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Approved Submission 20x152mm VD ammo

Bullroarer

Inactive Member
Submission Type: Ammunition
Template Used: https://wiki.stararmy.com/doku.php?id=templates:ammunition
Submission WIP URL: https://wiki.stararmy.com/doku.php?id=wip:corp:black_star_industries:vdr-w3_20x152mm
Submission Destination URL: https://wiki.stararmy.com/doku.php?id=corp:black_star_industries:vdr-w3_20x152mm

Faction: VDTF
FM Approved Yet? (Yes/No; Who, When) @Edto Xar'Sivaree
Faction requires art? (Yes/No) no

For Reviewers:
Contains Unapproved Sub-Articles? (Yes/No) no
Contains New art? (Yes/No) no
Previously Submitted? (Yes/No; explain reason if rejected) no

Notes:
 
Last edited:
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This review is for: 20x152mm VD Ammo

The submitted article is/has…
[ Y ] A very high level of overall quality
  • As high quality as ammo can be, tbh.
[ Y ] A general topic sentence under the title header
[ Y ] Artwork (Required for new species; Strongly recommended for vehicles and hand weapons)\\
  • I WANT A DOGA OF IT BY TOMORROW 9AM...just kidding.
[ Y ] Needed and/or useful to the setting
[ Y ] In the proper format/template
[ N ] Proofread for spelling and grammar
  1. Specifically designed for use in the VDR-3 AMR, the weapons high charge...
    1. the weapon's high charge...
  2. SB Ammunition is your standard, completely simple ball ammunition...
    1. SB Ammunition is your standard ball ammunition...("completely simple" is redundant.)
  3. ...the FMJ round will punch though most material, expending little of its kinetic force...
    1. ...the FMJ round punches through most material...(past tense article, future tense bullet. Wut?)
  4. Damage tiers should be written on the table.
[ Y ] Easy to read and understand (not a lengthy mass of technobabble)
[ N ] Wikified (terms that could be a link should be a link)
  1. Link the VDTF Logistics Dept.
  2. That's literally it.
[ Y ] No red and/or broken links
[ Y ] Reasonably scientifically plausible
[ Y ] Reasonably neutral point of view

The submitted article is/does not…
[ Y ] Overpowered (or cutting tech for a faction with little or no roleplay)
  1. Cross-referencing with the VDR-3 AMR, the damage seems a little on the extreme side. You can take out over 200 Mindies a minute? Really? That's...a bit high.
    1. This is, however, solvabale by having a small clip or a slower ROF due to having a high recoil. Or lowering the damage by a tier or two.
      1. Where's the magazine size? Eh, I'll address that later.
[ N ] Obtusely redundant
[ N ] Contain copy pasta descriptions of systems or interior compartments
[ P ] Unauthorized by faction managers or player-controlled corporation
  1. Requires @Edto Xar'Sivaree approval.
[ N ] Contain references to IC events that have not occurred (SM must authorize retcons)
[ N ] Use second-person language (“you” or “your”) unless it is an instructional guide aimed at players.
[ N ] Use bombastic language (“virtually immune,” “nearly indestructible,” “insanely powerful,” “horrible effects”)
[ N ] Use an unbalanced header/text ratio (many headers but sections are one-liners)
[ N ] Use major unapproved sub-articles that should be submitted separately
[ Y ] Lacking Detail
  1. Magazine size, please. With such a large round I think upwards to 10 per mag should be okay.
[ N ] Images hosted on sites other than stararmy.com (Photobucket, Imageshack, etc are not allowed)

The article has…
[ Y ] Speeds in compliance with the Starship Speed Standard, if applicable
[ Y ] Damage Capacity and Damage Ratings in compliance with the DR Guidelines
[ N ] The in-character year of creation/manufacture. (Should be current year. Future years not allowed).
  • Just slap YE39 on there somewhere. I dont care.
[ N ] The Standard Product Nomenclature System, if applicable.
  • Unless if this is a faction that has a nonstandard nomenclature. Then whatever.
  • If it's not, VDR-W3 20x152mm should do.
  • I'm gonna be so annoyed if Black Star actually doesn't have a standardized nomenclature...
  • This is why I need Edto's check.

