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Approved Submission [Yamatai] Star Army Reconnaissance

Ethereal

Ethereal

Banned Member
Submission URL
https://stararmy.com/wiki/doku.php?id=stararmy:occupations:recon
Submission Type: Occupation
Template Used: N/A

Faction:
FM Approved Yet? No @Wes
Faction requires art? ???

For Reviewers:
Contains Unapproved Sub-Articles? No
Contains New art? No
Previously Submitted? No

Notes:
Your boy back at it again with the corps/occupation content for the yammos. You thought the MP was me done, boy howdy, have a discussion link https://stararmy.com/roleplay-forum/threads/yamatai-star-army-reconnaissance.62240/.

Enter Star Army Reconnaissance, aka. Recon. Their members are called Star Army Scouts for simplicity's sake right now, or just Recon. The occupation revolves around sustained periods in small groups in hostile territory where remaining undetected is a major factor. Sustained direct observation in hostile territory, self-support, harassment and psyching out the enemy are some of the goals of this corps. If you want to sit on a hill with stripped down gear watching a position for long periods of time this is your job.
 
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Looks good, @Ethereal. Might I suggest adding in some sort of equipment list or an indication what kind of armour they use?

Other than that, I think it can be approved. Only @Wes can FM approve it, though.
 
Y'know what I'll nab this one. Gimme a bit to get in the mood to start a new review (or maybe, out of the mood to not start a review) and I'll get right on it >v>
 
Thanky Arbs and cheers for the tip Yoerik!

I'll get working on an equipment list right away, it'll probably include outdated or perhaps even non-yamatai-produced items because travelling light and staying mobile is a big part of their job. When they need to move they need to haul ass :p
 
Why is their symbol an outline of an eye when that is the major feature of the SAINT crest?
fetch.php
 
Yeah, it seems like you took all of the SAINT references out and then decided to throw one back in just 'cause...
 
It would be like putting a diamond on the sleeve of scientists, to me.
 
This review is for: YSA Recon

The submitted article is/has…
[Y] A very high level of overall quality
[Y] A general topic sentence under the title header
[N] Artwork (Required for new species; Strongly recommended for vehicles and hand weapons)\\
[Useful] Needed and/or useful to the setting
[Y] In the proper format/template
[Y] Proofread for spelling and grammar
[Y] Easy to read and understand (not a lengthy mass of technobabble)
[Not Quite] Wikified (terms that could be a link should be a link)
[Nope] No red and/or broken links
[It's hard to not be plausible] Reasonably scientifically plausible
[Y] Reasonably neutral point of view

The submitted article is/does not…
[N] Overpowered (or cutting tech for a faction with little or no roleplay)
[Nah] Obtusely redundant
[Nada] Contain copy pasta descriptions of systems or interior compartments
[Nope!] Unauthorized by faction managers or player-controlled corporation
[N] Contain references to IC events that have not occurred (SM must authorize retcons)
[*shakes head*] Use second-person language (“you” or “your”) unless it is an instructional guide aimed at players.
[Nope] Use bombastic language (“virtually immune,” “nearly indestructible,” “insanely powerful,” “horrible effects”)
[N] Use an unbalanced header/text ratio (many headers but sections are one-liners)
[N] Use major unapproved sub-articles that should be submitted separately
[N] Lacking Detail
[N/A] Images hosted on sites other than stararmy.com (Photobucket, Imageshack, etc are not allowed)

The article has…
[N/A] Speeds in compliance with the Starship Speed Standard, if applicable
[N/A] Damage Capacity and Damage Ratings in compliance with the DR Guidelines
[Y] The in-character year of creation/manufacture. (Should be current year. Future years not allowed).
[N/A] The Standard Product Nomenclature System, if applicable.


Summary
Note here if any serious issues are present. These are the issues that will hold up approval.
The only significant issue that seems to have risen is the discussion of the symbol; I believe that will be resolved soon, though.

Can you try to make a couple more links around the article please, especially for people like me who aren't involved in the military and/or don't know what a "esprit de corps " is/means? (Sometimes people have linked to Wikipedia or other external sources for stuff like that.)

Status: Pending

Notes
For the bit about skills, may I suggest formatting the skills themselves with something such as an underline so they stand out a bit more? It just looks neater in general~

Some sentences don't play nice when read aloud, usually by running on a little bit; one in particular ("If needed, they are expected to make a stand to the last man to buy time for the main force, casualty rates in Recon are higher than many other occupations.") probably should be turned into two complete sentences, for example.

I intend to finish this review by: June 15th, 2018
 
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@Ethereal I do agree that the symbol is kinda cutting close to SAINT. I looked up some RL examples and most of the ones I found are based on a skull but some had an animal as their symbol. Perhaps an owl might reflect their purpose well? Then you get two big eyes. A good way to one up SAINT!
 
Wes said:
SAINT will probably use this occupation as heavily, if not more so, than the regular forces.
Click to expand...
I don't understand why they would. SAINT operatives already cover everything this occupation does and it's clearly intended to be a Rikugun-centric alternative to using SAINT operatives.
 
Oh my lord I literally just picked the eye idea from midair I didn't realise it was that close to SAINT haha! Sorry about that ^^" great minds think alike. An owl actually sounds pretty cool @Rizzo, or some sort of bird of prey :3

@Ametheliana I might be wrong and I'm trying to find the messages but I think I asked Cyan regarding that when she left the time with the splinter and there was some conversation about it. I'll credit her regardless since I can't find exactly her intentions.

It's not quite like putting a diamond on the sleeve of scientists given they have their own set of colours. IRL groups like Rangers etc bear specialisation ribbons on their arms, exactly like this. It's one step short of giving them their own colours, which Cyan wanted but I don't think is needed.

@raz I hope giving the discussion thread a quick read helps you grasp my intentions more. As I've said more than a few times SAINT operatives are like crack teams, SEALs and the like. You don't want to waste them scattering them disjointedly across a line, cut off from the central network at any point or sat on a hill unmoving for days at a time. It'd be like getting the world's strongest man to help you move out alone, he's got better places to be with his skills and perhaps having a few less specialised people might get more done?

@Arbitrated I'll get to work on those improvements ^^

If anyone's got any more questions that can't be answered by the discussion thread feel free to ask. I'm glad this article is getting a lot of positive vibes :)

P.S. Some of these posts read like a post has been deleted but I missed that if there was.. ><
 
That's cool you realized it was too similar to the eye.

Adding Immortal is super helpful, too.
 
I suppose the occupation would fall under the infantry corps, though I could make a detailed article in addition to this about training etc if that's not the case.

Thanks for the approval guys :)
 
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