Klaus turns it back off
Klaus: I think you'll be fine, just wait until she tells them to do it again.
Klaus: They're getting used to it at least. Only 3 broke down in tears this time.
Kikios: Is... is she talking about her squad?
Klaus: Yeaaaaaah.
Kikios: Oouuuchh....
Maradia slithers in having seen none of that
Maradia: hey guys what's going on
Klaus: Sacre’s new recruits made a mistake. Shakes head Poor fools.
Maradia: Oh no, what did they do...
Elenor: Someone flagged the line while on the range.
Elenor: The whole line.
Maradia: Yeah at least we would never do that
---
Sacre: I do have a positive attitude, I'm positive your a screwup placed here by fate to torment me with your incompetence.
Klaus: Used to it at this point... Ok.
Maradia: I'm not incompetent! Angry beeping
---
Maradia: so if chlorate hugs sacre she gets thrown right
Maradia: what happens if maradia hugs sacre
Sacre: Maradia probably gets an arm poped back into it's socket and a "Your fatter then I expected."
Maradia: "Wha!" Looks at her belly "I'm not fat!"
Sacre: Sacre: I saw you sneak that extra cookie at dinner, that's probably a thousand extra calories we have to work off. So let's get started.
Maradia: "What! No I... OK I... IT WAS JUST 2 COOKIES"
Klaus: “To be fair, they were covered in a chocolate layer.”
Maradia: Annoyed whirr "You're not helping!"
Klaus: “Sorry. I’ll do the exercises with ya. Share the pain.”
---
Sacre: So the slimy Limpet continues to cling to the bottom of the rusty garbage barge, pathetic. She's actually kinda happy to see you.
---
Sacre: If we could turn your stupidity into power, we would have a greater power source then Aether.
Klaus: raises finger, thinks
Klaus: Yeah, you're probably right.
Sachiko: frowns not liking her papa being insulted. Thats not polite
Klaus: Don't worry Sachi. Sacre's just a Tsundere. That's just how she shows affection.
---
Charra: Today i, a giant snake, will consume an entire small animal on camera and then lay under a heating lamp in slightly revealing attire but at an angle that keeps you watching on the off chance you think ill show some skin any time i stretch. Like, comment, and subscribe to see me do more giant-snake things every monday and dont forget to support me, a giant snake, on Space-Patreon for as low as 5 KS a month for in depth behind the scenes footage on me doing giant snake things!
Charra: Honestly i would dread viewing a media platform with likely billions of childish or girly neko all uploading simular content every single day, bottlenecking the whole platform with prob simular clips of random goings on on their ships, teasing their crewmates with the same pranks since trillions of neko can only be so original when there are trillions of them with the same formative experiences, etc. Ah, yes. The 7-millionth review of origins new delsaurian meatballs today. This will go well with the ten billion reccomendations i just got around "trolling the bridge bunnies on the YSS SHIP NAME HERE (MEGAMI SNITCHED TO SAINT?!). Oh. Something new? Nevermind its just ANOTHER elysian wing care tutorial...
Kiki: Watches intently
Sacre: Not to mention that they all likely have similar tastes. Hopefully there would be a "Algorithm God, I am not a NEKO!" button. Seeing a Separa'Shan do anything would probably be novel. And the one that does the same Neko stuff that they like has a zillion viewers.
Maradia: Runs out of battery on a stream and leaves it on for hours
Viewers: "is this a bit? is she supposed to be doing that?"
Long Time viewers, "She's done it again, where is she streaming from? Let's see if we can get her a new battery."
Elenor: "Hey, get that shit outta my way. No, I don't care that your trying to become the new NekoTube star. Do you know how many are trying to do just that? No I won't do a cute neko thing. I'm not vat-grown like you are, remember?"
Klaus: would totally be a booktuber or a trash taste style podcast
---
Sacre: Sacre's place doesn't have rats, it has snacks that have stopped showing up.
---
Kikos: A fire triangle is made up of oxygen, heat, and fuel. When you have those three things, you have a fire. But really you can make a fire triangle for anything.
Klaus: You can make a fire trangle for anything?
Kikos: Yhea.
Maradia: Do Sacre!
Klaus: Easy! Bitching, Bitching, and Bitching
---
---
---
Kiki: I'd like to think that we're all friends
Sacre: Your bird brain liking to think it and it being true are not the same thing.
Also Sacre: Kiki, I had an extra knife and thought you could use one.
---
Klaus: So I was thinking...
Sacre: With what?
Klaus: (Continues on without noticing)
---
Sacre: Being a tough as nails badass survivor is significantly less awesome then not having to survive it at all, but we didn't get that choice. Our choice is between badass survivor and victim. I chose survivor.
---
Maradia: Fails at video games because she doesn't have another hand for the mouse/controller
Sacre: Yhea... Sacre would probably insinst she play video games twelve hours a day until she's top ranked.
Char: But that would never happen cause theres always a freespacer with 7 arms and 79 fingers on a single game controller, a Nepleslian hacker cheating, some neko who machine-learned being the best at video games ever and uses their OP super processing brain to outperform, or some space-korean kid with space-gamerfuel and who only spends 10% of his day at school and the other 90% with a space-korean sponsored top-10 space-esports team...
Char: Plus the salty kids who will troll our beloved and overly serious sacre. The moment she reacts on the mic to them they have already cross-analyzed her like a goddam phycologist and will make her rage quit in under 10 insults.
Sacre: Talk less, split-tail and mayb- Some kid: Your tail is fat and your scales are coarse as hell. Go sit under a hotlamp and eat some mice, fat-tail! -XxXBestSnekYE69XxX has left your game-
Sacre: I don't know, Sacre does have weapons grade vocabulary.
Sacre: No, u.
MLG airhorn montage sounds
Sacre: more like...
Sacre: Listen here you little piece of trash, no wait that's an insult to...
Sacre: gets tuned out
---
Sacre: What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Rangers, and I've been involved in numerous secret raids on kuvexia, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I'm the top sniper in the entire Yamatai armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before in this galaxy, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the empire and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You're fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the Yamatai Star Army and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the planet, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little "clever" comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You're fucking dead, kiddo.
Char: Less than a nanosecond later by the high pitched voice of a child: Its spelled "Guerrilla", Fat-tail.
---
Sacre: There is a knife with your name on it, I might not know where, I might not know when, but I will personally deliver it straight to your shriveled apricot of a heart.
Suzume: poking her head through the doorway Apricots are not a viable replacement for a heart, let alone most organs, Sanssinia-san.
The audible sound of teeth grinding in frustration as children hearing that through sacre's mic start cackling at her
Sacre: Part of the problem is that Sacre doesn't have the required amount of Chill. Perhaps she can livesteam and get some of her simps to harass them for her?
---
Sacre: If I had to enumerate all of your flaws, we'd be here until the heat death of the universe.
Soldier: uhhh...
Klaus: she didn't say all eternity so your good.
Klaus: The heat death of the universe is when she starts blushing. It's super cute.
---
Sacre: this is my presentation on all of your positive attributes
Screen shows 'no slides' error
Sacre: this concludes my presentation, thank you.
---
Maradia: Makes mechanical clattering noises
Sacre: Oh look, a rattlesnake
---
(Adapted from star trek)
Klaus Four weeks? Are you telling me I've been hanging around with a Changeling for over a month?
Sacre And you even never suspected it wasn't me?
Klaus: No! And the worst part is, the clues were right in front of me!
Sacre: What clues?
Klaus: Well, for one thing, she was a lot easier to get along with.
Klaus: Didn't throw a knife at me or anything.
Elenor: No knife's flying through the air at people too