- Submission Faction(s)
- Yamatai (except Elysia)
- Submission Terms
- I agree
For traditional Yamataian bar and comfort food. Much less formal and high concept than Takeda house.
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Approved Submission Tachi's Izakayas, the next fast casual craze from Yugumo Corporation
- Thread starter Yuuki
- Start date
Charmaylarg Dufrain
🎖️ Game Master
I dont like this, It makes me hungry...
OK! Very well written and thought out article and makes me picture a lot of the small and comfy traditional stallcateries i went to when i was in Okinawa.
As for actual continuity or changes here is what is needed:
Whereas
It also states earlier the chef is often an android but later on states in the later quote there that a chef is always a sentient android that is then usually moved to an office job which is worded in a weird way that states that the chef is sentient but also a frequently temporary job since they are moved when they gained sentience.
If you could fix those discrepancies to better word the amount of staff each establishment has or might have it would be acceptable. Its a small continuity thing i know but its part of the job~
Next. There are a couple of minor grammar issues I've taken the liberty of fixing. When i say a couple i mean literally like two to three.
Finally, and this is not required but more observation as the FM has already given his blessing to the article and by extension this subject. The money balancing seems a bit off. 50-120 KS for something is extremely expensive as KS is the most powerful currency in the setting and 30-60k salary is more than an entry officer in the star army makes, and almost twice as much as a nepleslian fleet admiral makes in a year for what the equivalent of a small but popular foodchain provides.
@Yuuki once that one thing is touched up we can bring on the checklist.
OK! Very well written and thought out article and makes me picture a lot of the small and comfy traditional stallcateries i went to when i was in Okinawa.
As for actual continuity or changes here is what is needed:
States that in all establishments there is a single chef/server combo.
Whereas
states that there is a chef, possibly sous' or utility cook, And possibly up to two extra servers.
It also states earlier the chef is often an android but later on states in the later quote there that a chef is always a sentient android that is then usually moved to an office job which is worded in a weird way that states that the chef is sentient but also a frequently temporary job since they are moved when they gained sentience.
If you could fix those discrepancies to better word the amount of staff each establishment has or might have it would be acceptable. Its a small continuity thing i know but its part of the job~
Next. There are a couple of minor grammar issues I've taken the liberty of fixing. When i say a couple i mean literally like two to three.
Finally, and this is not required but more observation as the FM has already given his blessing to the article and by extension this subject. The money balancing seems a bit off. 50-120 KS for something is extremely expensive as KS is the most powerful currency in the setting and 30-60k salary is more than an entry officer in the star army makes, and almost twice as much as a nepleslian fleet admiral makes in a year for what the equivalent of a small but popular foodchain provides.
@Yuuki once that one thing is touched up we can bring on the checklist.
@Charmaylarg Dufrain The inconsistency in the staff section was because I wrote the facilities part before including that section. I removed the inconsistent language from that one. I also scaled back some of the prices so a Santō Hei could afford to eat there more than once or twice a month, and make it more of a daily after-work thing. I peeled back chef's pay very slightly but it was still intentional to have them make as much as a senior NCO or junior officer (Tachi's wants to get that Nitō Juni that runs some battleships galley). I also put in what a sentient assistant cook would make if a location had them.
Charmaylarg Dufrain
🎖️ Game Master
Everything checks out!
[
] 1. The destination URL should be a page in the appropriate namespace and titled lower_case_with_underscores
[ ] 2. The article is in the appropriate format and article template
[ ] 3. The article follows our wiki-style guidelines, including No forced line breaks, text after each section header, etc.
[ ] 4. The article is easily read and free of errors in spelling and grammar
[ ] 5. Links to other wiki articles are present as appropriate and are not broken
[ ] 6. The article fits into the Star Army universe's space opera theme and technology levels
[ ] 7. Images in the article are hosted on Star Army's wiki and sourced responsibly (contact Wes privately if there's a concern)
[ ] 8. The article is original and doesn't contain copy-pasted content from other articles.
[ ] 9. The article complies with Star Army's rules in terms of damage ratings, speed limits, etc.
[ ] 10. The Faction Manager(s), if applicable, have posted approval for this article in this thread.
APPROVED. Please remember to properly back-link any future articles related to this one, And place it on its permenant home on the wiki (IE.
[ ] 1. State clearly that the article is approved in the submission thread
[ ] 2. Move the wiki article to its permanent (destination) location on the wiki
[ ] 3. Move the submission thread to the Approved Submissions subforum or get a moderator to
[ ] 4. Edit the article to add a link to the approval thread in the OOC Notes section
[ ] 5. Remind the submitter to link to the newly-approved page wherever it makes sense to do so.
[
] 1. The destination URL should be a page in the appropriate namespace and titled lower_case_with_underscores[
] 2. The article is in the appropriate format and article template[
] 3. The article follows our wiki-style guidelines, including No forced line breaks, text after each section header, etc.[
] 4. The article is easily read and free of errors in spelling and grammar[
] 5. Links to other wiki articles are present as appropriate and are not broken[
] 6. The article fits into the Star Army universe's space opera theme and technology levels[
] 7. Images in the article are hosted on Star Army's wiki and sourced responsibly (contact Wes privately if there's a concern)[
] 8. The article is original and doesn't contain copy-pasted content from other articles.[
] 9. The article complies with Star Army's rules in terms of damage ratings, speed limits, etc.[
] 10. The Faction Manager(s), if applicable, have posted approval for this article in this thread.APPROVED. Please remember to properly back-link any future articles related to this one, And place it on its permenant home on the wiki (IE.
[
] 1. State clearly that the article is approved in the submission thread[
] 2. Move the wiki article to its permanent (destination) location on the wiki[
] 3. Move the submission thread to the Approved Submissions subforum or get a moderator to[
] 4. Edit the article to add a link to the approval thread in the OOC Notes section[
] 5. Remind the submitter to link to the newly-approved page wherever it makes sense to do so.
