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Approved Submission Kotoku System update

Bullroarer

Bullroarer

Inactive Member
Submission Type: system
Template Used: https://wiki.stararmy.com/doku.php?id=templates:star_system
Submission WIP URL: https://wiki.stararmy.com/doku.php?id=wip:system:kotoku
Submission Destination URL: https://wiki.stararmy.com/doku.php?id=system:kotoku

Faction: Asteria
FM Approved Yet? (Yes/No; Who, When)
Faction requires art? (Yes/No)

For Reviewers:
Contains Unapproved Sub-Articles? (Yes/No) Kotoku I (also needs approving)
Contains New art? (Yes/No) no
Previously Submitted? (Yes/No; explain reason if rejected) Initially Added by Wes on 04, 16 2014 at 16:01.

Notes:
 
Last edited:
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Okay, I understand. Same goes for my review of the system ^-^
 
FM Questions/Observations:
  • The station that was there at YE 34, that he installed. It's his personal demesne? Is it his capital? If he hid it and waited out the various wars/national changes, shouldn't the station be named (and be somewhat legendary)?
  • (Nitpicking): Can you break up the "The New Dukedom" paragraph? Wall of texts are hard to read.
  • (Lore): Peerage is conveyed through "prowess" - the Duke was recognized by the Mikado. Fun fact; the marriage thing you mention here might make sense, considering the lifespan of elves (it would be a long term clan/house alliance), but they wouldn't necessarily gain rank from there. Probably favors though. Might be fun to explore.
  • (Definition): mollified the citizens of Kotoku I, who now felt the duke would hear their need" (Do you mean "Unified"? Freudian slip because of polygamy? This Duke dude gets AROUND amirite).
Beyond those things, as a system article, I can say that the content here is generally in keeping with what I understand to be what's necessary for the Baba Yaga plot to utilize it.

Go nuts. FM Approval.
 
@Gallant

  • It is his personal...demesne. Named Gateway. Installed AFTER the second mishu war. not his capital.
  • "The New Dukedom" has been broken into more distinct paragraphs with headers.
  • "prowess" at cooking, then also at pacifying the local populace.
  • mollified was the intended word.
 
Thank you!!! Please check out the following:

Okay... I adjusted some things on the planet article. What I adjusted is in the old revisions notes.

System article needs much more BEEF. We can DM about where and what if you need to.

You reference this:
Kotoku officially became part of the Lorath Matriarchy in YE 36 as part of negotiations for a peace treaty1).

The 1) links to YE 38 conference, not the one in YE 36
 
Remember what I did with II where I added a sentence between the planet's header and the bullet point list?

"II

This planet with the monicker, II, is a rocky planet with a gravity a little near but above earth's gravity. It has planetary rings.

Rock Planet "

((colored text is my addition))

I need you to add that kind of sentence to every planet header.

PS- LOVE all the specifics on the ancient aliens tbh
 
I went ahead and added the words "FIX ME" in yellow where sentences need to be added.
 
RPG-D RPGfix
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