Cy83r K0rp53
Inactive Member
-
If you were supposed to get an email from the forum but didn't (e.g. to verify your account for registration), email Wes at [email protected] or talk to me on Discord for help. Sometimes the server hits our limit of emails we can send per hour.
-
Get in our Discord chat! Discord.gg/stararmy
Approved Character (a)Sync Seven Three
- Thread starter Cy83r K0rp53
- Start date
This is raz's territory. He gets first review.
Cy83r K0rp53
Inactive Member
; Took somebody long enough/
She's ridiculously Mary Sue, but there isn't a lot I can say is wrong with her from a Freespacer standpoint. I mean, to say that she's more into non-organics than an average 'Spacer is kind of silly. Also, please remove any references to real earth like "Africa." I'd like to say that there's something wrong with all that footnoted gear, but that's up to the main reviewer to approve/deny based on power levels, because there's nothing inherently wrong with any of it.
Cy83r K0rp53
Inactive Member
The footnotes are just details I felt needed to be in the profile, but weren't important enough to put up the normal way.
The mention of Africa and India are a descriptive note and have no bearing on any fluff or in-game relations (give me an ethnic group(s) in the SARPverse that is close in skin color to those two and I'll change it). EDIT: nvm, I just realized how stupid that sounds.
Mary Sue? She's a regular freespacer... or do you mean my artistic license with skill descriptions?
Starship Operations: she basically competent in a wide-variety of general ship systems (weapons and sensors operation, navigation systems, diagnostic interpretation, etc.), a jack of all trades with little to no experience in the specialised fields (reactors/drives/shields/weapons/sensors knowledge and repair)
Communications: I suppose 'several Freespacer dialects' could be a little much. I'll change it to 'her home Fleet Freespacer dialect'
Fighting: she's trained to fight from a disadvantage, that is, to expect to be outnumbered and outmatched, always looking for an opening to win, rather than using brute force techniques against a single opponent on an even playing field. It's primarilly specialised for hand-to-hand infantry tactics aboard stellar vessel and reduced gravity or microgravity environments. Not very useful inside a mech. It is by no means Sue-fu.
And there's only one peice of gear that's not part of the normal kit
Radioisotope Injector: if this ruffles your feathers that much, I'll take it out, but it's little more than the equivalent of an energy drink (except it's more or less vital to her continued health in extenuating circumstances). She does have about four or five days between her RTG implant and suit-borne RTG, so I definately see why it would be unecessary. Eh, fine, it's out.
===
EDIT: changes made, gear removed, skills fixed, and detail added where it seemed lacking.
===
Technophile: most Freespacers venerate technology, not like it, (a)Sync is a bit more... 'fervent' than the average 'Spacer; if that explains things better.
The mention of Africa and India are a descriptive note and have no bearing on any fluff or in-game relations (give me an ethnic group(s) in the SARPverse that is close in skin color to those two and I'll change it). EDIT: nvm, I just realized how stupid that sounds.
Mary Sue? She's a regular freespacer... or do you mean my artistic license with skill descriptions?
Starship Operations: she basically competent in a wide-variety of general ship systems (weapons and sensors operation, navigation systems, diagnostic interpretation, etc.), a jack of all trades with little to no experience in the specialised fields (reactors/drives/shields/weapons/sensors knowledge and repair)
Communications: I suppose 'several Freespacer dialects' could be a little much. I'll change it to 'her home Fleet Freespacer dialect'
Fighting: she's trained to fight from a disadvantage, that is, to expect to be outnumbered and outmatched, always looking for an opening to win, rather than using brute force techniques against a single opponent on an even playing field. It's primarilly specialised for hand-to-hand infantry tactics aboard stellar vessel and reduced gravity or microgravity environments. Not very useful inside a mech. It is by no means Sue-fu.
And there's only one peice of gear that's not part of the normal kit
Radioisotope Injector: if this ruffles your feathers that much, I'll take it out, but it's little more than the equivalent of an energy drink (except it's more or less vital to her continued health in extenuating circumstances). She does have about four or five days between her RTG implant and suit-borne RTG, so I definately see why it would be unecessary. Eh, fine, it's out.
===
EDIT: changes made, gear removed, skills fixed, and detail added where it seemed lacking.
===
Technophile: most Freespacers venerate technology, not like it, (a)Sync is a bit more... 'fervent' than the average 'Spacer; if that explains things better.
