• If you were supposed to get an email from the forum but didn't (e.g. to verify your account for registration), email Wes at [email protected] or talk to me on Discord for help. Sometimes the server hits our limit of emails we can send per hour.
  • Get in our Discord chat! Discord.gg/stararmy
  • 📅 April 2024 is YE 46.3 in the RP.

Approved Character Skhaal

Skhaal

Inactive Member
General Information
Species: Thaxarian
Gender: Male
Age: 23

Family: All family dead and gone including his older brother (which you will find out how he died in history)
Faction: None
Occupation: Avatar
Rank: None
Current Assignment: Recieve assistance to eradicate the urthixians on thaxaria.

Physical Characteristics
Height: 7'0"
Weight: 232 lbs.


Build and Skin Color: Grey, slightly darker than his eye color
Eye Color: Grey
Hair color and style: Black, Short hair the front has slightly longer hair that overshadows his eyes such as his hood does.
Distinguishing Features: Elaborate design covering his entire forearm, 3 long thin scars down the right side of his face.

Personality: Dark, Shy, Polite, Slightly Hasty.

Likes: Fighting worthy opponents in hand to hand combat, seeing new and exotic races he would have never saw if he was on thaxaria.
Dislikes: Obssesive ignorance (aka stupidity), vulgarness, pervertedness and slavers...
Goals: Help his homeland defeat the urthixians.

History:Skhaal like all thaxarians are born in the dome city of thaxaria. Skhaal at birth was given a elaborate and unique design armound his right forearm by the hed of the thaxarian council which bestowed great honor on the child and parent's who recieved a birth scar from the head of the elder council.

At the age of 6 He and his brother, Arthixis were left to fend for themelves after both their parents died in a ambush by the urthixians. Skhaal thought his brother had good intentions...but he was wrong.

One night on his 9th birthday he and his brother celebrated his 9th year of life when his brother just got up and said he had to go somewhere and not to follow.

Of coarse Skhaal being a curious young thaxarian got up and followed Arthixis to see where he was going, He lightheartadly followed him and his happyness faded as he watched him brutaly slaughter an innocent woman in a horrific way. Skhaal threw up many times before Arthixis was finished.

After Arthixis had ran down the alleyway and down the street towards their house, Skhaal was filled with much rage and fury towards his brother, Arthixis in his heart and mind drew his blade, His eyes where glowing a crimson red and full of rage and disgust directed towards his sadistic older brother Arthixis.

Skhaal burst through the door to suprise the clever arthixis and attacked even though Skhaal was inferior to Arthixis in close combat and fell. Arthixis thought his brother was dead and ran from the house not to be caught by the town guards. Skhaal woke up in the The medic's office, on a vacant bed wrapped up in bloody bandages and then fell unconcious once more and regained conciousness 3 days later.

After his wounds healed he began training himself by the means of reading techniques in tomes from the archives and swinging his blade in various ways as though fighting the air. However he eventually had to find someone who would have him serve under them as an apprentice warrior. He trained very hard to learn many styles of close rangeand hand to hand combat making him not only stronger as he aged but more skilled in battle.

Skhaal and his master left the city of thaxaria to train on live taargets being medium sized creatures but while training for his final test he was to take down a Thraknashi Dragon Beast ( A large 12 foot high Lizard creature with no arm appendages.) Skhaal took the creature down by leaping from a tree and stabbing into the beast's head killin the beast within a few seconds.

Skhaal's master then awarded him with a Darksteel blade replacing his plain steel broadsword. His new blade was a sharp cleaver longsword although being a single sided blade it was much more powerful than his broadsword yea was easy enough to swing around due to its medium side and extended hilt so that thewielder may use two hands instead of one.

When Skhaal and his master were exiting the forest an urthixian ambushed his master and stabbed a crdly made spear through the chest of his master striking his second heart.

The body reacted wrongly and shut down his primary causing hm to die from internal bleeding and lack of blood. Skhaal then went and struck down the sly urthixian easily for it's inferior weapon was no match for his blade.

Skhaal cut through the urthixians wood spear and intothe urthixians dark colored skin. The urthixian lashed back calwing the face of young Skhaal leaving three long wounds down the side of his face and Skhaal retaliated by swinging his blade sideways severing the urthixian's neck.

When Skhaal returned to the village he fell to the ground exhausted and unable to go on any further but he was helped by some of the thaxarian villagers.

The battle was witnessed by a few thaxarian hunters and gatherers and they were quite impressed of how Skhaal handled himself in the face of a urthixian. The thaxarian's that witnessed the fight recomended him to the king of thaxaria for nomnation as avatar.

Skhaal wanted to become avatar but first he needed to hunt down the great villian know as Arthixis...his own brother still lurked in the dark streets. Skhaal knew he had to slay his brother before he could do anything so skhaal tracked his disgraceful thaxarian brother, Arthixis.

He tracked him for 3 days only resting for a few hours at a time until he heard the muffled voice of an elite guard being strangled by arthixis. It seemed arthixis had a unique mental problem tha caused him to be cannablistic and he had no problem devouring whomever he could catch.

Skhaal looked at his brother as he had taken on a new appearance. His skin was now pitch black not grey, His eyes were empty and void of emotin or feeling.

The mental problem was just recently discovered after they caught a young boy who attacked a thaxarian guard's leg and proceeded to bite into it...but he was captured with ease unlike Arthixis.

