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Approved Character [YSS Sakura II] Lucii Fuure - (Autorifleman)

SirSkully

SirSkully

🦊 FM of Neshaten
🦾 FM of Nepleslia
🎖️ Game Master
Obviously cheesy names aside, here she is @Toshiro

Side note: I've never made an Iroma before but I read up and combined that with things I've heard so let me know what I've got to change about it (I imagine there is at least one thing)
 
Very nice start, but her history is quite sparse. What was her home life like? What really made her join the army? It's a big jump to go from "I want to move out to a place I don't know everyone" and "I'm going to become a soldier for a different nation than my own".

While it's not something to reject over, and the character has a lot of potential, I was hoping you could flesh her history out a bit more.

All that being said, her personality and such seems to be very well developed, which I like to see.
 
It is a slight improvement that resolves some of my questions, but you don't mention anything about her family at all...did you want to avoid that for some reason?
 
Her skin color will need changing as pale blue is not seen in Cohronl Iromakuanhe.

Also, explain the process where she, "...spliced a little something something into her genes..." By linking to the article for whichever Iromakuanhe gene thing you are talking about (there are 2ish, I can link you if need be) and which procedure she got done.
 
I'm also not willing to have "ports being adapted to be compatible with Yamataian technology." and would like to have this removed or @Soresu and I are going to need to do some faction planning.
 
OKAY SO

I can fluff up the family side a bit more but I seriously could use some sleep right now so I'll do that a bit later @Toshiro

The gene thing I took inspiration from Burg's Hana character and assumed there was a wide variety of gene mods available, apologies I guess? but a link would be nice @Ametheliana

The ports thing was also taken from Burg's Hana character, something that you Approved @Ametheliana


for now I sleep
 
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I guess I forgot I did that or overlooked? Regardless, I do want to talk to Soresu to make sure I asked him about that, I guess.
 
I am going to make a wiki page for this process after checking with Soresu. Keep the plugs plugging in to Yam equipment and we can link it later.

Her skin does need changing away from blue, which is not seen in Cohronl.

I also checked Burg's char's profile and he says what he had changed: "Hence, he went through with various enhancements, such as changing the color of his sclera and irises, and the inclusion of red ring tattoos on his forearms." This is more what I am looking for, here, because it is specific about what changed.

https://wiki.stararmy.com/doku.php?id=faction:iromakuanhe:somatic_tuning

https://wiki.stararmy.com/doku.php?id=faction:iromakuanhe:symbiotics
 
I added a bit about the genetic thingo, a repigmentation and alteration of muscle structure which are both listed on the somatic tuning page

I did a bit about her family but I'll need to do a little bit of restructuring of that section and add more, something I will do tomorrow
 
Cool, everything seems cool now, like skin pigmentation modification and etc.

Since you will be reshuffling history, something you can add is in bold/italics:
"...so Lucii packed her bags, left the Astral Cluster/Iruotl System, and began making her way closer..."

Probably choose one or phrase it better, but I hope that helps!! This character has a really nice palette and I can't wait to see more Iroma/SAoY action!!
 
I am now fine with the history and the character, but I defer final approval to Ame in that I am not as familiar with the nuances of Iroma physiology and history.
 
Well the last thing I asked for didn't happen on the page, but I don't really mind as I believe GM approval trumps what I need, in this case. Your story/plot doesn't super need a reference to a "dagger" standard white main star in this character's history, does it, Toshiro? I think we're good if Toshiro's good.
 
Wonderful! Nothing needs to be added for approval. I already moved it, too.
 
Oh uh, guess I don't need to add the things then >.>
Sorry if the backstory isn't exactly up to scratch, I kinda rushed when I threw the character together - will go do the request for orders soon ^^
 
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