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[Neshaten] Character Creation Guide

Kyle

Kyle

Insane Story Writer Foxy
Inactive Member
Submission Type: Creation Guide for Characters
Submission URL: https://wiki.stararmy.com/doku.php?id=gu ... _character

Faction: Kingdom of Neshaten
FM Approved Yet? Yes, me!

For Reviewers:
Contains Unapproved Sub-Articles? No
Previously Submitted? No

Notes:

The character creation guide for the Neshaten, I do believe I've put as much information as needed for people to create their characters. If not, please let me know so I may edit it and put in the missing details.
 
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Spelling errors (Lots) and punctuation....

quadrupedal not quadropledic

So chosing which ... So choosing which

than thier first .... than their first

who is incharge of ... who is in charge of

to seperate the ... to separate the

race possess two sub-races .... race possesses two sub-races

so they aren't entirely ... so they are not entirely

Shukaren-Laibe
Weight - weight is between one hundred and one twenty five. Females are in the eighty to ninety range. < what unit of measure, Kilograms, Pounds, Stones....

Shukaren-Duar
NO mention of weight at all.


does 'not' includ the tail .... does 'not' include the tail

color as the body, the tip is bushy .... color as the body; the tip is bushy

This includs the toe. ... This includes the toe.

amount of similaries, ... amount of similarities,

hand, don't feel any real ... hand, do not feel any real

quirks than an adult, however, this ... quirks than an adult; however, this

fox-like ears, the color ... fox-like ears; the color

Volunteer Mliitary ... Volunteer Military

, it doesn't matter .... , it does not matter

Skills section, do you have "Boiler plate skills written somewhere?"

What about starting equipment.

History? Likes, Dislikes, any common personality traits....
 
Made those fixes, and additions and changes. However, there are now red links on the page in the inventory area for items that I have yet to put up on the wiki.

I already know this means that the CCG can't be approved until after I've gotten 'those' items approved, so I'll work on those today.
 
The main page looks good. But its going to take me another day to go through all the sub pages.
 
ok, everything looks good except for the Energy Bow, I would suggest making three separate sub pages one for each model of the bow.

But my biggest concern are:

This is an energy weapon, and as such it does not have ammunition. It uses power to generate what it fires. So you should rename the Ammunition page to just reflect that it describes the nature of the bolts.

Second, you have ranges that are beyond line of sight, more than 140 miles.

Problem:
The weapon does not explain what kind of energy the 'bolt' is formed out of and how it keeps its shape.

It is a construct of pure energy. As such it will travel in a straight line. So trying to fire beyond the horizon just won't happen. The bolt will streak straight out until either its containment field (whatever it has) runs out, or it hits something.
 
Made some of the changes, but why make three sub-pages when all they'll really contain is a single paragraph? I don't have a problem doign that of course, I'm just curious is all.
 
You could put more than a single paragraph, for example see the EM-K4 Zephyr, the main page has all the common stuff. Then there are separate pages for the Consumer vs Police

Reason is it allows linking to the specific weapon, and the linked page has the specs for that object only.
 
RPG-D RPGfix
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