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Approved Submission The Tsumi

IQ

Well-Known Member
Submission URL
https://stararmy.com/wiki/doku.php?id=species:tsumi
List Any Unapproved Sub-Articles
Submission Faction(s)
  1. Neshaten
Submission Terms
  1. I agree
Submission Type: Species
Template Used: Species template

Faction: Neshaten sub-faction
FM Approved Yet? No
Faction requires art? Yes(?) - Species require art nonetheless.

For Reviewers:
Contains Unapproved Sub-Articles? No
Contains New art? No - still looking for artists to at least get one piece done. Also checking and debating my funds regarding.
Previously Submitted? No

Other notes: Better strap in. This is a lengthy one.
 
This suggestion has been implemented. Votes are no longer accepted.
Because this is a sub-faction for the Neshaten, I can't post a review as it would appear biased. The best I can do is give it a looking over (which I've already been doing) and provide advice and suggestions for any fixes.
 
Please do give it a look-over, it’s a huge article I’ll be working on...

Best thing you can help with is to fix all the little grammar derps.
 
I'd like to apologize for the grammar. I try, but yeah, mistakes are made easily in such a big submission, certainly when English isn't my first language. Y'know, the usual.
 
Fixes you need to do:
  • Move each major historical event into its own subarticle.
    • This will help cut down on the sheer size of the page.
  • Move every quote to the top of each subarticle.
    • Ideally detail who these people are.
  • What's the HVI Strain?
  • Ideally make Teryan its own planet article.
  • Ideally make the entire Saweyan faith into its own article. There's a lot of content about it and should probably be its own thing.
 
Fixed the subarticles, listed them in a timeline, this time, don't you forget about those :p

Created a subarticle for the Saweyan church, linked it in a new, small passage I made that explains they have a theocracy and linked Saweyan church there.

Fixed the quotes in both ways requested.

Added the HVI strain under their technology

As for Teryan- I don't think it would matter much, unless it's to explain the Plaguestar further?

https://wiki.stararmy.com/doku.php?id=wip:tsumi:saweyan_church
https://wiki.stararmy.com/doku.php?id=wip:tsumi:binary_blood_war
https://wiki.stararmy.com/doku.php?id=wip:tsumi:simpleton_rebellion
https://wiki.stararmy.com/doku.php?id=wip:tsumi:liberation_wars
https://wiki.stararmy.com/doku.php?id=wip:tsumi:the_ascendance
 
Time to start running through and fixing the little grammar blips that are showing up all over Grammarly...

There's a few redundant statements I'm immediately seeing in the Saweyan church, such as "She granted life to all and watched over the planet. A benevolent diety that watched over all."

The second sentence isn't necessary. Is it fine if I go through and delete the redundancies such as these?
 
Currently proofreading...what's a Karrak?

Will halt proofread progress on Religion; time to jump to another section as this gets solved.
 
May I have a status update on this please, @IQ and @META_mahn? I apologize for not completing my grammar and spelling “look-over” of the articles and sub-articles, IQ - been busy with job-hunting IRL and doing roleplay/plot-related stuff on SARP. >.<
 
Still haven't read up on the new Plague Star planet article yet. Lots of job fair stuff and whatnot.

Though I'd suggest him to put it in the planet template as the homeworld.
 
I've been busy with interviews and jobhunting myself as well. Though, well. I did a good interview yesterday, so I might have a job.

@META_mahn - Elaborate on; 'put it in the planet template as the homeworld'?

I've been doing the requested changes, such as a Tsumi physical sheet, a page on Teryan AKA the Plaguestar- and I'm busy myself on fixing some mistakes even I can spot :)
 
Every group needs a homeworld for history purposes. Basically it just goes on their Race page in the information tables or whatever.
 
So-... Plaguestar / Teryan in there, with a certain planet template I can't seem to find for the life of me?
 
RPG-D RPGfix
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