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Approved Submission [Yamatai] Shibui Powered Suit

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Ametheliana

Sensei
Staff Member
Submissions Reviewer
FM of Nepleslia
FM of the Iromakuanhe
Game Master
Submission Type: Powered Suit
Template Used: Power Armor Template
Submission WIP URL: https://stararmy.com/wiki/doku.php?id=wip:stararmy:equipment:shibui_powered_suit
Submission Destination URL: https://stararmy.com/wiki/doku.php?id=stararmy:equipment:shibui_powered_suit

Faction: Yamatai
FM Approved Yet? No @Wes
Faction requires art? No

For Reviewers:
Contains Unapproved Sub-Articles? No
Contains New art? Yes
Previously Submitted? No

Notes:
I took the suggestions of the community where appropriate and applied them to this buckerino.

I'd let Wes say something before a mod looks at it tbh.
 
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Zack

Well-Known Member
Are there shields or not? If it is just the energy cloak then you may want to move the cloak two it’s own header rather than nesting it under shields, then remove shields entirely.

Also, are we getting rid of the ‘no shields unless you’re wearing some armor’ rule? I’m totally for that since SARP’s volumetrics tech is already super widespread.
 

Wes

Founder & Admin
Staff Member
FM of Yamatai
Game Master
STO Fleet Member
FM approved.

Suggestion: Move the history section up to near the start.
 

club24

Everything Is Magical
FM of Neshaten
Game Master
If i may make a couple more suggestions as a community member

The mobility section lists the devices it uses relevant to its mobility but could probably use expanding to give a brief description on if:
- it boosts speed or not
- boosts strength relative to agility based actions (like getting gud front flips)

Also just a reading thing that stuck out to me like a glowing weapoint, thanks english class, in the controlling the suit section it becomes semi future tense which ultimately is spooky in wiki articles.
Current: user movement is how the use will control...
Suggested: user movement is how the user controlls...
This should fit nicely in place of the original if you decide to use it ^^
 

Ametheliana

Sensei
Staff Member
Submissions Reviewer
FM of Nepleslia
FM of the Iromakuanhe
Game Master
I took those things into account besides the agility boost, which is not relevant to this suit as it does not boost strength.

Thank you for FM approval, Wes.

Now I think it is ready for @META_mahn to come back and take a look.
 

Wes

Founder & Admin
Staff Member
FM of Yamatai
Game Master
STO Fleet Member
Where's the checklist?
 

META_mahn

FM of Elysia
This review is for: Shibui Powered Suit

The submitted article is/has…
[ Yes ] A very high level of overall quality
[ Yes ] A general topic sentence under the title header
[ Yes ] Artwork (Required for new species; Strongly recommended for vehicles and hand weapons)\\
[ Yes ] Needed and/or useful to the setting

  • Useful for bodyguard purposes.
[ Yes ] In the proper format/template
[ Yes ] Proofread for spelling and grammar

[ Somewhat ] Easy to read and understand (not a lengthy mass of technobabble)
  • Oh god the equipping process. Can it be any shorter?
[ Yes ] Wikified (terms that could be a link should be a link)
[ Yes ] No red and/or broken links
[ Yes ] Reasonably scientifically plausible
[ Yes ] Reasonably neutral point of view


The submitted article is/does not…
[ No ] Overpowered (or cutting tech for a faction with little or no roleplay)
[ No ] Obtusely redundant
[ No ] Contain copy pasta descriptions of systems or interior compartments
[ No ] Unauthorized by faction managers or player-controlled corporation
[ No ] Contain references to IC events that have not occurred (SM must authorize retcons)
[ No ] Use second-person language (“you” or “your”) unless it is an instructional guide aimed at players.
[ No ] Use bombastic language (“virtually immune,” “nearly indestructible,” “insanely powerful,” “horrible effects”)
[ No ] Use an unbalanced header/text ratio (many headers but sections are one-liners)
[ No ] Use major unapproved sub-articles that should be submitted separately
[ No ] Lacking Detail
[ No ] Images hosted on sites other than stararmy.com (Photobucket, Imageshack, etc are not allowed)


The article has…
[ No ] Speeds in compliance with the Starship Speed Standard, if applicable
  • What's the speed?
[ No ] Damage Capacity and Damage Ratings in compliance with the DR Guidelines
  • What's the armor tier?
    • If there's no armor tier, just write down Armor Tier 0 (Shield Tier whatever)
[ Yes ] The in-character year of creation/manufacture. (Should be current year. Future years not allowed).
[ No ] The Standard Product Nomenclature System, if applicable.
  • Try to put in a nomenclature.


Summary
Mostly DR issues.

Status: Approved

Notes


I intend to finish this review by: (6/8/2018)
 
Last edited:

Wes

Founder & Admin
Staff Member
FM of Yamatai
Game Master
STO Fleet Member
What do you mean? It's only got 1 paragraph of any length in the equipping section.
 

META_mahn

FM of Elysia
It isn’t an issue that’ll hold up approval, but it isn’t simple either, like a “basically hop in a Mindy.” It would be nice to shorten it but if that’s as far as it can go it’ll have to do.
 

Ametheliana

Sensei
Staff Member
Submissions Reviewer
FM of Nepleslia
FM of the Iromakuanhe
Game Master
The Mindy article has about four paragraphs for getting in and out.

I also am thinking of giving it a Tier 2 rating as it is made of really nice materials and has a photonics array. Would that be an issue?

Speeds would look like:
Maximum atmospheric speed (For earth-like worlds): 1500 kph (9321 mph), Mach 1.40 at sea level
Maximum space speed: .35c - Software-limited to 10 G acceleration

I just dumbed down what the same engines do on the Mindy and did maths.

Wes would this work for nomenclature:
Ke-S1-01
 

META_mahn

FM of Elysia
Alright then, that's fine for the in-and-out.

Everything else looks okay. You're not asking for it to be a little more defensive in the shield department?
 

Soresu

FM of the Iromakuanhe
Since I'm just now checking this out, and seeing Iromakuanhe Clothblades being used, it has my thumbs up for their usage in the Shibui. Just putting that out there just in case.
 

Ametheliana

Sensei
Staff Member
Submissions Reviewer
FM of Nepleslia
FM of the Iromakuanhe
Game Master
I would just be adding that it has a DRv3 Tier of 2. Are you saying I should go to 3?

Thanks Soresu.

There was RP describing the XO going and seeking out Clothblades with crew at some point before these were made.
 

META_mahn

FM of Elysia
I mean, it would be nice for a Shibui to be able to stop some higher-caliber rounds. It makes sense (to me, at least.)

It would fit the role it's given.
 
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