By Dirk Piven
Health Reporter, Nepleslia Prime News
Whales and dolphins are delicious additions to the dinner plate that may promote good health and other benefits, say whaling industry food scientists.
An analysis of over 1000 people, published in the Archive of Exotic Eatin', concluded that the meat of both animals was excellent. The Nepleslian-led study said that 'anyone not too pussy to eat greasy meat' would enjoy whale and dolphin in its various preparations.
Experts say it won't be too long before it's prepared as some sort of 'sea bacon'.
Whales and dolphins are animals that are found in the oceans of some worlds including Nepleslia Prime and Yamatai, though they went extinct in the homeworld several centuries ago and have become largely forgotten in Nepleslian cookbooks. Because they tend to live in cold, frigid oceans not warmed by industrial runoff and slag dumping, they develop thick layers of fat in their tissues which have led them to be described by some as 'gigantic sea pigs'.
There have been some suggestions that the animals are intelligent, but the benefits of according them protected status would be outweighed by the cost of a moratorium, which would cripple and destroy numerous burgeoning whale-based industries in the colonies.
The discussion has been whether the whale trade should expand to become a mass-marketed meat product like beef, pork and vatmeal, or remain a luxury and local delicacy.
Guidelines set by the Department of Livestock, Vatfoods and Agriculture currently impose a limit on the number of whales and dolphins that may be harpooned and airlifted to butchery plants on the fringes of the capital here on Nepleslia Prime, roughly numbering half a million whales and three million dolphins a year. New legislature in the Prime planetary house may remove or at least increase the limits for the whaling industry.
Delicious or Most Delicious?
According to roughly 80% of Nepleslians who tasted the meat found it to be 'exceptionally delicious, like the lard pappy cooks with' while a further 10 claimed it was 'the best thing I'd ever eaten'. Of those tested, only 1 of 10 disliked it for any reason. A majority of the previous later recanted when the meat was prepared dried, held under a lamp in a painfully sterile and foreboding food science facility for over a week.
Lead researcher Capt. Ivan Kremenik, of the Great White Male, told the NPN: "In all my years murderin' living creatures to eat, none has been so delicious. The clear suffering these animals face as we airlift their harpooned bodies to sites where they're to be butchered alive is like a whole new spice yet undiscovered."
"You can't be cruel to cats or dogs 'cause they're so adorable, but whales are colossal animals full of majesty. Watching that majesty break in the animal's final moments brings joy to my old bones."
"Oh, and you can't underestimate dolphins either. They're quite cute, but make an excellent aphrodisiac due to the animal's immense sexual potency. For surely, can you name another mammal that can reproduce successfully without penetrative sex? These animals are the Vanderhuges of sea-sex."
Chef Grimmaud of the Nepleslian Culinary institute commented that the meat is "fatty and wonderful, a joy to work with really."
He added: "I've been curing some thin strips to try and make this fabled sea-bacon, and it's lookin' pretty damn good."
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Health Reporter, Nepleslia Prime News
Whales and dolphins are delicious additions to the dinner plate that may promote good health and other benefits, say whaling industry food scientists.
An analysis of over 1000 people, published in the Archive of Exotic Eatin', concluded that the meat of both animals was excellent. The Nepleslian-led study said that 'anyone not too pussy to eat greasy meat' would enjoy whale and dolphin in its various preparations.
Experts say it won't be too long before it's prepared as some sort of 'sea bacon'.
Whales and dolphins are animals that are found in the oceans of some worlds including Nepleslia Prime and Yamatai, though they went extinct in the homeworld several centuries ago and have become largely forgotten in Nepleslian cookbooks. Because they tend to live in cold, frigid oceans not warmed by industrial runoff and slag dumping, they develop thick layers of fat in their tissues which have led them to be described by some as 'gigantic sea pigs'.
There have been some suggestions that the animals are intelligent, but the benefits of according them protected status would be outweighed by the cost of a moratorium, which would cripple and destroy numerous burgeoning whale-based industries in the colonies.
The discussion has been whether the whale trade should expand to become a mass-marketed meat product like beef, pork and vatmeal, or remain a luxury and local delicacy.
Guidelines set by the Department of Livestock, Vatfoods and Agriculture currently impose a limit on the number of whales and dolphins that may be harpooned and airlifted to butchery plants on the fringes of the capital here on Nepleslia Prime, roughly numbering half a million whales and three million dolphins a year. New legislature in the Prime planetary house may remove or at least increase the limits for the whaling industry.
Delicious or Most Delicious?
According to roughly 80% of Nepleslians who tasted the meat found it to be 'exceptionally delicious, like the lard pappy cooks with' while a further 10 claimed it was 'the best thing I'd ever eaten'. Of those tested, only 1 of 10 disliked it for any reason. A majority of the previous later recanted when the meat was prepared dried, held under a lamp in a painfully sterile and foreboding food science facility for over a week.
Lead researcher Capt. Ivan Kremenik, of the Great White Male, told the NPN: "In all my years murderin' living creatures to eat, none has been so delicious. The clear suffering these animals face as we airlift their harpooned bodies to sites where they're to be butchered alive is like a whole new spice yet undiscovered."
"You can't be cruel to cats or dogs 'cause they're so adorable, but whales are colossal animals full of majesty. Watching that majesty break in the animal's final moments brings joy to my old bones."
"Oh, and you can't underestimate dolphins either. They're quite cute, but make an excellent aphrodisiac due to the animal's immense sexual potency. For surely, can you name another mammal that can reproduce successfully without penetrative sex? These animals are the Vanderhuges of sea-sex."
Chef Grimmaud of the Nepleslian Culinary institute commented that the meat is "fatty and wonderful, a joy to work with really."
He added: "I've been curing some thin strips to try and make this fabled sea-bacon, and it's lookin' pretty damn good."
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