Exhack
Inactive Member
From a personality perspective, you've essentially made her 'more Freespacer than a Freespacer' by saying that the extreme technophilia inherent in Freespacer characters is more profound in her. You've also gone on to foreshadow but not explain a secondary personality, that might as well be a 'superpowered evil side' and predetermined her interactions with other characters.
It is not up for you to decide how other people will perceive your character, or react to her attempts at taking control. You may explain prior social interactions and how she's acted previously, but stating how things will happen or should happen is not the role of a player or the intended purpose of a character's 'Personality' section.
It is not up for you to decide how other people will perceive your character, or react to her attempts at taking control. You may explain prior social interactions and how she's acted previously, but stating how things will happen or should happen is not the role of a player or the intended purpose of a character's 'Personality' section.
Cy83r K0rp53
Inactive Member
Sorry I took so long, everything should be satisfactory now.
Honestly, the character feels thin.
I agree with Exhack and raz that the whole "more than a normal Freespacer" doesn't make a lot of sense. She's constantly interacting with organics, but somehow she's more into machines ... more than a regular Freespacer, which has no definition. That part should be removed.
The "dual personality" aspect is fine; that's been used in characters before and, cheap as it might be (Yukari has it, too, after all), it's a fair device to use.
If she dislikes being subordinate to others, how is she going to operate in a company that makes her, well, subordinate to a lot of other people?
How did she use mecha in the Freespacer universe when the Freespacers have no record of ever using mecha?
How did she find Origin, and why did she sign up with them?
The "Fighting" skill is not up to snuff. There's no description of what she can DO, only some vague theory of battle that means very little. Does she know any kind of martial art? Is she talented with any particular weapon? Does she prefer a certain range when in combat (long-range work, close-range strikes, etc.)?
In Communication: How did she learn Yamataian and Nepleslian?
In Physical: How can she be fit when she lived most of her life in micro-gravity? Nekovalkyrja are engineered that way; what's your character's excuse?
In Vehicles: Where and how was she trained? Does she have any limitations?
In Repair: How can she have past experience in repairing mecha-specific systems if, as stated above, there's no record of Freespacers using mecha?
In possessions: How can she have increased intelligence through an implant? This should be something else — expanded memory, memory recall, memory creation, something else. There is no "+5 Intelligence" implant.
Also, this "Radioisotope Thermoelectric Generator" can be taken out. It doesn't make enough sense to start with.
This character is pending.
I agree with Exhack and raz that the whole "more than a normal Freespacer" doesn't make a lot of sense. She's constantly interacting with organics, but somehow she's more into machines ... more than a regular Freespacer, which has no definition. That part should be removed.
The "dual personality" aspect is fine; that's been used in characters before and, cheap as it might be (Yukari has it, too, after all), it's a fair device to use.
If she dislikes being subordinate to others, how is she going to operate in a company that makes her, well, subordinate to a lot of other people?
How did she use mecha in the Freespacer universe when the Freespacers have no record of ever using mecha?
How did she find Origin, and why did she sign up with them?
The "Fighting" skill is not up to snuff. There's no description of what she can DO, only some vague theory of battle that means very little. Does she know any kind of martial art? Is she talented with any particular weapon? Does she prefer a certain range when in combat (long-range work, close-range strikes, etc.)?
In Communication: How did she learn Yamataian and Nepleslian?
In Physical: How can she be fit when she lived most of her life in micro-gravity? Nekovalkyrja are engineered that way; what's your character's excuse?
In Vehicles: Where and how was she trained? Does she have any limitations?
In Repair: How can she have past experience in repairing mecha-specific systems if, as stated above, there's no record of Freespacers using mecha?
In possessions: How can she have increased intelligence through an implant? This should be something else — expanded memory, memory recall, memory creation, something else. There is no "+5 Intelligence" implant.
Also, this "Radioisotope Thermoelectric Generator" can be taken out. It doesn't make enough sense to start with.
This character is pending.
Cy83r K0rp53
Inactive Member
T.T This is why I didn't get into the Iromakuanhe, as much as I did like them, to much data to absorb about a non-mainstream race.
For the record, there's virtually nothing on IC Freespacer history (military or otherwise) and technology usage, or tech articles for that matter.
And as far as my reading and comprehension skills allow, Freespacers come with 'implants of +5 intelligence', and the RTG allows a freespacer to survive outside 'Spacer environments with few(er?) drawbacks (again, this is all as far as I can tell). Equipment stays till I get a reason more sound than "It doesn't make sense to me, remove it".