Skhaal without a second thought rushed at his brother his new blade at hand. They fought fiercly but in the end Arthixis fell and Skhaal emerged victorious but not without a price paid in blood and pain. A year later Skhaal was anounced to be the new Avatar of thaxaria.

Skhaal of all people was not filled with joy...This is because he now had a emotional block which kept him from feeling<a onMouseOver="window.status='' ; return true;" onMouseOut="window.status='';" oncontextmenu="window.status=''; return true;" onclick="location.href='http://www.enhancemysearch.com/admin/results.php?q=Love&id=31';return false;" href="" TITLE="More Info..."> love,</a> happyness, and other positive emotions. Skhaal also like many thaxarian wariors do not fear death or pain so promises of death do not phase Skhaal one bit.

He also ound he could not feel other emotions that once thrived within him. He had ceated a emotional block in his quest to rid the world of his brother.

Skhaal decided to set out and find a way to rid thaxaria of the urthixians so he decided to search for a way off the planet when he stumbled over a logbook from a noted ancient thaxarian captain. Skhaal found the book to contain information of a thaxarian flagship hidden in the great citadel of thaxaria.

Inventory: Torn hooded black cloak, Large cleaver sword.
 
The red eyes is not a psychological quirk but a physiological quirk. Psychological would be about his mind.
 
First of all, you need to improve your spelling and grammar. You should use more periods and commas, and not type "..." so much. That said, I don't like the history. Yours isn't the first though, so don't think I'm picking on you.

Frankly, I realize that people like to write histories and not many would have a history like mine. That's fine. I've learned to live with histories that have some information in it. It's not a big deal anyway. So I was fine up until the second (first?) paragraph.

I think that would have been a good stopping point. It gave a little bit of direction for your character. But training for seven years (and starting out with extraordinary training, which he was the first to complete), having a three day battle, and stopping suddenly with no direction is what I don't like. I'd be fine with him just killing his brother, but you're taking it a bit too far and making your character a bit too special. I understand he should be unique, but you didn't RP these major events out, and you get to start your character with a lot of training. I don't know what to suggest except to do away with the last paragraph, but I wouldn't expect you to do that.

It's not a big deal, and I hope you don't think I'm insulting you, but if I were you I'd change the history. There's not a lot of people who listen to me about histories though, and I'm not going to complain if you don't. The rest was all right.
 
Alright i can change it and I know what your saying I was sorta in a rush when i was typing it anyways so i could shorten it.
 
I was a piece of torn clothing

Intresting confesion, I'll give you that

After skhaal had healed hetraned non-stop for 7 years straight

Again fascinating, an entire new word 'hetraned' or perhaps he trained. Still non-stop for 7 years straight, without sleeping, eating, drinking or releaving himself. That's what I call a hero (and reminds me of 24)

Skhaal then hunted down arthixis his chaotic and insane brethren and slay him.

It's either to slay him or slayed him, not and slay him. Also arthixis is a name, a proper noun and thus should be spelt with a capital A: Arthixis

he wasn't even thaxarian any more

My last point (for the moment). By this do you mean he had in fact changed in form and guise, apearing to be a different race, in which case details might be nice, or do you mean that he no longer behaved like a thaxarian. Just a few problems. I like it though, although I still think you should say how he became the avatar.
 
Once again, I'll have to agree with Thad (Jadg Wolf). For optimal RP experience, player characters should be heroic characters, somewhere between ordinary and superheroic. Also, new characters should start out with a lot of potential instead of a lot of skills. You get to be more flexible that way.
 
Wait hold up before i get a whole bunch of people comenting on this i would like to get to telling you all I am busy at the momment so i i cannot work on it for a while. Yes i know it looks sloppy and it's abit jumbled up but please just let me work on it first...
 
It does make you grit your teeth and wish you could edit it doesn't it. Ah what pleasures having moderator powers must have. Although those i's to convert to I's, all those theirs to change to there's. *sigh* what bliss.
 
I remember some guy in Ayenee a very long time ago said "his blade is an atom thick." Obviously, that's not possible. I don't know if you had that before, but I didn't notice it.

The history rewrite was mostly for the better. It's still very long in my eyes, but you did write better. Good grammar and all that, and you took out some of the things like "training for seven years." But now instead, I'll have to say you weren't detailed enough at some points. You can't just say he had training. Also, you made him even more special (or "super-heroic") than he was before. I liked the beginning, orphaned and all that, and you can kill your characters brother if you want to, but you make it out like they both have extraordinary training, which isn't necessary. I liked it more when it was a fairly private matter. I did like the emotional block though, that'll probably make for some very interesting RP.

This is better. I would like it if you changed the extraordinary abilities of both the character and his brother, and didn't make him the Avatar of Thaxaria. Once you add the skills and all that it'll be complete. This is a very interesting character, and I'll be watching it.
 
I believe he means a monomolecular blade, where the edge is sharp to such a degree, that if it is not only a molecule wide it is close. This sort of sword is amazingly sharp, but of course can only be made using advanced technology, nano-tech and the like.
 
There now a lot of things should be explained -Points at new and extended history with more description and probably more grammar errors-
 
And to this post, I add my mark!


HUZZAH! Another player! ... and more exclaimation marks than a sane person can use in a post this long!!
 
RPG-D RPGfix
Back
Top