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Approved Submission Storm Rifle II

Alex Hart

FM of NDC
🎖️ Game Master
Submission URL
https://stararmy.com/wiki/doku.php?id=faction:ndc:guns:bw-har-1a:b_storm_rifle_ii
List Any Unapproved Sub-Articles
Submission Faction(s)
  1. NDC
Submission Terms
  1. I agree
I'm submitting this in lieu of the original creator, who is no longer active on the site. The other FMs and I want to get this in use so it can be added on the upcoming infantry occupation page, and it was originally written up a little under two years ago.

FM approved if that's necessary to say in this case.
 
Last edited by a moderator:
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I will take a look at this one.

Before I even review :

  • The page has incorrectly nested sections. Please reorder your headlines!
 
Hello! Let's see if this submission meets the requirements for inclusion in Star Army's lore...

[ ✅ ] 1. The destination URL should be a page in the appropriate namespace and titled lower_case_with_underscores
[ ❌ ] 2. The article is in the appropriate format and the article template. Is all the information for struct present?
[ ❌ ] 3. The article follows our wiki-style guidelines, including No forced line breaks, text after each section header, etc.
[ ❌ ] 4. The article is easily read and free of errors in spelling and grammar
[ ❌ ] 5. Links to other wiki articles are present as appropriate and are not broken
[ ✅ ] 6. The article fits into the Star Army universe's space opera theme and technology levels.
[ ✅ ] 7. Images in the article are hosted on Star Army's wiki and credited in the OOC section.
[ ✅ ] 8. The article is original and doesn't contain copy-pasted content from other articles.
[ ✅ ] 9. The article complies with Star Army's rules in terms of damage ratings, speed limits, etc.
[ ✅ ] 10. The Faction Manager(s), if applicable, have posted approval for this article in this thread.


The main heading.
  • We need to get away from putting nomenclature, especially alternative nomenclatures in main headings:
  • ======Storm Rifle II======
  • If nomenclature is insisted in the main heading it should be the standard nomenclature.
  • No brackets in the main heading, please.

The article should have a one-sentence explanation at the top under the main heading.​

  • ie. The Storm Rifle II is the successor of the [[faction:ndc:guns:storm_rifle|Storm Rifle]] made by [[corp:bwe:black_wing_enterprises]]. It became available in [[timeline:ye_43]].

The About Sections​

  • The rest of the "top matter" should go under the "About section" - So it goes Main Heading, the one-sentence explanation, followed by the About section.
  • The About section is very long in the tooth, so for readability maybe do: About The Storm Rifle II (Intro) and a History (History and background of the product) subheading (Especially since once the Weapons template is updated it will be made to meet Wes's requirement to have a History section at the top of the article)

General Statistics​

  • Standard Product Nomenclature should be added (If needed we can provide help with that)

Missed Opportunities:​

  • There are a lot of instances of missed linking to other articles. This provides connectivity to the rest of the SARPiverse.

Overall:

  1. I think the readability of the article needs to be improved.
  2. We understand the item is "Not for Civilian Sale", but prices should be assigned to the value of the items is known. (This helps with struct)

Great article, cool art. Just needs a few tweaks to bring it up to standard.
 
I think I've hit most of these, but going through I didn't find a whole lot of additional stuff that actually needed linking. What was there that you thought needed to be linked?

Edit: I'm actually finding any reason, other than OOC balance, that this couldn't be used by normal infantry other than its size. Would that be acceptable or "too powerful"?

I'm not sure whether or not we'd actually want that, but I'm curious.
 
The instances of NDC and Madi's name needs to be fixed from a redlink to [[user:madi_harper]].

Changes look good, ill take another pass after the meeting.
 
I was under the impression that only the first instance of a thing needed to be linked. The New Dusk Conclave is linked at the top of the page. Also, I don't think that Madi ever had a user page and I'm a bit unsure on whether or not it would be proper to make one for a community member who is no longer present. Would it be better to make that plaintext?
 
Yes, that is the minimal requirement, but it looks better if it is linked throughout.

Anyway, I will make my second pass after the meeting.
 
I will take another pass at this tomorrow morning, I took the weekend off to work on a history project.
 
Hello! Let's see if this submission meets the requirements for inclusion in Star Army's lore...

[ ✅ ] 1. The destination URL should be a page in the appropriate namespace and titled lower_case_with_underscores
[ ✅ ] 2. The article is in the appropriate format and the article template. Is all the information for struct present?
[ ✅ ] 3. The article follows our wiki-style guidelines, including No forced line breaks, text after each section header, etc.
[ ✅ ] 4. The article is easily read and free of errors in spelling and grammar
[ ✅ ] 5. Links to other wiki articles are present as appropriate and are not broken
[ ✅ ] 6. The article fits into the Star Army universe's space opera theme and technology levels.
[ ✅ ] 7. Images in the article are hosted on Star Army's wiki and credited in the OOC section.
[ ✅ ] 8. The article is original and doesn't contain copy-pasted content from other articles.
[ ✅ ] 9. The article complies with Star Army's rules in terms of damage ratings, speed limits, etc.
[ ✅ ] 10. The Faction Manager(s), if applicable, have posted approval for this article in this thread.

Approved
 
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