I'll attempt to lay out her technophilia one last time. Freespacers venerate technology in an animist sort of way, they don't all love it to bits. If this difference is still lost on you, then I don't know what to say.
Frankly, the dual personality thing was a last minute bolt-on, and it's not so much a second personality as an alternate [or more extreme] mode of behavior during a specific situation.
The insubordinate subordinate device was intentional, I want to try a character with more friction.
Freespacer mecha, like-
Oh, hell, I give up; I'm sticking with Anselm till he dies and then I'm off this place for good.
For the record, there's virtually nothing on IC Freespacer history (military or otherwise) and technology usage, or tech articles for that matter.
And as far as my reading and comprehension skills allow, Freespacers come with 'implants of +5 intelligence', and the RTG allows a freespacer to survive outside 'Spacer environments with few(er?) drawbacks (again, this is all as far as I can tell). Equipment stays till I get a reason more sound than "It doesn't make sense to me, remove it".
I'll attempt to lay out her technophilia one last time. Freespacers venerate technology in an animist sort of way, they don't all love it to bits. If this difference is still lost on you, then I don't know what to say.
Frankly, the dual personality thing was a last minute bolt-on, and it's not so much a second personality as an alternate [or more extreme] mode of behavior during a specific situation.
The insubordinate subordinate device was intentional, I want to try a character with more friction.
Freespacer mecha, like-
Oh, hell, I give up; I'm sticking with Anselm till he dies and then I'm off this place for good.
Where did that note come from? I wrote that before raz became the faction manager. You can still have a Freespacer PC.
However, Cy83r, this is partially why I wanted the Freespacers to be a non-PC race. I talked to raz about this briefly, and he disagrees some, but my feeling is that you're right:
There IS hardly anything about Freespacer history or technology out there on the wiki.
That's because 1) it was all locked up in Jessica's head (Strangelove, for new folks reading this), and 2) because she wrote off the Freespacers as basically having no set structure when it came to history or technology. "BE FREE" seems to be the overarching guide when it comes to handling Freespacers in any way, shape or form.
That makes it hard for me to police the character.
I went to the source on the wiki to check it out, and you're right: The RTG does exist and now it makes sense to me. I was lost between what you were saying about it and what Exhack said. Now I understand it. You can ignore that request to remove it.
The implant issue, when it comes to intelligence, is something I'll chalk up to semantics. I'll put it this way: You're right, somehow there's a cybernetic implant out there in Freespacerland that grants the user "increased intelligence" — Intelligence, to me, is the capacity to learn and reason, not actually being smart, which means knowing something.
If she has the capacity to learn more because of an implant — the wiki also mentions increased memory, as I was suggesting — so be it. One more reason I don't like Freespacers.
I think the problem I'm having with the technophilia bit isn't that difference you point out so well. It's that you say "more than a normal Freespacer" when we don't know what a normal Freespacer is. Getting back to the whole "BE FREE!" issue I have with the race.
Just call her a technophiliac and I'm happy.
The insubordinate/subordinate device might be intentional, but it's also illogical and hard to wrap my head around. Please answer my question: How is she going to operate without being eventually shot by a superior?
Please continue what you were going to say about the mecha, and please address my other edits. You've knocked out many of them so far without having to change anything.
Thank you for your patience.
However, Cy83r, this is partially why I wanted the Freespacers to be a non-PC race. I talked to raz about this briefly, and he disagrees some, but my feeling is that you're right:
There IS hardly anything about Freespacer history or technology out there on the wiki.
That's because 1) it was all locked up in Jessica's head (Strangelove, for new folks reading this), and 2) because she wrote off the Freespacers as basically having no set structure when it came to history or technology. "BE FREE" seems to be the overarching guide when it comes to handling Freespacers in any way, shape or form.
That makes it hard for me to police the character.
I went to the source on the wiki to check it out, and you're right: The RTG does exist and now it makes sense to me. I was lost between what you were saying about it and what Exhack said. Now I understand it. You can ignore that request to remove it.
The implant issue, when it comes to intelligence, is something I'll chalk up to semantics. I'll put it this way: You're right, somehow there's a cybernetic implant out there in Freespacerland that grants the user "increased intelligence" — Intelligence, to me, is the capacity to learn and reason, not actually being smart, which means knowing something.
