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Approved Submission [Species] Valsh'Nar Empire

Riko

Riko

Part Time Llama, Full Time Dude
Inactive Member
Submission Type: Species (multiple technically)
Submission URL:
https://wiki.stararmy.com/doku.php?id=valsh_nar_empire

Faction: None
FM Approved Yet? No
Faction requires art? Yes

For Reviewers:
Contains Unapproved Sub-Articles? Yes
Contains New art? oNo
Previously Submitted? No

Notes:

Finally getting around to submitting this, not 100% complete though getting close. Wanted some feedback on these guys and improvements because I know there needs to be a few.

The Valsh'Nar Empire is designed to be a hostile fraction ( I say fraction as in group of things not necessarily needing a FM or anything) for players to fight against and potentially be a bigger threat on the over all stage maybe, just kind of an idea. The VNE is a more sophisticated and cohesive fighting force than some other insectoid races and also have a higher bit of technology as well (and maybe top hats as opposed to trucker hats). Any Further explanations I will gladly answer during critiquing.
 
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Review in Progress

But a few things first, one is that there should be no red-links. Two, these are informational pages thus you need to put in the information for when the government was established and a rough estimate of its population (doesn't need to be exact)
 
Riko, you still haven't done anything about the red links in your article.
 
@Riko - To try and keep things moving, I suggest that you just set up an empty dummy page for the red links for the time being, or just say you've taken note and will address the red links later.
 
Ok after much delay, there should be no more red links, though the links in question still need to be fleshed out more they have a skeleton page up with bare minimums
 
Just doing a resuscitating post here seeing as its at the 15 day mark.
 
Nudges @Kyle

I'm quite sorry for this wait. If the article's sat for a bit @Riko , it's ok to wave your arms a bit. Grabbing the person reviewing it via PM or IRC is perfectly acceptable so long as it's within reason, since things being reviewed can easily end up being missed by accident if there's several things out there, and if the thread isn't watched.

Since this is an antagonist/enemy faction, and a small one as you point out, we can try just having the article be as simple as it is. I'm toying around with the idea myself given the precedent set by some other antagonist factions which came before this one, since I'm more used to reviewing player species. I'm not sure what Kyle thinks of this though - I'm only acting as his Number One here if needed. If he feels that won't cut it however, you'll likely have to divide this article up into more sub-articles for the species itself (anatomy/physiology, etc) and culture.
 
@Riko

At request from both you and Kyle, I'll go ahead and pick up this review.

Looking it over, this article is supposed to be the 'splash page' for just your empire, assuming that's the right words for it. Basically be the front page of your faction with some info there and links that lead to everything else. Since this will only be a small antagonist faction, you just need to put things here for the time being and separate/sort things out a bit more. For the species portions, focus only on their anatomy, phsyology and appearance. All the other things about what they do in society and so forth needs to be under Culture, something you'll have to expand on.
 
I made some changes to the layout that make the headers work with Star Army's style guidelines (in particular, we try to keep headers in contiguous levels, as in H2 should not jump to H5). I also added some FIXME tags where there needs to be text to meet with the style guidelines. I've also put a wrap plugin around the info table to make a wikipedia-style info box on the right, but we'll need more text under the overview to keep it from bumping against the table of contents.
 
@Riko

I've gone ahead and started looking over everything, but the thing that sticks out the most is that the species is here on the Empire's page. Since this is supposed to be a page on the Empire itself, I suggest you put the species' into their own page, with a link for them here. The same goes for the government. Since this is the splash page for the faction, you only need brief summaries for each detail followed by the links to its various parts. Otherwise, the article is very jumbled together, with everything about it in one place.
 
Ok went through and edited a few things. I condensed the page and gave the Military Government and Species their own pages. I also used the Yamatai page as a guide and built the VNE page around that as much as I could.
 
Alright, going over it, there's a lot in the sub-articles themselves, so I'll only have this splash page be APPROVED. Each separate page, under it isn't approved yet, and will have to be submitted separately. That way, we can focus on one part at a time and not miss anything.
 
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