Approved Submission Winsonville

[Kim]

Submission Type: Setting Location / History
Template Used: N/A
Submission WIP URL: https://stararmy.com/wiki/doku.php?id=wip:location:winsonville
Submission Destination URL: https://stararmy.com/wiki/doku.php?id=location:winsonville

Faction: Yamatai
FM Approved Yet? No, @Wes - I got the permission to generate the article, he has not read it yet.
Faction requires art? No

For Reviewers:
Contains Unapproved Sub-Articles? No
Contains New art? No
Previously Submitted? No.

Notes: ICly this city was referenced in a handful of posts in the aftermath of the YSS Miharu's plotline after the Battle of Yamatai as one of the cities that were decimated by falling NMX wreckage and suffered from food shortages.

 

[Ametheliana]

Please put culture higher up in the article.

Please quote the RP in the way done in this example.

The first header should have a sentence to a paragraph, not multiple paragraphs and quotes. Please put the majority of the Winsonville header into something like a More About Winsonville header.

"The Battle of Yamatai, where the First Expeditionary Fleet clashed in a massive battle against the NMX fleet overhead had the entire planet on edge." This is not a complete sentence.

"The managed to evacuate most..." They not the.

"...rioting as the city struggled to rebuild as citizens were distributed old NMX Field Rations, Type 31, which were rumored to be Neko meat based." You might want to change that second as to an and.

"The population never fully recovered and the population dwindled as Yamataians relocated to other parts of Yamatai, cutting the city’s population in half." It could be a good idea to find a new word for population.

"No one know when the practice started..." Knew or knows is right, but not know.

"If they of the Agarorn clan..." You missed the word are between they and of.

Thank you.

 

[Kim]

All righty. Made all the fixes. I got a bit of tunnel vision when I was writing the article at work.

 

[Wes]

Approved.