Summary
Check all the red stuff.

Status: Pending

Notes
Red stuff.

I intend to finish this review by: 12/22/2017
 
I, personally, do not see where a fire rate on this bullet template is. Could you please tell me exactly where you are getting this for rate, and why you are cross referencing other articles, of which to my knowledge have not even been submitted, let alone completed.

Please refrain from looking at other articles when you are reviewing an article as that goes against the rules of submissions.

If there is a weapon that is up for submission that is capable of these feats you mention, please raise those concerns there. Not on this bullet. Bullets do not have fire rates.

Otherwise, this bullet has my approval pending the speed be raised. Fast traveling bullets are a staple to the VD series rifles as it makes them more point at shoot, as you do not have to lead the target as much.
 
I don’t mind the speed being raised. It’s not a missile, whatever.

@Edto Xar'Sivaree I have checked Rule #4 — it does not apply to me.

Which means I totally get to point at the Ketsurui Shipyards 50mm Gauss, cross reference that with this, and say this is too powerful.

 
https://wiki.stararmy.com/doku.php?id=stararmy:weapons:ke-m2-w3900_20mm_gauss

I thorougly believe that if you are allowed to use the 50mm Gauss, then I should be able to point out this 20mm gauss is tier 7.

Also, given your hearty responce, I am callig into question your bias towards me. Please address this, or have another reviewer address my article.

Finally, explain this



Identify the creation for what it is. Leave your preconceptions about person's previous submissions behind; try to view each submission independently. If you have an opinion or bias towards the person making the submission, the nation the submission is for, or that type of submission in general-keep it to yourself and off the technology forum.
 

What happened to this? I believe this was mentioned before you started asking questions in the Official Discord.
META_mahn said:
[ Y ] Lacking Detail
  1. Magazine size, please. With such a large round I think upwards to 10 per mag should be okay.
Click to expand...
And this.

If I suddenly fekking have to defend unfinished works that havent even been submitted, the 20mm is a BOLT ACTION RIFLE that will require the shooter to be in a PRONE POSITION WHILE FIRING without the assistance of POWER ARMOUR, with a fire rate of AS FAST AS YOU CAN FIRE A 20MM BOLT ACTION RIFLE.

There are OTHER weapos intended for this round, it was just designed for the 20mm rifle. Other such weapons being vehicle mounted machine guns and weapons for the LSFIMS.

Is this seriously what happened to the NTSE?

Are we not allowed to complete articles before they start getting picked at?
 
Placed on indefinite pending. We’ll deal with this in context with your rifle, then.

Please submit your rifle so we can use this in context with the rifle.
 
It's not like all the work will suddenly go up in smoke, Edto.

We discussed this in discord. This is not that bad. Just keep moving forward.
 
Please include text underneath most headers, such as above charts or bullet lists, images or the like. Stats and Ammunition Types would be good examples of this.

Consider this thread watched by Ame.
 
Though I understand you are a bit worried @META_mahn , I would like to point out that the point of concern is usually the weapon in most cases, not the ammunition. The reason being that it's the weapon that fires the ammo, and is the article with the actual DR rating. Additionally, the problem with requiring the weapons to be finished first, is that any number of them can use the same ammunition. More weapons could always be made at a later date. It would make more sense to focus on the weapons instead as a tech mod, since by making this requirement of weapons first, then ammunition, you're essentially hobbling the submitter.
 
Looking at this more closely, I point out that standard ball ammunition typically is full metal jacket. Rather, I would suggest remaking what is currently FMJ into discarding sabot, with a tungsten, depleted uranium or nerimium penetrator. Also, it's been almost a week @META_mahn - if it's alright with you, I'll pick this up if you don't have the time.
 

Why is a former Co-FM of the Vekimen reviewing a Vekimen submission?
 
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