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Rejected Submission Zakkiora

Zekec

Zekec

Inactive Member
Submission Type: Species
Template Used: Species Template (I believe? Has been ages ago)
Submission WIP URL: https://wiki.stararmy.com/doku.php?id=wip:species:zakkiora
Submission Destination URL: https://wiki.stararmy.com/doku.php?id=species:zakkiora

Faction: Independent(For now, Planned to join Union)
FM Approved Yet? Yes; @Zekec, right now
Faction requires art? Yes

For Reviewers:
Contains Unapproved Sub-Articles? No
Contains New art? Yes
Previously Submitted? No

Notes: Yes, I know my grammar is not very good, haha. I apologize for that. I did not know what much to put for history, economy and technology, since they are a primitive species, but I will consider all suggestions!

Just going to ping @CadetNewb
 
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For now, I'll overlook the grammar, revisiting it later once the formatting and content of the article itself is dealt with.
  • With the opening sentence, try summarizing what the species itself is, rather than where they live. In this case, I suggest that you make mention that they're egg laying, feathered mammals or some such.
  • Fix the title a bit. The part where it says 'Species Name' is where you were supposed to replace with the actual name
  • Since the history is short, just get rid of the subheaders. I'm referring to "The Beginning", "Tribes" and "Present Day". If there was a lot more, I'd tell you to use them, but as it is, there isn't much, so using them isn't recommended.
  • Go ahead and integrate the lifespan into the spot under "Life Cycle"; you can include a few additional details there if you want, rather than having it only be one sentence.
  • Take the various groups of Zakk and put them into their own subsection, perhaps labeled "Ethnicities" or something like that
 
Other than what Cadet said I also noticed there's no text under the History heading, Culture heading, or Language sub-heading. Really the main issue I see is a large amount of headers, some of which have little to no text beneath them.
 
I can work with Zekec on this submission, as well.
 
Beneath History and Culture, add content before the next subheaders.
 
The submitter hasn't replied since the original post, and considering the time since their last login, I'm going to move this to REJECTED to keep things tidy. Naturally, this species can be resubmitted again without any negatives.
 
RPG-D RPGfix
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