TechnoVamp
Inactive Member
Wiki artcile url: https://wiki.stararmy.com/doku.php?id=characters:yamatai:lara_springstein
Preferred plot's GM tag: @Zack
Preferred plot's GM tag: @Zack
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Approved Character [188604] Lara Springstein
- Thread starter TechnoVamp
- Start date
Dumont
Inactive Member
Chiming in as 188604's co-GM and co-FM of the Freespacers:
Until Uso started the whole thing on 188604, the planet itself was undiscovered except for the Elysians who had abandoned it as a lost cause. The Freespacers didn't mine it, let alone know it existed.
Freespacers also age faster than normal humans do. A 19 year old Freespacer is physically 39 years old. I'd say kudos on the cougar, but you mention she looks 19.
Furthermore: While it's not necessary a thing you have to do to get approved, I'd like you to have an explanation ready for why she apparently left the Free State so hard it warranted a change of name. You don't have to add it in there; but that is going to come up, and fast.
This is keeping in mind that Freespacers have a networked collective consciousness, and leaving that is a big deal: They can potentially go mad or even die from the sense of isolation. Leaving the Free State is not something done lightly.
Until Uso started the whole thing on 188604, the planet itself was undiscovered except for the Elysians who had abandoned it as a lost cause. The Freespacers didn't mine it, let alone know it existed.
Freespacers also age faster than normal humans do. A 19 year old Freespacer is physically 39 years old. I'd say kudos on the cougar, but you mention she looks 19.
Furthermore: While it's not necessary a thing you have to do to get approved, I'd like you to have an explanation ready for why she apparently left the Free State so hard it warranted a change of name. You don't have to add it in there; but that is going to come up, and fast.
This is keeping in mind that Freespacers have a networked collective consciousness, and leaving that is a big deal: They can potentially go mad or even die from the sense of isolation. Leaving the Free State is not something done lightly.
Zack
Inactive Member
Firstly: Add something about yourself on your user page! : https://wiki.stararmy.com/doku.php?id=members:thetechnovampire
Also: You list the species and gender as: Freespacer Type Three Homosexual Female. You don't really need to list your character's orientation, but if you do want to list it just make a line for it. Name it 'sexuality' or 'orientation' or whatever. You should also break out female too, and put that under its own heading of Gender.
I checked the measurements, 32-25-33 because frankly that's not something I really know. Turns out Lena Headey has the same measurements so I see no problems there. A picture of what that looks like is here, (NSFW probably)
You also may want to proof read for spelling and run on sentences. Ones like this: "She is quite protective of her friends, not wanting to put them into any danger or bring harm to them, and she’s also very loyal to them as well." would read a bit better like this: "She is very loyal, and quite protective of her friends, not wanting to put them in any danger."
And finally, history: We may want to change this to her being one of the spacers that Uso is selling water and plant-material to, and we should probably start off with a JP where she meets up with Uso and asks to setup shop. You don't need a lot of history here, just enough to get you going.
Also: You list the species and gender as: Freespacer Type Three Homosexual Female. You don't really need to list your character's orientation, but if you do want to list it just make a line for it. Name it 'sexuality' or 'orientation' or whatever. You should also break out female too, and put that under its own heading of Gender.
I checked the measurements, 32-25-33 because frankly that's not something I really know. Turns out Lena Headey has the same measurements so I see no problems there. A picture of what that looks like is here, (NSFW probably)
You also may want to proof read for spelling and run on sentences. Ones like this: "She is quite protective of her friends, not wanting to put them into any danger or bring harm to them, and she’s also very loyal to them as well." would read a bit better like this: "She is very loyal, and quite protective of her friends, not wanting to put them in any danger."
And finally, history: We may want to change this to her being one of the spacers that Uso is selling water and plant-material to, and we should probably start off with a JP where she meets up with Uso and asks to setup shop. You don't need a lot of history here, just enough to get you going.
TechnoVamp
Inactive Member
During the approval process for Ziara, Wes never brought up the deal with the user page, so I didn't think it was that big of a deal.
Anyway, I tried making those edits, but I'm not a "Grammar Nazi", so looking for things like that is not my forte.
Her history was already supposed to be like that. If it wasn't clear already, I changed up a few things at the start of it.
Anyway, I tried making those edits, but I'm not a "Grammar Nazi", so looking for things like that is not my forte.
Her history was already supposed to be like that. If it wasn't clear already, I changed up a few things at the start of it.
Zack
Inactive Member
I think we're almost done here.
I went ahead and made a few edits. Grammar was changed, and I adjusted her history so that it 'starts' when she arrives on the planet.
I also don't see anything in her bio about disconnecting entirely from the spacer's network. And since she is a spacer character I was thinking maybe we should adjust her age down a bit? I'd like @Dumont to weigh in on that part.
I went ahead and made a few edits. Grammar was changed, and I adjusted her history so that it 'starts' when she arrives on the planet.
I also don't see anything in her bio about disconnecting entirely from the spacer's network. And since she is a spacer character I was thinking maybe we should adjust her age down a bit? I'd like @Dumont to weigh in on that part.
TechnoVamp
Inactive Member
Added in bit about disconnecting from.the Freespacer network and the results of that (which I discussed in the chat).
Also, generally tidied up the history and added a little extra to the last paragraph. Dirt is not the right surface for the type of cars she's racing. I think you might've been thinking something more along the lines of the Dakar Rally, but nope. She'd need tarmac circuits to race on, so that's what I added in.
Also, generally tidied up the history and added a little extra to the last paragraph. Dirt is not the right surface for the type of cars she's racing. I think you might've been thinking something more along the lines of the Dakar Rally, but nope. She'd need tarmac circuits to race on, so that's what I added in.
