What's new
  • If you were supposed to get an email from the forum but didn't (e.g. to verify your account for registration), email Wes at [email protected] or talk to me on Discord for help. Sometimes the server hits our limit of emails we can send per hour.
  • Get in our Discord chat! Discord.gg/stararmy
  • 📅 May and June 2024 are YE 46.4 in the RP.

Approved Submission [Kuvexia] Colluctance Martial Art

Ametheliana

Ametheliana

Head in the Stars
Staff Member
🌟 Site Supporter
🌸 FM of Yamatai
🎖️ Game Master
Submission Type: Martial Art @Reynolds
Submission URL: https://wiki.stararmy.com/doku.php?id=wip:faction:kuvexia:martial_art:colluctance
UPDATED URL: https://wiki.stararmy.com/doku.php?id=faction:kuvexia:martial_art:colluctance

Faction: Kuvexia
FM Approved Yet? No @Wes
Faction requires art? No

For Reviewers:
Contains Unapproved Sub-Articles? No...
Contains New art? No
Previously Submitted? No

Notes:
This is just a reference for something that will likely appear outside of Kaiyō so why not share it?
@META_mahn @Arbitrated @Fred
 
Last edited:
Upvote 0 Downvote
This suggestion has been implemented. Votes are no longer accepted.
Imma try my hand at reviewing it over the next week or so, if I'm going a bit slow another reviewer is like 100% clear to just take over for me ^^

(I'll take a look at it tomorrow, but I do wonder what Reynolds has in relation with this o .o)
 
There's like three or four other Martial Arts I need to add to that page, too. I've fallen behind. I'll bookmark it next to the others for when I have the time, though (once it is approved).

Just taking a glance, that wikipedia link doesn't seem to work. There's a wicktionary article for that word, maybe that's what you meant?
 
Gonna start trying my hand at some reviewing so maybe one day I can be NTSE. Gives you a little feedback before Arbs gets around to this :p

"They have Kuvexian Military Footwear" should be "Practitioners use Kuvexian Military Footwear " - you never specified anyone to be "They".

Who decides who's a Auroppai? You mentioned that they gain it when they reach a certain point and also that they're 'designated' - is there a test or appointer of some sort in that case if they're designated?

"..the Kuvexian armored or unarmored that knows this martial art is a threat.." seems redundant

"..lasts for several opponents' worth of minutes.." please elaborate? Does this mean it is taking several minutes to kill one opponent? Does it mean you're taking out several opponents in a few minutes?
 
Last edited:
"They have Kuvexian Military Footwear" should be "Practitioners use Kuvexian Military Footwear " - you never specified anyone to be "They".
OK, I did now.

Who decides who's a Auroppai? You mentioned that they gain it when they reach a certain point and also that they're 'designated' - is there a test or appointer of some sort in that case if they're designated?
Added:
The rituals of the Auroppai are never torturous save for the final test of will called the Laog that entails pouring gold on the fingernails. The rest of the rituals are mild in nature, though they are taxing on the body for hours on end and are watched over by other Auroppai, usually those in the area.

"..the Kuvexian armored or unarmored that knows this martial art is a threat.." seems redundant
Keeping it.

"..lasts for several opponents' worth of minutes.." please elaborate? Does this mean it is taking several minutes to kill one opponent? Does it mean you're taking out several opponents in a few minutes?
It means the latter statement you made and I added:
...because the moves entail taking down several opponents swiftly through what the other forms have taught.
 
This review is for: (the)Colluctance Martial Art

The submitted article is/has…
[Y ] A very high level of overall quality
[Y ] A general topic sentence under the title header
[ N] Artwork (Required for new species; Strongly recommended for vehicles and hand weapons)
[ YYY] Needed and/or useful to the setting
[Y ] In the proper format/template
[ Y] Proofread for spelling and grammar
[ ] Easy to read and understand (not a lengthy mass of technobabble)
[Y ] Wikified (terms that could be a link should be a link)
[ Y] No red and/or broken links
[ Y] Reasonably scientifically plausible
[ Y] Reasonably neutral point of view

The submitted article is/does not…
[N ] Overpowered (or cutting tech for a faction with little or no roleplay)
[N ] Obtusely redundant
[ N] Contain copy pasta descriptions of systems or interior compartments
[ N] Unauthorized by faction managers or player-controlled corporation @Wes
[ N] Contain references to IC events that have not occurred (SM must authorize retcons)
[ N] Use second-person language (“you” or “your”) unless it is an instructional guide aimed at players.
[N ] Use bombastic language (“virtually immune,” “nearly indestructible,” “insanely powerful,” “horrible effects”)
[ N] Use an unbalanced header/text ratio (many headers but sections are one-liners)
[ N] Use major unapproved sub-articles that should be submitted separately
[ N] Lacking Detail
[N ] Images hosted on sites other than stararmy.com (Photobucket, Imageshack, etc are not allowed)

The article has…
[ N] Speeds in compliance with the Starship Speed Standard, if applicable
[ N] Damage Capacity and Damage Ratings in compliance with the DR Guidelines
[ N] The in-character year of creation/manufacture. (Should be current year. Future years not allowed).
[ N] The Standard Product Nomenclature System, if applicable.


Summary
A bit of a grammar bug in the first sentence, "...this martial art of the kuvexian species..." is an incomplete sentence. (This is a martial art would complete it, or perhaps adding a bit onto the end of the sentence describing its specialty?)

The history section is kind of confusingly worded-is there one distinct origin or is the origin ambiguous?

Status: Pending



I intend to finish this review by: Wednesday if not earlier.
 
Changed History sentence middle to:

"...stems from ambiguity, which alone is what..."

Fixed grammar

Thanks Arbs anything else?
 
I think so... maybe history might need a bit more? Idk for sure...


Basically, all martial arts start in an ambiguous way? How'd they like, become a more common practice? Since some of the rites are being observed by other practitioners they must have had a way to organize themselves to actually get the martial art to like, actually become a thing rather than being 1-2 dudes only who know of it.


I guess maybe put theorized origins for it, or a possible reason it became at least as popular as it is?
 
Added:
Known history of the martial art does not tell of the primal beginnings of the ancient art in which Kuvexians used their bodies as traps in which animals are sprung into. The choking and gripping with suction cups became something done not alone to hunt and kill but was practiced away from the hunt in camps. Soon the practice methods began to become shared and understood throughout different communities and within hundreds of years, specific move sets known as forms had been created. A thousand years later and the first established monastery-like structure was built and lived in and the ways of the martial art were formally taught there. It is the foremost place that Colluctance is taught to this day. It entered main stream fighting and defense throughout Kuvexian space years ago and remains the foremost martial art of the Kuvexians.
 
Sorry on the delay whoops! One last thing I think for tweaking and we're good for approval, this sentence: "Known history of the martial art does not tell of the primal beginnings of the ancient art in which Kuvexians used their bodies as traps that animals were often sprung into."

Change the last part to something less... of a mouthful, I guess? Maybe to "...used their bodies as traps for animals while hunting."?

That's not a thing really holding the submission up actually, officially I APPROVE the use of this martial art in the RP.


We still need the approval from @Wes however.
 
RPG-D RPGfix
Back
Top