If she has the capacity to learn more because of an implant — the wiki also mentions increased memory, as I was suggesting — so be it. One more reason I don't like Freespacers.
I think the problem I'm having with the technophilia bit isn't that difference you point out so well. It's that you say "more than a normal Freespacer" when we don't know what a normal Freespacer is. Getting back to the whole "BE FREE!" issue I have with the race.
Just call her a technophiliac and I'm happy.
The insubordinate/subordinate device might be intentional, but it's also illogical and hard to wrap my head around. Please answer my question: How is she going to operate without being eventually shot by a superior?
Please continue what you were going to say about the mecha, and please address my other edits. You've knocked out many of them so far without having to change anything.
Thank you for your patience.
Cy83r K0rp53
Inactive Member
Well, that's nice relieving paragraph. That note is at the very tippy-top of the main Freespacer page (one of them) and written as normal text so I hadn't seen it till I was looking up said page for data confirming and disproving my arguments.
I was going to say that since mecha, like pretty much everything regarding Freespacers, have nothing listed, does not mean they don't exist. Considering I never specified the models she worked with before leaving, I don't see how being a paramilitary guerilla mecha pilot is a problem.
As to 'why' I picked a Freespacer: Five got me interested in the Atuan plot, but I didn't have a single idea for a character (leading to me trying to reuse Nashin), nor did I have a desire to attempt using a Yammie or Nep character, until I remembered Freespacers.
I totally understand your point on the whole 'more than a normal freespacer' part of the bio now, I'll get to rewriting that ASAP.
In regards to the issues with authority, I guess I envisioned the trait as her thinking "but this idea seems 'better', why does he have the only say in how the unit proceeds, why don't they tell us everything so we can make informed decisions about the mission, having to grope about in the dark like this is intolerable and humiliating" constantly, even to the point of questioning her superiors when the 'itch has to scratched' so to say. Being subordinate is a significant pet peeve, not something anathema to her existence. She'll frequently be brash and outspoken when it comes to authority figures, which is [AFAICT] normal for a freespacer.
I figured the enlistment came about during one of her homefleet's trade-stops or however they barter with non'Spacers.
Thank you for pointing out the areas that need more detail, I was more than struggling to put the flesh on them that's already there.
=Fighting Skill=
=Commuunication=
I assumed it would be practical to know the language of close neighbors (very close since the fleets just seem to wander where they please) in case of an attack.
=Physical=
Guerilla. Training. You can build artificial gravity compartments in space (spinning rings?) or use gravatic manipulation devices. You could also use personal excircise machines, the kind they use on the space stations of today.
=Vehicles=
explain what you mean by 'where' (in her fleet) and 'how' (in a mecha and simulators)?
=Repair=
this item was discussed, no listing of mecha or their use (plus a general lack of present history) does not mean they don't exist. Sorry for pressing the 'free liscense' point, but what literature there is gives the impression that each fleet is pretty much unique in doctrine and deployment of equipment, being bound as a proto-nation only by a semblance of past history and tech-animism (and a 'sort-of' home planet).
P.S. Edits finished, sorry for the double save, I had to change
I was going to say that since mecha, like pretty much everything regarding Freespacers, have nothing listed, does not mean they don't exist. Considering I never specified the models she worked with before leaving, I don't see how being a paramilitary guerilla mecha pilot is a problem.
As to 'why' I picked a Freespacer: Five got me interested in the Atuan plot, but I didn't have a single idea for a character (leading to me trying to reuse Nashin), nor did I have a desire to attempt using a Yammie or Nep character, until I remembered Freespacers.
I totally understand your point on the whole 'more than a normal freespacer' part of the bio now, I'll get to rewriting that ASAP.
In regards to the issues with authority, I guess I envisioned the trait as her thinking "but this idea seems 'better', why does he have the only say in how the unit proceeds, why don't they tell us everything so we can make informed decisions about the mission, having to grope about in the dark like this is intolerable and humiliating" constantly, even to the point of questioning her superiors when the 'itch has to scratched' so to say. Being subordinate is a significant pet peeve, not something anathema to her existence. She'll frequently be brash and outspoken when it comes to authority figures, which is [AFAICT] normal for a freespacer.
I figured the enlistment came about during one of her homefleet's trade-stops or however they barter with non'Spacers.
