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Approved Submission [SAoY] Ke-M4-W4000 Power Armor Automatic Rifle - 40YE

Doshii Jun

Perpetual player
Retired Staff
Just making sure here. Is the 7 mm round now being loaded into chemically propelled cartridges? The original round was a magnetically fired projectile.
 

Doshii Jun

Perpetual player
Retired Staff
OK. So going from a railgun to a regular gun, the rounds are now being made as chemically propelled cartridges (case, powder, slug) instead of magnetically fired projectiles (slug only). Should that be noted somewhere? As it feels like you're creating a new type of ammunition.
 

Glein

Well-Known Member
No change to the projectiles themselves, just putting them into a caseless propellant. So the ammo itself is unchanged, just the exact method of delivery.
 

Ametheliana

Sensei
Staff Member
Submissions Reviewer
FM of Nepleslia
FM of the Iromakuanhe
Game Master
You only use the terms "caseless" and "propellent" once each in your wiki article. If you expound on that method of delivery in the article with the key words you used in your post, we may better understand the application of it right now, and people using it in the future will, too.

Upon inspection of caseless ammunition through google, they're quite extensive component-wise in modern applications. Are there things in yours like what I found in wikipedia's article: "...solid propellant, the primer, the bullet, and a plastic cap that serves to keep the bullet centered in the propellant block"?

There are some formatting issues such as always having text/prose after major headers that I need fixed. Before images, bullet lists, a chart, or new headers, you will need to put that text or prose I just mentioned.

Ammo also needs its own article, so make it its own article.

Thanks for the rad new art and article! I know this seems like a lot of work, but I'm here to help you out with what you don't understand or can't do. I'd like to let you know, too, that when I request changes, they need to happen in the article, unless you have some major objection ofc, instead of being explained in the thread. Thanks, Glein! Have fun changing it up and adding to this awesome article!
 

Glein

Well-Known Member
Alright. Worked on the issues in question - Added a section to the Ammunition description explaining the different in delivery for the 7x20mm LASR dart in comparison to the LASR rifle (Caseless propellant vs. magnetic rails).

The reason that the ammo itself currently lacks being on its own page, is that when I began working on the PAAR-40, and asked Wes about this exact thing (requiring a page for the ammo, which the LASR does not have, and while I do have plans to put together one at a later date, wish to get this completed first), he informed me to simply link the section of the LASR rifle which covers the ammo, though I have gone in and expanded on it a fair bit (with Wes's permission at this time). When the ammo page is done, I fully intend to cut down on the amount of material here on the ammo and leave it primarily to the ammo page.

@Ametheliana
 

Ametheliana

Sensei
Staff Member
Submissions Reviewer
FM of Nepleslia
FM of the Iromakuanhe
Game Master
Okay, just re-read that addition for punctuation.

This sentence needs to be broken up: "With the nature of the bolt both in material composition and shape to house the cartridge prior to firing, is thusly not enough to cause damage to the bolt or other internal systems, hence it's reliable operation, and low-risk of cook-off as the rounds in the magazine lack the electrical charge to detonate the propellant."

You start two sentences with "It", which is generally a matter of style and not a rule, but it would be appreciated if you break up repetition.

"...which requires the centering cap to be removed." (Can this be its own sentence with a v quick how-to added on in some short way?)

I will add in little warning emoji signs where you need to add text/prose or I can put it in a post in this thread. Which would you like?
 

Glein

Well-Known Member
On the wiki, so I can see it more easily while editing. I apologize for the run-on's. I was mostly putting words down so that I could get the idea out.
 

Ametheliana

Sensei
Staff Member
Submissions Reviewer
FM of Nepleslia
FM of the Iromakuanhe
Game Master
I totally get that about the run-on sentences and jotting down ideas. Mind poking me in DMs tomorrow to put the warning labels in?
 

Ametheliana

Sensei
Staff Member
Submissions Reviewer
FM of Nepleslia
FM of the Iromakuanhe
Game Master
I added these ⚠ where you need text/prose. A complete sentence or two will do.
 

Glein

Well-Known Member
Added small blurbs in each of the marked sections, also cleaned up some of the run-ons in the ammunition description.
 

Ametheliana

Sensei
Staff Member
Submissions Reviewer
FM of Nepleslia
FM of the Iromakuanhe
Game Master
Hello! Let's see if this submission meets the requirements for inclusion in Star Army's lore...

[ ✔ ] 1. The destination URL should be a page in the appropriate namespace and titled lower_case_with_underscores
[ ✔ ] 2. The article is in the appropriate format and article template
[ ✔ ] 3. The article follows our wiki style guidelines, including: No forced line breaks, text after each section header, etc.
[ ✔ ] 4. The article is easily read and free of errors in spelling and grammar
[ ✔ ] 5. Links to other wiki articles are present as appropriate
[ ✔ ] 6. The article fits into the Star Army universe's space opera theme and technology levels
[ ✔ ] 7. Images in the article are hosted on Star Army's wiki and sourced responsibly (contact Wes privately if there's a concern)
[ ✔ ] 8. The article is original and doesn't contain copy-pasted content from other articles.
[ ✔ ] 9. The article complies with Star Army's rules in terms of damage ratings, speed limits, etc.
[ ✔ ] 10. The Faction Manager(s), if applicable, have posted approval for this article in this thread.

Status: Approved
 

SirSkully

FM of S6
Game Master
@Ametheliana ammunition for the rifle has been made into an individual article, just pinging you because you approved the article originally but I am sure any other NTSE mods could look it over, I basically just put the ammunition section into a separate article that followed the template so enjoy:



@Glein just making sure you see this
 

Ametheliana

Sensei
Staff Member
Submissions Reviewer
FM of Nepleslia
FM of the Iromakuanhe
Game Master
Sub-headers need text/prose before images or bullet points.
 

Ametheliana

Sensei
Staff Member
Submissions Reviewer
FM of Nepleslia
FM of the Iromakuanhe
Game Master
Looks better. Armour should be armor, as per usual.
 
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