Thank you for pointing out the areas that need more detail, I was more than struggling to put the flesh on them that's already there.
=Fighting Skill=
The Art of Never Again is, in my impression, a martial art. Her focus of close-quarters and hand-to-hand is noted (see quote above). This will be clarified.
=Commuunication=
I assumed it would be practical to know the language of close neighbors (very close since the fleets just seem to wander where they please) in case of an attack.
=Physical=
Guerilla. Training. You can build artificial gravity compartments in space (spinning rings?) or use gravatic manipulation devices. You could also use personal excircise machines, the kind they use on the space stations of today.
=Vehicles=
explain what you mean by 'where' (in her fleet) and 'how' (in a mecha and simulators)?
=Repair=
this item was discussed, no listing of mecha or their use (plus a general lack of present history) does not mean they don't exist. Sorry for pressing the 'free liscense' point, but what literature there is gives the impression that each fleet is pretty much unique in doctrine and deployment of equipment, being bound as a proto-nation only by a semblance of past history and tech-animism (and a 'sort-of' home planet).
P.S. Edits finished, sorry for the double save, I had to change
Fair enough on the authority part.
I can also accept the enlistment explanation.
In Communication, how about saying she loaded dictionaries and such into her implant? That'd make a bit more sense.
In Physical: OK, I guess I'll accept that, since I've got no evidence to the contrary through the source material.
In Vehicles and Repair: I'm sorry; I wasn't clear on these. Not your fault.
How and where did she learn to pilot and repair Yamataian-type mecha, which use technology that is, I assume, much more complicated and advanced than the nearest Freespacer equivalent. Unless you're strictly talking about Freespacer mecha, in which case just note that and I'm cool.
I can also accept the enlistment explanation.
In Communication, how about saying she loaded dictionaries and such into her implant? That'd make a bit more sense.
In Physical: OK, I guess I'll accept that, since I've got no evidence to the contrary through the source material.
In Vehicles and Repair: I'm sorry; I wasn't clear on these. Not your fault.
How and where did she learn to pilot and repair Yamataian-type mecha, which use technology that is, I assume, much more complicated and advanced than the nearest Freespacer equivalent. Unless you're strictly talking about Freespacer mecha, in which case just note that and I'm cool.
Cy83r K0rp53
Inactive Member
Technology is technology, regardless of clade or species, all you need to use it is the prequisite body of knowledge and some hands-on training.
A Freespacer can just download the literature, drastically cutting training time down since they effectively know more-or-less everything on the subject. Of course there is a [presumed] difference between being an engineer and simply dumping a book of facts about chemistry and structural design (wiring, electronics, programming, etc) into your head.
The raw information can get you a long way, but there is a point where experience trumps knowledge (blah blah blah, etc etc, I need to stop yakking so much).
In short: she's little more than an encyclopediac puke when it comes to piloting an Ashigaru. I assume OI will have put (a)Sync through a basic training of sorts to familiarize her with Ashigaru operation, that is: several hours on a simulator and access to cleared literature on the frame. Her experience with actual mecha in her home-fleet should be enough to bridge the gap to a usable pilot. Like all things Freespacer, it's a sturdy patchwork job.
So: she would be very proficient in her home-fleet's mecha, and a raw recruit with the Ashigaru.
A Freespacer can just download the literature, drastically cutting training time down since they effectively know more-or-less everything on the subject. Of course there is a [presumed] difference between being an engineer and simply dumping a book of facts about chemistry and structural design (wiring, electronics, programming, etc) into your head.
The raw information can get you a long way, but there is a point where experience trumps knowledge (blah blah blah, etc etc, I need to stop yakking so much).
In short: she's little more than an encyclopediac puke when it comes to piloting an Ashigaru. I assume OI will have put (a)Sync through a basic training of sorts to familiarize her with Ashigaru operation, that is: several hours on a simulator and access to cleared literature on the frame. Her experience with actual mecha in her home-fleet should be enough to bridge the gap to a usable pilot. Like all things Freespacer, it's a sturdy patchwork job.
So: she would be very proficient in her home-fleet's mecha, and a raw recruit with the Ashigaru.
So she learned Yamataian mecha by downloading it to her implant. That's all you need to say, and then we're good.
Cy83r K0rp53
Inactive Member
Bingo bango bongo, Roger that.
Cy83r K0rp53
Inactive Member
Kindly don't do that, not on a pending application at least.
This character is approved for IC usage.
